Wanderings with Werewolves
by Wuff
Summary: What if the whole school found out about Remus being a werewolf? Can the Marauders deal with the pressure that is put on them? Slash! RLSB, JPLE.
1. Why Do You Love Her?

**Author's Note:** This story is a **seque**l to my other story "Hairy Snout, Human Heart". You don't necessarily have to read that in order to understand this story. If you're not interested, then here's a little summary of the things that happened in "Hairy Snout, Human Heart" and are important. It's also for everyone else who has already forgotten **what happened so far**:

_James Potter left Hogwarts after his fifth year to go to a Quidditch Academy because he wanted to train to become a professional Quidditch player. When Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew started their sixth year at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin was finally accepted there, too. Sirius, who did not take James' absence very well and was also still traumatised from running away from home during the summer holidays, behaved like an idiot and chose the new student Remus to release his frustration by bullying him. But at some point, Sirius could not take it anymore and broke down in front of Remus -- who comforted him. They became friends and later realised they were in love with each other. When Remus finally revealed to Sirius that he was a werewolf, Sirius completely freaked out at first. After several weeks of not talking to each other and much research on werewolves from Sirius' part, he understood that it was perfectly okay to love werewolves and after a lovely speech from Sirius (which he had copied from a book), they reconciled again._

That's where "Hairy Snout, Human Heart" left off. "Wanderings with Werewolves" takes place during the end of their sixth and throughout their seventh year at Hogwarts, it also deals with the time of the first war against You-Know-Who and the tragic events of Halloween 1981. There will be an AU (alternate universe) take on the third book and I'll try not to kill Sirius off in the end (because several people begged me to write a happy ending).

**Warning**: I don't consider **slash** (homosexual romance) a warning, but in case you're homophobic, you probably shouldn't read this as this story contains two boys - later: men (**Sirius/Remus**) kissing and having sex with each other. I think there shouldn't be a difference between heterosexual and homosexual relationships, so I'll warn you of the heterosexual romance between **James and Lily**, too.

The **rating** is M (mature) mainly for safety. It's in relation to the whole story, so don't expect anything of an adult nature right away. If you are here just for the smut, sorry it will be a long wait. I don't plan to write extremely graphic sex scenes. There will be 'tame' sex scenes but always in relation to the plot (I hope).

**Disclaimer**: I don't make money with this story. Everything recognisable belongs to J.K. Rowling. The title of this story doesn't belong to me either; it belongs to the amazing, gorgeous, intelligent, beautiful, brave, sexy Gilderoy Lockhart. (In case you're wondering: No, the book "Wandering with Werewolves" won't be as important as the book "Hairy Snout, Human Heart" was in my other story. I just thought it was funny to name the sequel after a book from the HP series, too.)

**Beta-reader**: _mokubahv. _Many thanks to you but also to everyone else who offered to beta-read for me (_Sakura evil twin of Sango_, _Polymnia Glamour_, _Swordy123_, _dark-night-sky_, _Anonymous Fluff_, _GuardianOfTime808_, _5redroses_, _reeltreble1031... _Sorry if I forgot anyone or misspelled a name...). I was really touched to see how many people were willing to help me!

The last thing I have to say is sorry for this neverending author's note. Here comes the first chapter! (No need to worry about the girl in this chapter. You will never see her again. Neither James nor Sirius nor Remus nor Peter nor Snape nor Lily nor... will fall in love with her. I just needed someone to interact with James.)

* * *

**Wanderings with Werewolves**

**by _Wuff_**

**Chapter 1**

**Why Do You Love Her?**

It was the most important match of the year so far: The team from the British Youngsters Quidditch Academy versus their twin school from Germany. The British led ninety to twenty. They had the better team. They definitely had the better Chasers.

James Potter should have been happy about it. He should have been happy because his team was going to win. But he was not. Because James Potter had been sitting on the substitutes' bench for one and a half hours. To be precise, the subs bench had been his regular position for three whole matches in a row. There had only been one match this season where he had been allowed to play for the last fifteen minutes because one of the other Chasers had been badly hit by a Bludger. And then, the other two Chasers had hardly ever thrown the Quaffle to him. It was beyond frustrating. This was not the way it was meant to be. He was meant to be racing through the opposing ranks and scoring goal after goal. He was meant to be in the air. James Potter was a _winner_.

He clapped lazily when one of his team-mates scored another goal. James hardly thought of them as 'team-mates.' Utterly bored, he sucked on a sugar quill which Marilyn Biggle had given to him. Marilyn was the one at the Academy who came closest to being James' friend. James hardly thought about her as his 'friend,' though. Marilyn was not rebellious enough, she was not funny enough, she was not smart enough and she was not _Marauder-ish_ enough. However, Marilyn was nice, she did not have the latest Quidditch sneakers yet and she was the substitute Keeper.

"Potter, Biggle!" their Quidditch coach snapped at them. "How often do I have to tell you: No eating during matches? You could be put on any minute!"

James and Marilyn exchanged an irritated look. _Not likely._ She had not been put on in any match yet. James had at least occasionally played for a few minutes. So why not sweeten their longsuffering existence with sugar quills?

Fortunately, their suffering ended soon because the opposing Seeker caught the Snitch. The British Youngsters had won nonetheless because they had had such a lead. While the German players ranted and raved at their Seeker for catching the Snitch too early and the British players congratulated each other, their coach assigned duties.

"Biggle, you're responsible for the laundry. Johnson, you get the drinks. Potter, you get the balls back inside. McLuhan, you tell the house elves to prepare dinner and tell Mr O'Hara to check the pitch and the rings."

Marilyn grimaced. "Why is it always me who has to collect their sweaty clothes?" she muttered to James. "Just because I'm a girl. It's so unfair!"

"I can help you when I'm ready," James offered. Marilyn was right: Their Quidditch coach was a bit sexist.

The four substitute players did as they were told. James went onto the Quidditch pitch, ignoring his 'team-mates', who were animatedly discussing the game (and ignored James just as much). Two of the Chasers were still on their brooms and showing off with all their tricks and talent. James grimaced. They were so _arrogant. _Wasn't it enough to score dozens of goals in the match? Couldn't they stop now?

"Hey! Flint, Hayden!" he shouted loudly up at them. "Could you give me the Quaffle now? I want to get the balls inside!"

"In a minute!" Clara Flint shouted back down at him.

Grinding his teeth together, James made to wrestle with the Bludgers first. When he was rolling on the ground with one of the vicious balls, something hit him hard in the face: the Quaffle.

"Uh, sorry!" Flint shouted, who landed gracefully with her Comet Two Forty. "I didn't see you were busy with the Bludgers." She and Hayden laughed. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," James ground out. Of course he wasn't fine. The Quaffle had smashed his glasses, causing them to be knocked off of his nose. He was totally helpless without his glasses. Disorientated, he tried to force the Bludger into the little cage first and then crawled around on all fours, patting the grass with his hands in search for his glasses.

"_Was macht der denn da?_" he heard a German girl's voice.

He looked up to see the blurred outlines of three... well, people. He blinked harder and recognised them as three girls from the German team.

"_Sieht'n bisschen aus wie 'ne Eule, oder?_" another one of the girls said and the other two erupted into very girly giggles.

_Great, that's really what I need now_, James thought angrily. _People laughing at me because I lost my glasses. _He kept furiously combing the grass with his fingers until he finally hit something sharp.

"Ouch," he mumbled, and put his damaged glasses back on his nose. Unfortunately, the glass of one side had been fragmented.

"_Eine Eule, die gegen ein Fenster geflogen ist_," the girl continued, and even shriller giggles followed.

"_Aber 'ne süße Eule_," the third girl said. _Giggle, giggle, giggle..._

"Go do the laundry," James growled at them. "Suits you better. Stupid girls -- I wonder how you manage to stay on your broomsticks long enough when you're giggling all the time."

"_Was hat er gesagt?_"

"_Hab ich nicht verstanden. Er hat so schnell gesprochen. Klang aber nicht besonders nett._" _Giggle, giggle, giggle…_

When finally the three giggling girls had left him alone and he had caught all the balls and brought them back inside, he went into the laundry as he had promised Marilyn. A disgusting stench - the mixture of sweat and the sweet cleaning potion - met him when he entered the room.

"Hello there," Marilyn said in a sour voice while she enchanted the gigantic cauldrons to stir themselves. "You can spray Mess Remover into the sneakers."

"Oh, I see you left the most pleasant task for me," James said moodily, held his nose and grabbed the bottle of Mrs. Scower's Magical Mess Remover to apply it generously onto the sneakers.

"What happened to your glasses?" Marilyn asked in a nicer voice now.

"Broken," James replied curtly.

"I can see that. Can't you mend them?"

"No, too much of the glass is lost." James sighed. _Mum and Dad are going to kill me. One more set of glasses broken beyond repair._ "I can still see perfectly with one eye and a little bit with the other. It works for the moment."

"Did you get any splinters in your eyes?" Marilyn asked concernedly.

"Dunno. It burns a bit but I don't think --"

"Let me see." Marilyn moved to stand in front of him and removed his twisted glasses so she could have a closer look at his eyes. She gently traced a finger over his eyebrow and temple and then...

_Wait, why are her fingers on my cheek? I thought she wanted to check my eyes...?_ Marilyn's face moved closer and closer, and she gazed intently in his eyes. She had nice eyes, James noticed. But there was one problem: She did not have green eyes. Second problem: She did not have red hair. When her nice-looking (but too red) lips had arrived dangerously close to his, he awkwardly cleared his throat and firmly seized her shoulders to stop her.

"Er, Marilyn, if you, er, intend to kiss me, I'm sorry to say that I can't do that."

She chuckled nervously and, blushing deeply, she took a step back. "I - I just thought -- Well, I didn't see why you'd willingly help me with the laundry. I thought -- Why --"

"You see, I am already in love with someone," James said embarrassedly.

"Oh. Is she the one you've been sending all those letters to?"

"The letters are to Sirius, my friend."

"Oh." He eyes widened in surprise. "You're -- _gay_?!"

"Whoa-what?" James stared at her in shock. Where did she get such crazy ideas from? "No, I'm not. Merlin, I'm certainly not gay. Sirius is my _friend_, I mean, he's my _friend_."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to, uh, offend you," Marilyn said quickly. "I didn't mean to say you're behaving in a gay way or something like that. I just misunderstood the things you said."

"Yeah, you did."

"So -- did you and that girl you're in love with go to Hogwarts together?"

"Yes."

"And you stayed together although you've been apart for almost a year now? Wow." She grinned awkwardly. "She's a lucky girl."

"I'm afraid you misunderstood me again," James said, looking past her and picturing another girl in his mind. "We're not together. Have never been," he mumbled, sounding much more miserable than he intended.

"You're not--? But then why can't we--?" Marilyn said and nervously twirled a strand of hair around her finger. She was obviously very confused.

"Because I'm in love with her," James repeated. "I already told you that."

"And she doesn't know yet? Why don't you tell her? I'm sure she feels the same way about you."

James rolled his eyes. Girls could be really crazy sometimes. How could Marilyn be 'sure' that Lily returned his feelings although Marilyn did not even _know_ her?! "Well, she does know how I feel," James said, pretending to be casual, "and I _know_ she doesn't return my feelings."

"I'm sure you misunderstood her," Marilyn said in an encouraging voice. "Have you ever tried to ask her out?"

"Of course."

"Well, what did she say?"

"Her exact words were, _I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the Giant Squid_."

"The 'Giant Squid?' What exactly--?" Marilyn was even more confused now than before.

"The 'Giant Squid' is just that: a giant squid."

"Oh."

"Yes."

"Well."

"Mmm."

"So you're still not over her yet?"

James blinked in annoyance (actually, he had blinked a lot during their conversation but most of the time it had been because of his impaired vision on his left eye). "Why would I want to get over her?"

"Because -- if she doesn't return your feelings-- Well, do you never want to have a girlfriend? Not even kiss another girl?" She even managed not to sound hopeful during that last statement.

"Nope. I want my first kiss to be with her," James declared, convinced.

"But I thought she didn't return your feelings?"

"Maybe she will. One day." _One day in the distant future._

"And you want to wait until that day? Even if you aren't sure it's ever going to happen?"

"Of course I'll wait. I mean, I can't just spend my time with kissing other girls while I'm waiting for her, can I? I want to kiss _her_, you see? Not just anyone. And kissing other girls wouldn't help anyone: neither me nor her nor the other girls."

Then something really unexpected happened: Marilyn threw her arms around his neck and hugged him very tightly. It was only a hug between friends, nothing more, but James felt a bit uncomfortable nonetheless. "That's so sweet of you. She really_ is_ a lucky girl."

"Well," James frowned very hard and blinked a few more times. He did not really know what to make of this situation. "She'd certainly disagree with you on that." He shrugged and tried to subtly entangle himself from Marilyn's embrace.

She looked at him with a very odd expression. Like you would use when looking at a cute little Puffskein. "You're so romantic," she said, sounding wistful.

James just huffed indignantly. He had never pictured himself as romantic. Lily would certainly laugh her head off if anyone ever told her James Potter was 'romantic.' And yet Marilyn was not the first person who had told him that. Sirius had often accused him of being romantic, too. But contrary to Marilyn, he did not think it was 'sweet' but 'hopeless' and 'idiotic.'

"Why do you love her?" Marilyn asked curiously.

"Dunno." James thoughtfully removed his glasses and twisted them in his hands. "I just -- _do_, you know? She's just great. I suppose she's everything I'm not. She's always kind to everyone, even to little annoying first-years and Slytherins and outsiders; but then again, she can get very angry if someone treats someone else badly. She believes in fairness and such things. And she's intelligent and works hard for school and yet she isn't nerdy at all. No idea why not. It doesn't make much sense. But it's really like that. And she's helpful and nice and she fights for what she believes in."

"But you're nice to outsiders and all as well," Marilyn protested. "You were the only one here who -- _included_ me. You talked to me and spent time together with me - and you help me with the laundry. No one else does it."

James's head reddened by that amount of praise. She was completely exaggerating! "Listen, Marilyn, I have not done much. I just talked to you when we were sitting on the subs bench together and I worked together with you during assignments because the others are too conceited and they probably don't want to have to do anything with us anyway -- I'm not _nice_. Not generally. Only to my friends."

"So we're friends?" Marilyn asked hopefully.

Something about that question tore at James's heartstrings. He remembered his first day in the Hogwarts Express with painful clarity. A young boy, dressed very properly in very expensive cloaks, and his black hair combed very properly in a very proper haircut, had burst into his compartment, flopped down in the seat next to him and said excitedly, '_Hello. I'm Sirius Black. Do you want to be my friend?_' - '_Sure_,' James had replied because he did not have a friend yet and you needed friends at school, right? Then Sirius had grinned widely at him and said enthusiastically, '_That's great_.' James had never seen such a radiant and infectious grin on someone else before and somehow it did not fit at all to the boy's proper clothes and proper haircut. From then on, Sirius Black and James Potter had been best friends.

Now James mumbled, "Sure," too, in reply to Marilyn's question, although now he was seventeen years old and not eleven, and knew very well that you did not form friendships just like that. He also knew that Marilyn could never even remotely be what Sirius was to him.

--

Later that evening found James pacing restlessly in his room. Everyone at the British Youngsters Quidditch Academy had a single room. On the one hand, James was glad he had his privacy, on the other, he often felt lonely without the company of the other boys. Not the boys from the Academy, certainly not, but his friends from Hogwarts. Most of all Sirius, naturally. But also Peter, the third Marauder in their little group. Then there were also Alex and Chris who were not Marauders but nice enough nonetheless. Well, not exactly what you would call 'nice' but they could be fun to spend time with and they were his dorm mates and they just belonged there to make James feel at home.

This room at the Quidditch Academy was not home. It would be almost two more months until James would finally go home (at his parents'). Two more months spent with hard training where the others would not want to team up with him during exercises and would not pass the Quaffle to him during training matches. Two more months spent with worrying about his not up-to-date broomstick and Quidditch sneakers. Two more months spent with cleaning the changing rooms and doing other unpleasant tasks to earn the money he needed to buy those. Two more months spent with enduring the not outright hostile but always superior or disinterested glances of the fellow students at the Academy. Not a very bright prospect.

Oh, how he longed for the holidays! He would see his parents again, live in his old room, spend time with his best friend again, who was going to stay with him during the holidays. Certainly Peter would come over for a week or two, too. And it would be just like old times.

But two more months. Two more months spent with--

It was unfair, really. The summer holidays for the Hogwarts students already started one month earlier. What James would have given to shorten his stay at the Academy for one month, too, and start the summer holidays! That was certainly an advantage of being at Hogwarts. Longer holidays. And that was not the only advantage. If he were still at Hogwarts now-- The exams were probably just over, and now the best time of the term would begin. You did not have to work for school anymore or worry about good marks (as if James ever did--), the atmosphere was relaxed, both teachers and students were good-natured and very prank-susceptible. You could swim in the lake and play with the Giant Squid, spend the mild nights on the Astronomy Tower (or on a broomstick) and simply enjoy your life. James missed those days. Hag's Hell, he really did. He wished for nothing more than being at Hogwarts right now.

_Wait a moment. _He stopped in his pacing and stared at the poster at the wall that showed the team of the Tutshill Tornadoes. He was supposed to be glad he had been accepted here at the Quidditch Academy. It was the surest way to become a professional Quidditch player later and he had always wanted to become a famous Chaser. More than anything else. _But do I really?_ he wondered. Deep in thought, he gazed at the open book on his little desk, a textbook about medical care in professional sport. _Not if it's like this_, James answered his own question honestly. If being a professional Quidditch player meant living like this, then he did not want to become one. He would much rather--

Marry. Start a family. Raise children and teach them how to fly, read the Tales of Beedle the Bard to them and show them how to sneak around with the Invisibility Cloak. James almost gagged at his own thoughts. He was _not_ supposed to think like that. Starting a family was something for old people. He was still young. His life had just started. It was currently the prime of his young life. He had still so much to do before he would settle down at long last. And, after all, he, James Potter, Hogwarts' best Quidditch player and one of the school's most talented students, could not possibly simply become a _househusband._

_Maybe I could become an Auror together with Sirius_, he considered his options, _and then we could hunt vampires and werewolves and Death Eaters together. We would become famous as the best Aurors ever who saved wizardkind. _Yes, becoming an Auror was a good idea. It was definitely cooler than being a househusband.

When James had reached that conclusion, he heard a faint clatter at his window. Recognising the dark shape as his owl Urania, he quickly darted over and excitedly opened the window to let her in. But his anticipation was soon disappointed. Urania did not bring a letter with her. Of course she did not. The last letter James had received from Sirius had arrived only yesterday. Although Sirius did write him quite often, he did not write _that_ often. But James always hoped nonetheless.

"Hiya, little one." James distractedly patted his owl's head. She only hooted softly, ignored him and flew to the box of Owl Biscuits on the floor, in which she excitedly pecked. Feeling a bit angry at his unsympathetic owl, James sat down on his bed and reread Sirius's last letter.

_Hi James!_

_You'd better not read this letter when you're in a bad mood because it will only worsen it._

_Bad news: we were flattened in our last Quidditch match against Hufflepuff. It was SOOO embarrassing. We scored only one goal. Actually, we didn't even achieve that. It was an own goal of Emma Prewett. At least the match was relatively short. So, surprisingly, Ravenclaw did not win the Quidditch Cup. Hufflepuff did because they got so many points against us. Ravenclaw'll probably win the House Cup. We're at the last place - as well as in Quidditch. _

_On the bright side, Peter passed his Transfiguration exam although McG. has been predicting for the whole year that he was never up to study Transfiguration in NEWTs class. Serves her right! Madam Rosmerta has asked me AGAIN how you are. I think she fancies you. Something else happened. Something very amazing: Evans almost seemed to be worried for me for about half a second. During that disastrous Quidditch match, I was badly hit by a Bludger. The problem was that one was coming at me from behind and the other came directly towards my head. I chose to deflect the one aiming at my head and so the other hit me right in the back and broke my spine. It was scary. I couldn't move anymore, the only thing I could do was open and close my eyes. I think she was briefly looking at me in a worried way. But maybe I was hallucinating from the pain. What I want to say is: Maybe she doesn't hate us as much as she pretends to do. Maybe she has a soft spot for you, too! I know, you are NOT interested in her but I thought I should prepare you for this._

_Many greetings from Peter. Remus says I should greet you for him, too. He and Peter are currently here in the Hospital Wing to visit me. Pomfrey STILL hasn't allowed me to leave. Well, Remus doesn't know you and you don't know him but many greetings from Remus nonetheless. He's crazy like that._

_Sirius_

_P.S.: Don't feed Richard too much! He's still on a diet!_

Smiling sadly, James shook his head. Sirius's owl Richard II had been on a diet as long as James could remember. He was always caught between grinning and feeling miserable when reading Sirius's letters. And he thoroughly hated the fact that a _letter_ could make him emotional like that. The letter revealed two more reasons that made him want to return to Hogwarts: Firstly, Gryffindor's disastrous Quidditch results. The team very obviously needed a superb Chaser and an able captain. When _he_ had been captain, they had won the Cup two times in a row. Secondly, Lily Evans. The fact (or maybe not a fact. Maybe, no: hopefully, Sirius _had _been imagining things because of the pain) that she had been worried for Sirius filled James with overwhelming jealousy.

Yes, those two reasons were very good justifications to return to Hogwarts. There was actually a third, and that was Sirius. James missed him more and more with every letter.

And there was of course the reason that his summer holidays would start one month earlier if he was at Hogwarts. James nodded thoughtfully. Yes, a very good reason, indeed. Seized by a sudden determination, he grabbed ink and quill and sat down to compose a letter for the Hogwarts' Headmaster.

_Dear Professor Dumbledore,_

_I don't know if you still remember me. My name is James Potter and I used to attend your school for five years. I was in Gryffindor and I was the Quidditch captain for two years. Although I received eight OWLs, I left for the British Youngsters Quidditch Academy to train to become a professional Quidditch player. After one year here, I have come to realise that becoming a Quidditch player is not what I really wanted. I have been blinded by the fame that such a position promises. I feel like my destiny lies not on a broomstick. In our times, there are certainly more honourable things to do than playing Quidditch. More than anything, I would like to help fight the dark forces who threaten wizarding society. Therefore, I would like to continue studying at Hogwarts because I feel that young wizards are provided for such a future in the best way possible at your school. I hope that my change of mind has not come too late and you will accept me at Hogwarts again. Furthermore, I was informed that the Gryffindor Quidditch team has not been very successful anymore. I would be willing to take on the position of the captain again to train the team with my knowledge that I received here at the Quidditch Academy._

_Yours sincerely, _

_James Potter._

James called his owl to him and tied the roll of parchment to her legs. She protested a bit and tried to bite him because she was not happy with all the work she had to do lately. When he had still been at Hogwarts, James had only occasionally written a letter to his parents and sometimes ordered joke items or presents for his friends.

Feeling already much better now that he had reached the decision to return to Hogwarts, James lay down on bed. In his mind, he already pictured seeing Lily again:

_Gryffindor had spectacularly won their first Quidditch match of the season. James, who had trained so much during his stay at the Academy, had scored goal after goal. The opponent Keeper had not had a chance. Nonetheless, James lay severely injured and unconscious in the Hospital Wing now. He had been badly hit by a Bludger._

It did not make much sense, of course. James was such a good flyer, he could certainly avoid the Bludgers. And _if_ a Bludger came too close to him, Sirius would always be there in time to beat off everything. _Hmm..._

_He had been hit by a Bludger which was meant to distract the Gryffindor Seeker from getting the Snitch. James, who always only cared for the team's victory and not for his own safety, had used his own body as a means to give their Seeker free range. He had tragically sacrificed his own well-being for Gryffindor's victory. _

_So now he was in the Hospital Wing. When he woke up, he saw Lily sitting on a chair next to his bed. Upon seeing him awake, she jumped up and bent over him with a very worried expression on her face. _

"_Oh James, you're alive, thank Merlin," she whispered, and there were tears like little diamonds in her bright green eyes. Taking his hand in hers, she asked, "How are you feeling?" _

"_I'm fine," James said bravely although even the effort to speak caused him horrible pain. "Don't worry about me."_

"_I was so worried for you," Lily sobbed quietly. "When I saw you unconscious on the Quidditch pitch, I thought for a moment you were dead! It was the most terrible thing in my life. If you had died, then I would never have had the chance to tell you how much I love you."_

"_You love me?" James asked in surprise._

"_Of course I do. I want you to know that I truly, deeply love you. If something like this happens again--"_

"_I love you too," James said, smiling despite the pain it caused him. _

_And then... Lily kissed him. It was sweet and wonderful and passionate and gentle and needy all at the same time. _

"_Wow." When Lily moved back to regain her breath, her cheeks were slightly flushed and her beautiful eyes were sparkling. "You're a great kisser. You must have had much practice before."_

"_No, never," James replied. " This was just my first kiss."_

"_Really?" Lily said in surprise. "But why? I can't believe there have never been girls before who were interested in you. Not even at the Quidditch Academy?"_

"_Of course there were several who were interested in me and many wanted to kiss me. But I swear to you: I never looked twice at another girl, never kissed anyone else. I wanted my first kiss to be with you."_

"_Oh James, that's so romantic," Lily said, smiling widely at him._

"_And what about you?" James asked hesitantly. "How many boys have you already kissed?"_

"_This was my first kiss, too," Lily said, smiling at him and blushing slightly. "I never wanted to kiss anyone I didn't love. I have always only loved you and I will always only love you."_

"_You have always loved me?" James asked in surprise. "But why did you never tell me?"_

This was the point where James's fantasy stopped. No matter how much he tried to twist things: it did not make sense. Why would Lily have refused his advances if she, indeed, had always loved him? In frustration, James banged his fist on the mattress. Lily Evans was such a complicated person! It was so hard to read her. Why, just why did she reject him like that?! If she really loved him back, she would know how much it hurt him. The other explanation would be that she did not love him at all, and that was something James out-right refused to think about. Maybe -- maybe she simply did not know she loved him. Yes, that seemed a plausible justification for her odd behaviour.

"_I just never realised how much you meant to me until today when I thought you were dead. Only then I fully realised the true extent of my feelings for you. I was confused earlier. I didn't understand what it was about you. But now I know that I love you and I'm sorry I behaved towards you the way I did. That must have been hard to you."_

"_Yes, it was," James said quietly, remembering very well all his doubts and insecurities, but then he looked up at her and smiled again. "But that's the past. No need to linger there any longer. We have the present now."_

_And then they kissed again and again and again..._

James smiled in satisfaction into his pillow. Yes, that was a good ending. All happy and how it was supposed to be.

_And they lived happily ever after._

* * *

**Author's Note:** Let me know what you thought of my characterisation of James.

The next chapter: Dumbledore's reply to James, and James' reaction to certain revelations ;-)

And here are the translations for the German parts:

"What's that boy doing down there?"

"My, he looks like an owl, doesn't he?"

"An owl which crashed into a window."

"But a cute owl nonetheless."

(Don't forget to add the giggles!)

"What did he say?"

"I didn't catch it, he spoke so quickly. Didn't sound particularly nice, though."


	2. You're The One Who Is Jealous

**Author's Note:** Happy New Year! Sorry for the long wait... I spent the Christmas holidays with my family - and without internet access, so that's my excuse for being so slow with updating. Nonetheless, I got a bit of writing done in the holidays and so I hope the next chapters will be added more quickly.

Also, I want to thank everyone who reviewed and whom I haven't sent a review reply yet. Usually, I try to answer each review personally (if it's longer than one sentence - by that I don't mean to convince you to write long reviews, I really appreciate every review, it's just that I don't know what else to write but 'thank you!' in response to the really short ones) and I'll send you your personal reply tomorrow.

Special thanks to mokubahv who beta-reads for me!

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**You're The One Who Is Jealous**

James did not have to wait very long for a response from Professor Dumbledore. He was more than relieved when he recognized the familiar thin, slanting writing on the envelope. The last days had not been nice with everyone making fun of him because he wore his ridiculous-looking Quidditch glasses. He still did not have new glasses and the Quidditch glasses made him look like a mixture of frog, owl and muggle diver.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_I do, indeed, remember you, seeing that no student (with the exception of Mr. Sirius Black, perhaps) has ever been in my office that often before._

_I am pleased to hear that you want to dedicate your life to fight prejudice, discrimination and cruelty among wizards. Nonetheless, I am convinced that one may enjoy the pleasures of Quidditch from time to time without a guilty conscience._

_After a discussion with your Head of House concerning your request to return to Hogwarts, I am sure you could catch up with the topics that you missed by working hard during the summer holidays with a little help from your friends. I have two conditions for you if you want to study at Hogwarts again: the first being that you cannot become the Gryffindor Quidditch captain as the team already has one. Secondly, I will be needing a new Head Boy next year. If you are willing to take up that position, I would be pleased to welcome you back at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Professor Albus Dumbledore_

James stared dumfoundedly at the parchment. _Me, Head Boy?!_ He could not believe his eyes. Was Dumbledore joking or had the old man really lost it now? What crazy motive was behind this latest crazy move of his? Did he expect James to study the school rules for the first time in his life because, as Head Boy, he would have to check if others kept to them? Was Dumbledore simply getting back at him for all the pranks he had pulled?

Very hesitantly, James began composing a reply.

_Dear Professor Dumbledore,_

_Thank you very much for your nice reply. I am very happy that you are willing to accept me again. I'm ready to do everything to return to Hogwarts, so if you really want me to become Head Boy, I guess I will try my best to do it. Of course I fully understand that you do not want to replace the current Quidditch captain with me - that would be very bad for the team spirit. I appologize for being so preposterous to suggest something like that without thinking. I will cooperate with the captain and will do everything so the team will profit from my experiences at the Quidditch Academy. Self-evidently, I will work very hard during the summer holidays to catch up with the things I missed._

_Yours sincerely,_

_James Potter_

James reread the letter and nodded in satisfaction. It sounded very mature, very convincing, like a well-behaved student. Naturally, he had been a bit disappointed when Dumbledore had informed him that he could not become the Quidditch captain again but he knew there was no use arguing. So he had better pretend to be modest and understanding. Because one thing was fully true: he was ready to do _everything_ to be able to return to Hogwarts. He would even try to be Head Boy. But only 'try' - no promises there. 'Try' could mean anything.

-------

One week later, James happily stood in front of Hogwarts Castle, looking up in awe at the magnificent building as he did on his first day. It was a nice summer day which meant James was sweating profoundly because he was carrying an enormous trunk, a shoulder bag, the cage with his owl Urania in it, and his broomstick. Climbing up the seven staircases to the Gryffindor common room seemed an almost impossible task. While he was trying to remember which shortcut or secret passageway was best to use, he heard a loud scream behind him.

"_JAMES!!!_"

He spun around and found Sirius racing towards him at lightning speed. James tried to move out of harm's way but he did not stand a chance. Sirius literally jumped at him, flung his arms around him and thus sent all of the baggage flying to the ground (James and Sirius following suit).

"Sirius!" James barked as he spat and tried to get Sirius' long hair out of his mouth. "Are you mad?!"

Sirius let finally go of him and asked excitedly, "What'cha doing here?"

"I'm back," James said simply and tried to sit up, which was rather difficult with the owl cage and Sirius on top of him.

"You're back?" Sirius said incredulously and then he laughed that loud, barking laugh of his, and there was something utterly infectious about Sirius's laughter that made James completely forget that he was angry at Sirius for attacking him like that. So he joined in Sirius' laughter and Urania's indignant shrieks. A few moments later, a face appeared over them and looked down at them with curiosity and excitement.

"Hiya Peter," James said, grinning broadly.

Peter's grin was just as wide. "So you're going to stay at Hogwarts again? That's brilliant, mate," he said enthusiastically.

"Why didn't you tell us you were going to come back?" Sirius demanded and gave James a friendly punch in the ribs.

"Dunno. It was a really spontaneous decision."

James was spared from further explanation when a second face appeared next to Peter's. James did not know the person but he supposed it must be Remus Lupin. Sirius had written him about the new boy who had become a good friend of Sirius and Peter.

"Hello," the boy said, smiling down in amusement at the mess of two boys and baggage on the ground. "I reckon you're James?"

"Yeah." Slightly curious, James wondered what Sirius and Peter had told that boy about him. "And you're Remus?"

"Yes. Pleased to meet you."

"Sirius, will you finally get down off of me?" James shoved Sirius off him in a not very gentle way and straightened up. He measured the boy standing next to Peter with curiosity. Remus looked back at him just as curiously. James wondered if Remus was also comparing the information he had been given about the other boy so far with the first impression he was getting now. James' first impression of Remus Lupin was not exactly positive. He came to a relatively quick conclusion: boring. Remus was very properly dressed in his school robes, the shirt was buttoned up and the tie was tied neatly. He had a somewhat old-fashioned haircut and a worn leather bag slung over his shoulder. All in all, he was just someone you would overlook: pale face, boring and totally normal-average-hair-colour, neither tall nor small, maybe a little bit too thin.

Somewhat awkwardly, the two boys shook hands. Next to them, Sirius excitedly bounced up and down. "Remus, this is James Potter," he introduced them unnecessarily. "He's the best Quidditch player at Hogwarts and also the best prankster next to me, of course. James, this is Remus Lupin. He's a werewolf."

James gasped. So did Remus. Actually, Remus reacted even more strongly to that statement than James did. He paled, breathed heavily and frantically looked around as if he was expecting someone to attack him. If James had ever considered Remus Lupin boring, he knew he had been thoroughly wrong. A werewolf at Hogwarts! That was unbelievable!

"You're really a werewolf?" he said incredulously. "Man, that's cool!" Remus' jaw dropped down at that. James was positive that no one had ever stared at him with such an odd expression. He awkwardly cleared his throat. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Well, being a werewolf is not exactly _cool_," Sirius said, frowning very hard at James.

"Why's that?"

"Well, transformations are pretty painful," Sirius explained to him. "If werewolves are locked away during the full moon, they usually bite themselves because they can't get human flesh."

"Oh." James gave Remus a sympathetic glance, suddenly seeing the boring boy in a different light. "We'll do something about that."

"There's nothing you can do about it," Sirius said somewhat harshly, which confused James a bit. "There's no cure for lycanthropy."

"Well, we'll think of something to make the transformations less painful," James assured Remus.

"I told you: There's nothing we can do!" Sirius said in an almost aggressive voice.

"Merlin's Beard, Sirius, what's wrong with you? We'll think of something. I mean, we're the most talented students at Hogwarts. We've already done lots of crazy things that other people thought we'd never be able to do."

Sirius shook his head in exasperation. "You don't understand, James. This is different from the other things we did so far. If there was really something to help werewolves through their transformations, scientists would have already discovered it."

James did not understand what was wrong with Sirius. He normally did not give up this easily. Why did he react so strongly to this? Before James could try to convince Sirius to do something, Remus spoke up.

"I'm afraid I have to agree with Sirius on this," he said, trying to placate them both. "But thanks for that nonetheless, James. It means a lot that you're willing to help me."

James shrugged it off. "You're welcome." He gestured to his luggage on the ground. "Could you give me a hand here?" As Remus was a werewolf and therefore had additional strength, James handed him the trunk and the bag.

"Merlin, James! Can't you carry your things alone? Remus is not your house elf."

James blinked at Sirius. Just what was wrong with him? Why was he snapping at James all the time? "But, I mean, he's a werewolf, he can --"

"Don't you --!" Sirius fiercely rounded on James and glared at him. "Just because he was bitten as a small child and turns into a wolf once a month does _not_ mean he's inferior to you! He's --"

"Er, Sirius," Peter intervened, "I don't think James meant that. He probably just thought Remus had Werewolf Strength or something like that. Remember, you thought that too, not so long ago, and did a rather crazy experiment to find out."

Peter grinned, Sirius blushed and Remus chuckled. James felt somewhat left out of things. It was probably an inside joke only the three boys knew about. For some reason, it bothered James that he was not included in it.

"So you don't have Werewolf Strength?" James asked Remus.

"Not at all," Remus answered.

"That's a pity. Could be quite useful, couldn't it? Still, I guess a werewolf could be great help in our pranks," James mused. He definitely saw now why Sirius wanted Remus to become a Marauder, too.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "How so?"

"Well, you can see in the dark can't you? And you can smell people approaching. That's really handy, you know? You could always warn us if Mrs. Norris is near."

Peter chuckled. "What do you expect? That his _fur_ suddenly stands up if he smells cats?"

James threw Peter a reproachful glance. What had happened with Peter? Since when did he mock James? More and more, James had the feeling that he had missed many things that had happened while he had been at the Academy.

"Listen James, I can neither see in the dark, nor smell better than other people," Remus explained patiently.

"You can't?" James said incredulously. "But you're a _werewolf_."

"Only one day of the month," Remus said awkwardly.

"Oh." James scrutinised the other boy one more time. His impression of Remus shifted non-stop. First boring student, then exciting werewolf, then not-so-exciting werewolf. Frankly, he had no idea what to make of Remus. "So you mean to say you're completely normal just like any other human but for the day of the full moon?" James stated in slight disappointment.

Remus smiled in embarrassment. "Whether I'm completely normal just like any other human -- I'll leave that decision to you."

James frowned in confusion. "Well, as you can probably tell by now, I don't know what exactly your condition includes. So _you_ tell me."

"What he's trying to say is," Sirius interjected, "that many people don't regard werewolves as 'normal' or 'human,' not even in their human form. Certainly you've heard of all the prejudices against werewolves. You're from an old wizarding family too; did your parents never tell you stories about the Big Evil Werewolf that's going to come and eat you if you don't clean up your room?"

"Yes, of course," James said impatiently, "but those are _stories_, Sirius. I'm not five years old anymore. It's like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny."

"With the only difference being that werewolves really exist," Sirius said.

"Yes, but not like the Big Evil Werewolf that'll eat you and all. I'm certainly not afraid of it coming for me if I don't tidy up." James shook his head. Something was definitely wrong with Sirius; he did not normally behave this oddly.

"Remus is not really what you would consider a 'proper werewolf,'" Peter said good-naturedly. "He's not even allergic to silver."

"Oh dear. But you _do_ turn into a wolf at the night of the full moon, don't you?" James was beginning to doubt even that.

"Yes, of course," Remus confirmed.

James sighed in relief. "Good. Otherwise, I'd've had to ask you what exactly being a werewolf means."

"Will you please stop with that, James?" Sirius said in annoyance. "It's not very sympathetic of you."

"Why, what did I do?" James asked in confusion and growing indignation at his best friend.

"Sirius, it's okay," Remus said softly. "Shall we go upstairs then?" He picked up the trunk and the bag again.

"Wait, you don't have to carry all the stuff," Sirius said quickly and relieved Remus of the heavy trunk.

James frowned even harder and watched the two boys thoroughly. Something was..._off_. Picking up his broomstick and the cage with Urania, James followed them.

"Did something happen to Sirius which has something to do with Remus being a werewolf?" he quietly asked Peter when they were walking behind the other two boys into the castle.

"It doesn't necessarily have something to do with Remus being a werewolf." Peter shrugged. "Sirius simply loves him."

"Yeah, I can tell that," James said a tad sourly. He did not know why that fact bothered him so much.

"I mean -- Sirius loves him in the way of -- like you'd love a girl, you know?"

"No, I don't think I know."

"James!" Peter gave him an exasperated glance. "Sirius is gay. Well, they're both gay."

Several things happened at the same time: Sirius stopped dead in his tracks and his whole body tensed visibly. James stopped dead as well but his whole body slackened. The cage with his owl and his broomstick dropped to the ground. Urania screeched in panic when the cage clattered down the staircase and the poor thing was being thoroughly churned. Remus and Peter made to dart after her to save her from falling down several more steps. James and Sirius, however, stayed rooted to the spot. Very, very slowly, Sirius turned around and stared defiantly at James. James stared back. They stood there for a long time staring at each other.

"So -- you're gay," James stated finally. It was not the most intelligent statement for the current situation but he was too flabbergasted to think of something more eloquent.

"Yes," Sirius replied simply.

"And Remus is, too."

"Yes."

"So you two are --"

"Yes."

"Oh Merlin --" James let out the breath he had been holding. His cheeks were burning with heat and so were Sirius'. It was by far the most embarrassing conversation they had ever had. "Oh Merlin," he said again. "Oh Merlin -- I never thought my best friend could be gay. Oh Merlin --" He furiously ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. "But you -- you had _girl_friends and you dated _girls _and you _snogged_ girls --" He trailed off helplessly. He was completely out of his league with this situation.

"Okay, maybe I'm bisexual," Sirius said, chuckling nervously.

"But then -- I don't understand -- if you're bisexual, then why don't you date girls?"

"_Why_? 'Cause I love him, that's why, James!"

James winced. Sirius's voice had risen considerably and he realised he had better be careful what he said. "So you -- uh, kiss and things?"

"_Obviously_."

"Does it work? With two boys, I mean?"

By that time, Sirius's face had reached a deep shade of purple. He was saved the answer by Remus and Peter arriving with Urania and the cage.

"Here you are." Remus handed James the cage. Instinctively, James took a step back. Again, there was a new facade to Remus Lupin, something that distressed James. Peter carried Urania in his arms and tried to soothe the agitated owl. They wandered up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room in a tense silence.

Heaving a deep sigh, James threw his belongings onto his bed. He could hear Sirius clear his throat awkwardly.

"Er, James, this is Remus' bed now."

"What?" James stared in shock from Sirius to Remus and back. "But -- but it's _my_ bed. I used to sleep here for five years. It's -- mine."

"Well, you were away during the last year," Sirius said in an accusing tone, "and Remus just came to Hogwarts when you left; so obviously, he took your bed. Did you think they'd leave an empty bed standing around in memory of you?"

"But I've slept in this bed for five years!" James protested. "He can't just come and - and -!"

"Stop being so bloody arrogant," Sirius snapped at him. "You snooze, you lose. You chose the Quidditch Academy over Hogwarts - so you obviously don't have a bed in Hogwarts anymore."

James could not believe what he was hearing. Sirius was supposed to be happy that he was back - but no, he was only worried that his werewolf-boyfriend would not sleep in the bed next to him anymore. James knew it was unfair but all his anger was directed at Remus. Wasn't it enough that he had turned James' best friend gay? Did he have to take James' place in the truest sense of the word now, too?!

"It's no problem. It's okay with me if you want to sleep in your old bed again," Remus said. James was getting more and more infuriated by that boy's niceness and politeness and understanding. "I'm going to ask Professor McGonagall if they can put one more bed in our dormitory."

James would have liked to shout at Remus that he did not have a right to call the dormitory '_our_ dormitory' because he had not been living here for even a year and did not fully belong here yet. "Yeah, make sure I get a bed this night, Lupin," James said sourly. "I'm not going to sleep on the floor. I've lived here for five years, so I have certainly more rights than you."

Remus looked a little hurt but he managed to quickly mask that expression. He nodded curtly and gave James a tight smile before he left the room.

"James, will you stop that," Sirius said in a low voice. "It's not his fault that you have such sudden changes of mind. One day you leave, the next day you come back - you can't just assume everyone's been waiting for you to return all the time and everything's ready for James Potter's return. The world doesn't revolve around you."

"Merlin, Sirius, you're really getting on my nerves," James shot back. "You have changed, you know? You're so nitpicky. You're -- girlish. Can't your little shirtlifter talk for himself, or do you always have to defend him?"

"Watch your mouth, James Potter," Sirius growled. "One more word and I'm going to hex your balls off."

"Funny, that coming from someone who obviously doesn't have balls at all," James said sardonically. "You're jealous, huh?"

"Fine, I got that!"

Before James even had his wand out of his pocket, he was crashing backwards into one of the bed curtains. Everything collapsed around him and he found himself entangled in curtains and bed sheets. A sharp sting of pain throbbed in his back where it had hit the bedpost. Removing the thick curtains from his face, he found Sirius glaring daggers down at him.

"I just can't believe this," Sirius said in a condescending tone. "And I always thought you were so open-minded and tolerant contrary to my family. I really can't believe it. It doesn't make sense at all. You were okay with becoming friends with someone from one of the worst and craziest pureblood maniac families, you're in love with a muggle-born, you're not affected at all by Remus being a werewolf - but you have a problem with your best friend being gay?! I just don't get it! What is your fucking problem, Potter?!"

"My problem is that my best friend is a poof, that you're kissing a _boy_ - by the way, when did you plan to tell me? If I hadn't come back, I'd have never found out about this! You've changed so much -- I just can't believe it!"

"You know what? I think you're the one who's jealous. You're jealous because _I_ am in love with someone who actually loves me back! You're jealous because Remus and I are happy together but you and Lily have not even ever held hands - and probably never will!"

"Fuck off, Black! I'm not talking to a bloody poof!" James shouted at him in blind fury.

"You're one to talk! You and your -- and your ridiculous glasses! And - and - and -!" Lost for words, Sirius panted heavily and bared his teeth.

"Just fuck off, Black!" James shouted for the second time this day.

And that was the end of their not-so-intellectual conversation.

Fuming, Sirius stormed out of their dormitory. _Probably going to release his frustration at a long snogging session with his, urgh, boyfriend._ Rubbing his aching back, James got back on his feet. Indecisively, he took a look around. He could not clear out his trunk and bag yet as he did not have a bed yet. A few days ago, nothing had seemed better than coming back here. But now, he felt like he did not belong here anymore either. Many things had changed while he had been away, and, worst of all, Sirius had changed. Earlier, Sirius, James and Peter had been best friends. It had always seemed nothing could come between their little group. But something had come between them. Some_one_, to be precise. A bloody gay werewolf.

Angrily, James adjusted his glasses. Fortunately, he finally had new, fully functional ones, and did not have to wear the Quidditch glasses anymore. Was there really something wrong with his glasses? James hated to admit it but Sirius always seemed to know how to dress and how to behave to make the girls - and, obviously, the boys too - notice him. So maybe he was right. Maybe everyone had a good laugh at the 'four-eyes' James Potter behind his back. Maybe that was the reason why Lily was not interested in him.


	3. He Has Changed

**He Has Changed**

To Remus' relief, Professor McGonagall along with some help from the house elves had quickly taken matters into her hand and arranged for another bed in the Gryffindor six-years' dormitory. It would be quite crammed for the now six boys in one dormitory but it would have to do.

He already met Sirius halfway on his way back to Gryffindor Tower. His hands buried deep in the pockets of his trousers, Sirius stomped down the corridor and occasionally kicked at some suit of armour. _Oh dear._ Sirius was not much fun if he was moody and ill-tempered.

"Hey, I just spoke to Professor McGonagall," Remus addressed him as normally as possible. Sirius gave him a curt glance and then stared back at the floor. "She has another bed brought into our dormitory."

Sirius' lips curled in distaste. "Great." He turned around and walked in the direction of the Great Hall. "I wouldn't mind if that prick slept in the dungeons."

Remus ignored that comment and simply walked along with Sirius.

"Don't mention the word 'James Potter' to me today, please. No, don't ask. I don't want to talk about it."

Remus shrugged and made a noncommittal noise of having understood the message. "Actually, there is something about which _I_ wanted to talk to you," he said when they had passed the Great Hall and headed for the exit.

"Hm," Sirius mumbled grumpily.

Once they were outside, Remus took a look around to make sure no one overheard them, and lowered his voice. "See, as relieved as I am about the reaction of the-person-whose-name-I-must-not-mention-today -- wow, this is almost like He Who Must Not Be Named. Anyway -- I was going to ask you - please don't shout my lycanthropy into the world. You - you can't just tell people - just like that!"

"Well, I was sure he wouldn't react badly," Sirius said curtly.

"Yes, yes," Remus said, not at all satisfied, "but what _if_ he had reacted badly? What if he had _not_ been okay with it and had told the whole school? Sirius, you _know_ that in that case I can practically go into hiding and try to pose as a Muggle. My life in the wizarding world would be as good as over." By now, he had almost talked himself into a state of panic. This was just something which agitated him so much, it was his constant fear.

"What's the point?" Sirius said, still unaffected by Remus' worries because he was too absorbed in his own angriness. "He did not react badly, you can calm down now."

"That exactly is _not_ the point," Remus said, growing a bit angry now, too. Gesticulating wildly in the air (towards the Whomping Willow, as he dimly realised), he marched a few strides in front of Sirius. "You can't just tell anyone that I'm a -- you-know-what! Please, Sirius, my lycanthropy is not something to discuss over dinner!"

"James isn't _anyone_," Sirius retorted. "He's my best friend."

"But still! Whether he's your best friend or not - that doesn't mean he's going to accept it!"

"Listen, Remus," Sirius tried to placate him, "I _knew_ he would accept it. I was sure he could be trusted with it."

"Well, _I_ was sure I could trust you with it, _too_, when I told you!"

Remus immediately regretted his harsh words when he was met by the deafening silence from Sirius. Usually, they tried to avoid speaking about that not so brilliant episode in their relationship. It was an unspoken agreement between them to pretend it had never happened. Remus knew Sirius was immensely sorry for his behaviour and Sirius knew it was only painful to Remus to be reminded of how his trust had been broken.

"Thanks," Sirius finally said in a dull voice after both of them had spent considerable amount of time staring at the grass and the Whomping Willow respectively. "That was just what I needed today. My best friend calls me a fucking shirtlifter and --"

"I shouldn't have brought it up," Remus said quickly because he was not in the mood of getting into a fight with Sirius now just as well. "I'm sorry, okay?"

Sirius sighed deeply and kicked his toecap into the grass again and again. "Don't apologise, okay?" he mumbled somewhat embarrassedly. "Makes me just feel worse."

Again, Remus checked if people were watching them. Most of the students were at the lake and definitely far enough away, so he pulled Sirius close, and briefly kissed him on the cheek. "Just promise me you won't tell anyone else without at least discussing it with me first."

"I promise," Sirius said and lightly brushed Remus' arm in confirmation. Although the whole school knew they were a couple, they usually did not display their affections in public. Kissing was not much fun with spiteful comments, giggles and whistles around you.

"I won't tell anyone else of your secret," Sirius continued earnestly, "but James needed to know. See, I'd do almost everything for you but lying to my best friend is not one of it."

Remus nodded in understanding. He knew how much friendship and honesty meant to Sirius. It was one of the reasons why everything had gone so wrong when Remus had finally brought himself to confide his secret to Sirius, long after they had shared their first kiss and had told each other they loved each other.

"So now what? How about playing a bit of Quidditch?" Remus suggested. There was no better thing to distract you from brooding than flying on a broomstick high above everything.

Sirius agreed but when they reached the Quidditch pitch, he decided otherwise because James was already there along with a large audience watching his impressive stunts on his racing broom.

xxxxx

James spent the rest of the day flying. Some people, including Peter, were watching him and cheering at the new spectacular moves he had learned at the Quidditch Academy. That helped build up James' self-confidence again. But as soon as he got back in the dormitory of the Gryffindor sixth-years boys, his spirits sank again and his blood pressure rose all the more. Sirius and Lupin sat together in Sirius' bed and they were _reading_.

_So you've stepped this low, Sirius_, James thought angrily. _You're practically a slave to him. You do everything, absolutely everything, for him. What happened to your self-esteem? _

Sirius had his back leant against Lupin's chest. Lupin was reading the book, which Sirius was holding in his lap, over Sirius' shoulder. He had his arms wound around Sirius' waist and his fingers played distractedly with the hem of Sirius' shirt. Both of them seemed to be too engaged in the book to notice James. And they obviously did not care in the slightest that their dorm mates saw them _like that_. Trying not to look at them, James moodily flopped down on the sixth bed, which the house elves had brought here for him earlier this evening.

"How about a match of chess?" Peter addressed James, whose eyes had, against his will, wandered over to the two gay, _reading_ boys again.

"Yeah," James said and tore his gaze from the disturbing sight. He could be glad at least Peter was still normal.

James lost the first match in only five minutes. Who could blame him if highly disturbing conversations took place in the other bed?

"Have you finished the page yet?" Lupin asked impatiently.

"No, still a few more sentences," Sirius mumbled and his eyes darted back and forth over the page in concentration.

Lupin groaned in frustration. "Just how slow can you get? Hurry up a bit, I want to know what happens next."

"Well, did you understand the first paragraph?"

"No, obviously not. We're not _supposed_ to understand it yet, Sirius. It's a cipher message."

"I know that, but we can still try to figure out what it means."

"Well, the surest way would be to continue reading. It'll be explained in the later chapters, I'm sure of that."

"But I wanna find out now."

"But if you figure it out now, there's no reason in reading the rest of the book if you already know what it means."

"Are you sure?"

"Positively."

"Alright then."

"Are you finished now?"

"Remus, just how am I supposed to read if you talk to me the whole time?"

James gave a long suffering sigh. Peter followed his gaze and grinned knowingly.

"I don't really see what all the fuss was about who owned which bed," he whispered conspiratorially to James. "I mean, they share one bed anyway often enough. Why not make it a permanent arrangement?"

James grimaced in disgust. "They do?" he whispered back.

"Yeah."

"And what do they… you know… _do_?"

"Uh… I think they mostly only cuddle and kiss. I've never seen them sleep naked together."

James eyed Peter suspiciously. "How would you know? Don't they close the curtains around them?"

"Erm." Peter blushed in embarrassment. "I - I was curious. I checked. Once or twice."

"You peeked?" James asked incredulously.

"Only once or twice," Peter repeated, his blush deepening even more.

"Oh Merlin. Please tell me you're not gay too, and that's why you're spying on them."

"No!" Peter exclaimed vehemently. He quickly lowered his voice again when Remus threw him a brief glance. "No, of course not. Just because I'm curious, it doesn't mean I'm gay. Besides, you're watching them too."

"I'm not --" James began to protest but then realised that Peter had been right with his observation. He _had_ been watching the two boys again. Well, not everyday did you see two boys who behaved so oddly.

"I know." Peter nodded in understanding. "It's a bit unusual seeing two boys kiss each other or hold hands. You'll get used to it."

"Are you sure?" James asked worriedly.

"Yes, yes. At first, it was really strange to me too. I've gotten used to it." Peter shrugged nonchalantly. "Another match?"

"Okay," James agreed, willing to do anything that distracted him from watching Sirius and Lupin. This time, the match took longer and Peter needed thirty minutes to beat James. James was not up for another match and chose to skim his Transfiguration textbook instead. He had a lot to catch up with, so better start early. _Now look what's happening. I'm starting to read and study, __**too**_

"He has changed," James said with a big lump in his throat and another glance at a reading Sirius.

"Sirius?" Peter mumbled. "Nah, he hasn't changed much. Just because he reads from time to time doesn't mean he's not the same person anymore."

"It's not just that," James insisted. "You wouldn't be able to tell, you've seen him all year, you didn't realise the change because you saw it subtly and gradually. Trust me, he _has_ changed. And not just a little bit."

xxxxx

Later that night, when everyone else was already asleep, Sirius quietly crawled into Remus' bed. The other boy was still awake, too.

"Hi," Remus whispered and cast a Silencing Charm around them so they could talk without anyone overhearing them.

"James is an idiot," Sirius said before he had even properly snuggled against Remus. He had tried to avoid talking - and thinking - too much about James' idiotic behaviour but had found it quite difficult.

"Yeah, I think you already mentioned that," Remus mumbled sleepily. "He'll come around soon. It's just the shock. Most people react badly to homosexuality. You remember when the whole school found out about us? Almost everyone was disgusted at first but now most people are okay with it."

"But he's my best friend!" Sirius insisted. "I can't believe he -- He really is an idiot. And it's not just all the insults he used. His whole behaviour is just so - so arrogant, and he treats you like you have no right to be here and --"

"Now, please, don't worry about _me_. I think he treats me well enough. I like him."

And that was one of the problems. Sirius was sure that Remus was only taking so kindly to James because he had accepted his lycanthropy so quickly. Remus was willing to put up with all sorts of insults and degradations as long as James was okay with him being a werewolf. And that was simply not right! Remus deserved so much more than that.

"He's a bit short-tempered and sometimes naive and maybe a bit arrogant, yes, but he has a good heart," Remus elaborated further. "He's much like you."

Sirius did not like the idea at all. It was unfair of Remus to claim that Sirius was just as arrogant a jerk as James. Sirius was _not_ homophobic. He did _not_ treat his best friend's friends as if they were worthless. But there was another reason why Sirius did not like that idea: He was sure he would come out as the loser of that comparison.

_You're really a werewolf?__ Man, that's cool_. James had not even known Remus, had not known what a wonderful, nice, smart, helpful and totally un-werewolf-ish person Remus Lupin was, and nevertheless James had reacted as if Remus had told him nothing more than that he had just got the new Comet Two Forty.

_We'll think of something to make the transformations less painful_. Yes, of course there was nothing you could do to help werewolves during their transformations but James had not known that. And although Sirius knew by now that helping Remus during his transformation was impossible, the idea to offer him help had never even occurred to him earlier. He had always thought the only way to help Remus was to be there for him after the full moon night, to visit him in the Hospital Wing, cheer him up with stupid jokes, bring him chocolate or the last day's homework, the Daily Prophet or a good book, and tell him how much he loved him.

"I feel like shit," Sirius declared. He supposed James' reaction was the one any sane person should have: If someone experienced pain, you should offer to help them. But what had Sirius done? He _hated_ to be reminded of it.

"Why, what's wrong?" Remus asked in mild amusement. "Because I said James was much like you? Naturally, I meant only his positive characteristics," he tried to joke.

If only Sirius had James' positive characteristics! If only his first instinct when Remus had

confessed his werewolf condition to him had been to offer help, too! As it looked, Sirius only shared James' negative characteristics: arrogance, a short temper and intolerance.

He sighed audibly. "I'm an idiot."

"Oh dear, oh dear. What's wrong with you? You wanna talk about it?"

"No." No, anything but talk about it! He would never live through that.

"Alright then." So Remus decided to kiss him instead, which was a very good idea. The best thing about kissing was (if you did not count the warmth that spread through your whole body when lips brushed gently, the tingling sensation that ran down your spine when tongues swirled around each other, the heated excitement when hands touched you in sensitive places, and the feeling of security when you were wrapped in someone else's arms and – and – and…) was that you could solve almost everything with kissing. Sirius sighed contentedly and relaxed in Remus' arms.

"I'm glad he's back, you know?"

"M-hm. I thought so. After all that craziness you went through when he was away…"

Sirius grimaced. That was something else he did not want to be reminded of. So this time, _he_ instigated the kiss. Of all their kisses, he liked their sleepy goodnight-kisses best: When both of them were too tired to deepen or prolong the kiss and their lips and noses only slightly touched, when fingers softly traced your arms or played idly with strands of hair, and when you could not think properly anymore because this pleasant feeling of sleepiness, fuzziness and cosy warmth took over your mind. Sirius craved this tenderness - maybe because he had never received such affection at home and now needed twice as much to make up for that default. And Remus was simply brilliant at giving it to him.

"Remus?"

"Mm?"

"You'd better not fall in love with James."

Remus snorted. "Why should I?"

"Well, because you said he's so much like me and you said you liked him."

"Yeah, problem is, he doesn't like homosexuality and he loves Lily. S'no use falling in love with him."

"Glad to hear that."

Remus snuggled closer against Sirius but when Sirius had almost drifted off to sleep, another pressing question occurred to him.

"Remus?"

"Mm?"

"Why do you love me?"

"Dunno. T'is your kissing technique, I suppose."

"Good. I bet James isn't very good at kissing. He's never kissed anyone before 'cause he wants Lily to be the first one he ever kisses."

"That's sweet of him."

"Yeah…"

Comfortable silence fell between them again. Sirius could hear Remus' breathing slowing down when he felt that he had to say just one more thing.

"Remus?" he whispered.

"M'tired," came the muffled reply from under the blanket.

"Oh. Sorry."

And then they really fell asleep.

xxxxx

Lily Evans was at the end of her tether. The most arrogant, most complicated, most big-mouthed and most annoying student had returned to Hogwarts. Just when Sirius Black had realised that trying to cause the trouble for two people was extremely exhausting and had instead only done his share of pranks, Potter was back - that meant she had to deal with the double and their double trouble again.

The annoying girls in her dormitory kept giggling about how many more muscles Potter had gotten. How silly! Lily considered herself above such things. And frankly, she had not even realised he had more muscles. She was not really interested in muscles. _But if he achieved more brain cells, I might reconsider my opinion concerning him. _That was very unlikely, though. Quidditch was not a sport which furthered brain cells. In Lily's opinion, no sport whatsoever was good for your brain. She also considered herself above sports. Furthermore, she was convinced that the Quidditch Academy could only have increased Potter's already much too big ego. He certainly regarded himself as Hogwarts' celebrity now.

Lily might not be very observing when it came to muscles, but she definitely realised a change in Potter's appearance the next day. She already noticed it at breakfast although he was sitting far away from her. She also noticed it on the way to their first lesson, Potions. It almost looked as if he was slightly swaying. Was there something wrong with him?

Her curiosity was her downfall. She was so busy with watching James Potter and trying to decipher what was wrong with him that she somehow ended up sitting at a table with him, Chris McKinnon and Peter Pettigrew. She grew immediately suspicious. Why wasn't Potter sitting with his bosom buddy Black? Normally, they were inseparable and you should think that after not seeing each other for almost a year, they would have a lot to tell each other... What if Potter had planned all of this? Was this another prank of his? Brewing a potion together with James Potter was outright suicidal. She should move away. Now. But all the other places were already occupied and if she did not want to work alone, she would have to yield up to her fate. At least, she was quite good at Potions and thus could hopefully prevent whatever damage Potter might cause.

She was relieved when Professor Slughorn entered the classroom, otherwise the boys would probably have expected her to make conversation with them. Today they had to brew a Cleaning Potion which could remove even the most tenacious stains. Fortunately, the potion included almost no ingredients that could be used for something dangerous. Nonetheless,

Lily was on constant alert. You could never know. Potter might smuggle in something explosive. He was behaving suspiciously again. While copying what Professor Slughorn had written on the blackboard, Potter was pulling crazy faces the whole time: He was blinking rapidly, his nose scrunched up, his brow furrowed in concentration, his lips forming silent words, his eyes squinted... Lily's brow furrowed as well when she watched him grimacing non-stop. Had he gone mental at the Quidditch Academy among all the other Quidditch obsessed persons? Finally, Lily could not contain herself any longer.

"Problem, Potter?"

"Huh?" He tore his gaze from the blackboard and stared at her, blinking furiously all the time. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"Do you have a problem, Potter?" she repeated slowly and tried not to get too distracted by his odd glance. His eyes were unfocussed, almost as if he were drunk. "Do you need help?" Just why had she never realised how big and brightly hazel his eyes were?

"Yes, that would be nice," Potter replied, sounding genuinely grateful for her offer. Well, she had not really meant it _literally_. "Could you tell me the second word in the third line from the top?" He gestured at the blackboard. "I can't read it."

Lily looked briefly at the blackboard. "It's cockroach," she said curtly.

James chuckled. "Thanks." He grinned at her and she could not keep the corners of her lips from twitching up a little bit in return. He also looked different when he was smiling. At long last, it clicked with her. He did not wear his glasses. That was why he looked so different today. That was why he blinked non-stop and why he could not read what was written on the blackboard.

"Could you tell me the one but last word on the second line from the bottom, too?" Potter asked innocently. "The one before 'dragon'."

"What?" Lily impatiently looked up again. "It's 'chopped.' And it's not 'dragon' but 'daisies,' by the way."

"Oh. Well, chopped dragon would be pretty cool, don't you think?"

"No."

Chris McKinnon snickered while he ignited a fire under their cauldron. Pettigrew went to fetch some of the ingredients and Potter still squinted his eyes to read the last line on the blackboard.

"Why don't you wear your glasses?" Lily asked, immensely annoyed with Potter's behaviour.

"I lost them."

"When?"

"I forgot where I put them last night when I put them down."

"Well, you should probably search for them. If you can't even read what's on the blackboard."

"Yeah, I'm going to look for them but I couldn't skip Potions, could I?"

Lily just snorted. James Potter certainly was not known for being the studious, conscientious type of student. "The last line says, 'Steer clockwise until potion has reached 98,7°,'" Lily remarked when she saw Potter's hopeless attempts at checking every single letter on the blackboard.

"Thanks." Potter gave her another glasses-less smile and Lily blushed slightly, for which she thoroughly hated herself. There was no reason to blush when James Potter smiled at her. She was _not_ one of the oh-did-you-see-him-after-Quidditch-training-when-his-shirt-was-all-sweaty-and-stuck-to-his-body sort of girls. She did _not_ feel honoured because the great Quidditch star James Potter, who had been so humble to return to this little school, acknowledged her. She considered herself above such things.

She had to admit, though, that she was pleasantly surprised how well the lesson turned out. Potter did not cause any trouble at all. He was not much help in brewing the potion either because of his limited eyesight but Lily thought she rather liked this somewhat helpless version of the thick-headed troublemaker. There was something cute about him blinking all the time and staring into the world like a baby owl - _Wait a moment! I did __**not**__ just refer to James Potter as 'cute,' did I?!_ Lily asked herself, feeling even embarrassed for such thoughts. But he _had_ been bearable today, she tried to rationalise such unwanted feelings. He had even offered to clean up afterwards because, as he said, he had not been able to help them much to brew the potion. And he was pretty good at Cleaning Charms, Lily had observed. She had not expected that from a boy like Potter. She had expected him to consider himself above household charms.

xxxxx

James was on cloud nine. Lily Evans had acknowledged him, and more than that: She had helped him in Potions and asked worriedly what had been wrong with him. _She was worried about me! She was worried about me, she was worried about me, she..._ Maybe it had really been the glasses' fault. Maybe Sirius had been right and he looked ugly with glasses. Nonetheless, it was quite exhausting without his glasses. His eyes already hurt from the many blinking and strained focussing, and it was frustrating not to be able to fully see everything going on around him. That was why Snivellus had managed to hit him with a curse. And that was the only reason why the curse that James had fired back at him had missed him so far that Peter had thought _he_ had been the target.

By now, the whole school was probably looking for his glasses because he had told everyone he had lost them. No one was going to find them - because they were safely placed on James' bedside locker, where they always were. That's what James thought, until he came back to his dormitory after dinner to put his glasses back on. He needed them for his homework. McGonagall was not going to be pleased if already his first assignment since he had come back to Hogwarts, was messy. At first, James thought that his exhausted eyes played a trick on him when he could not see his glasses anywhere. Frantically, he started rummaging the drawers of his bedside locker, his trunk, his school bag... His parents were going to kill him if he already needed new glasses _again_.

"Guess what? I found your glasses."

James turned around to see Sirius standing behind him with something that proved to be (after several blinks) James' glasses dangling in his hand. After several more blinks, James could also recognise Sirius grinning that familiar grin at him. James grinned simply back and that was it. They never held grudges against each other for a long time. They never made long apologies but just simply went back to normal after their fights. There had never been a fight which had really threatened their friendship, and James doubted anything could ever come between their friendship, not even Sirius' odd poofy behaviour.

"Thanks," James said and seized the offered glasses. He quickly placed them on his nose again and sighed in relief. "Merlin, I never knew how much these glasses meant to me. I don't think I can live without them."

"Yeah, you'd better not lose them again," Sirius quipped, "'cause you look even more ridiculous without your glasses than with them."

James threw Sirius a withering look but then he could not refrain from chuckling anymore. "You've grown even taller than last time I saw you."

"And your hair has gotten even messier," Sirius retorted, scrutinising James from head to toe, too, and then ran his hand slowly through his own, always elegantly falling hair.

"Arrogant brat."

"Homophobic idiot."

"Listen, I don't have a problem with you being gay," James conceded generously. "As long as you don't snog him in front of me."

A slight frown appeared on Sirius' forehead, a sure sign that he was thinking very hard about something. When he had obviously reached a conclusion, he walked out of the door and shouted down into the common room, "Remus! Could you come over for a minute?"

A few moments later, Lupin arrived in the dormitory. James measured him in a not very friendly way. He felt annoyed by the little ink stain on Lupin's nose and even more by the fact that Lupin came as soon as Sirius called him.

"We need to discuss something with James here," Sirius explained to him.

"Okay, what is it?" Lupin asked and gave James a friendly smile. James gritted his teeth in response.

"He says he has problems with us snogging in front of him." Sirius looked accusingly at James.

Lupin had the decency to blush slightly. "Well, in that case, we can, of course --"

But he never came to finish his sentence because Sirius abruptly pulled him close and kissed him hard on the lips. James flinched. And no, it was not even a chaste, brief kiss but Sirius extended it into a snogging session with tongues and slurping and groping. James watched them with a morbid sort of fascination.

"You can stop now," he shouted finally, "I got it!"

Sirius finally let go off Lupin, who looked positively flustered. Sirius' face, however, had reddened, too, but he wore that defiant look, which, as James imagined, he had always given his parents in all the fights they had had.

"Fine, alright, I have now seen two blokes snogging," James said, and his face felt really heated, too. "No need to repeat it. I think I might be scarred for life. I should have left my glasses down, then I would at least have been spared the details."

"For heaven's sake, James!" Sirius said exasperatedly. "You never had a problem with me snogging girls."

"Yeah, because they were _girls_," James replied indignantly.

"Oh, the logic in it," Sirius said sourly. "Did you know that boys have lips and a tongue, too, and just as many teeth as girls?"

"Very well then, go on and snog each other, I don't care," James huffed. "I've given up on you."

"Thank you very much. I knew you were a great and understanding friend," Sirius taunted.

"Okay, is the _discussion_ over now?" Lupin unexpectedly spoke up. "Because then I'd like to finish my runes translation. Lily is going to kill me if I haven't finished my part of the translation by tomorrow."

"Lily?" James said incredulously. "Like in _Lily Evans_?"

"Yes."

James was so excited that he did not even pay much notice to the knowing glance Sirius and Lupin exchanged, and get annoyed by it. "What have you got to do with her?" he asked suspiciously. "I thought you were gay?"

"That doesn't necessarily prevent me from working together with girls, does it?" Lupin said dryly. Then he smiled slightly. "Don't worry, Lily and I get along fine but that's about it."

That was the final straw for James. Lupin got along fine with Lily?! Oh, why was life so unfair to him! Not only did Lupin corrupt James' best friend but he also worked together with Lily Evans although he was gay and therefore certainly not interested in her. But James, who was in _love_ with her, could be lucky if she talked one minute to him without insulting him.

"Oh, by the way," Sirius added, "Evans has absolutely no problems with homosexuality."

James glared at him. "So what has this got to do with everything?"

Sirius smirked superiorly. "Oh, no idea. I reckon she doesn't like prejudiced guys but, well…"

In the meantime, Lupin had left the dormitory to continue working on his runes translation.

"Don't worry," Sirius said now, "they really don't have any romantic relationship. I wouldn't allow that. Ha, guess we're on the same side concerning that."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," James ground out.

Grinning widely, Sirius flopped down on James' bed and let himself fall back on his back. "Of course, I forgot: James Potter is _not_ madly in love with Lily Evans. Met anyone at the Academy?"

"Obviously," James said sourly, dropped down next to Sirius on the bed and nudged him in the ribs to make place for him. "There were other students, you know?"

"What a surprise. Well, did you meet a _girl_ then?" Sirius specified.

"Yes. Several."

"A girl you liked?"

"Yes."

"A girl you snogged?"

"No."

"Must've been boring then."

"Yes."

"I've been thinking of a new prank on Snivellus."

"Ah?"

"You know he hates flying, right? So I thought we could use a Permanent Sticking Charm to glue him to a broomstick."

All James' short-spoken-ness was gone immediately. He sat up excitedly and joined the planning of the prank at once. "That's brilliant, mate! Merlin's Beard, imagine his face. Ha, I bet there's lots of snot dripping out of it because of his shock!"

"We should advise people to bring umbrellas." The two boys erupted into barking laughter.

"But how're we going to make sure he'll stay in the air?" James said thoughtfully once they had relatively calmed down. "I mean, just because we use a Permanent Sticking Charm, it doesn't necessarily mean he'll really fly, right? He could just run around with the broomstick between his legs - which would be quite comical, too, but not as great as seeing him flying against his will."

"M-hm. Maybe we could use some more complex Levitation Charm --"

"Yeah, we have to manipulate the broomstick so it stays in the air -- but he should still be able to steer it because he's so bad at it --"

"I think Flitwick once mentioned a charm like that. It could be the same he uses on the floating candles in the Great Hall."

"Yes, that should work!" James said enthusiastically. "Come on, let's look it up in the library!"

When the two long-time best friends hurried together to the library in anticipation of another great prank in their Marauder-history, James thought that maybe Sirius had not changed that much apart from the fact that he now kissed boys instead of girls. Maybe that was not such a big deal as long as they could still joke together and play pranks as always.


	4. Why Do You Love Him?

**Chapter 4**

**Why Do You Love Him?**

"He really loves him, doesn't he?" James said quietly. He was in a slightly melancholic mood although he was playing such an action-packed game like Exploding Snap with Peter, Chris and Alex.

"Who loves who?" Chris said distractedly while causing the pack of cards to explode when it was James' turn.

"James!" Alex exclaimed in exasperation. "You lost _again_! Do you want to play or not?!"

"Sirius, I mean," James clarified sadly without taking his eyes from the two figures reading together on Sirius' bed. "He even _reads_ with him to make him happy."

"From what it looks like, Sirius really enjoys reading," Peter said, dealing the cards anew.

"Nonsense, he doesn't enjoy the _reading_," Alex said. "He only reads with him because it gives him the perfect opportunity to grope Lupin."

"But why Lupin, though?" James muttered, deep in thought.

"Because he loves him?" Peter suggested.

"Yes! But why! Why does he love him? Why does he want to grope him? I mean, it's not like Lupin's good-looking or anything." _What's so special about Lupin that Sirius rather wants to read with him than playing Exploding Snap with us?_

"He's just nice," Peter said, shrugged and nudged James in the ribs because it was his turn in their game. Bored, James took the cards and mixed them.

"But being nice is not a reason to fall in love with someone," he said sullenly.

"Could you finally deal the cards?" Chris complained. "Forget them. Sirius has totally lost it since he's been dating Lupin. If you ask me, he only chose Lupin because, well, do you see any other gay guys at our school?"

"Why, are there other gay people at Hogwarts?" Peter asked curiously.

"Of course not," Chris said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"How can you be sure?" Alex said. "Maybe they just haven't come out yet?"

"Oh yes, sure, Hogwarts is full of gay people," James said morosely. "Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised anymore if, tomorrow at breakfast, Dumbledore climbed on the teacher's table and declared he's gay."

The others snickered loudly. "I always thought Filch was gay," Peter said thoughtfully. "Has anyone ever seen him with a girl?"

"Obviously not," Chris said. "Who would want to date him? Whether Filch is gay or not doesn't make much of a difference - no one would ever want to be with him anyway."

"Filch is in love with his cat," Alex argued. "It's so obvious, don't you see all the secret looks they share and how they touch each other in all the improper places?"

"Urgh." Chris pulled a face. "That's sick, Alex."

"And then, Voldemort decides to come out of the closet, too," James expanded the tale, "because he thinks people will be even more scared of him if he's gay."

"Will you come off it!" Chris said, suddenly angry now and not in a joking mood anymore. "Please stop with your sick fantasies and _don't say his name_!"

After that, none of them felt like continuing to play Exploding Snap anymore.

-------

The next day found James in the library. That in itself was unusual enough. Everyone who had heard that James Potter was in the library _not _to check on nasty hexes for Slytherins but _working for school_ there, would have certainly advised you to be very careful because surely James Potter was planning something. The truth was, James was really trying to work for school. He was so utterly bored that he could not think of a better thing to do. Besides, he really needed to catch up with stuff if he did not want to annoy McGonagall. He did not put it past her to make him repeat the sixth class.

Sighing deeply, James skimmed through another utterly boring book to look up the different types of vampires.

"Hello. Do you mind if I sit down here?"

Grateful for the distraction, James looked up to see Lupin, who was carrying two thick books, standing in front of him. _Oh, wow,_ James thought sarcastically, _he can even move on his own without Sirius being there all the time._

"Where's Sirius?" he voiced his thoughts.

"He has Muggle Studies now," Lupin explained, sat down at the table and spread his books, quill and parchment.

James frowned. He had not even given Lupin permission to sit here yet. "How do you get through this hard time? Do you write each other love letters?"

Lupin grinned wryly. "Telepathy."

James almost gaped in shock but just in time he realised that Lupin was joking. "Very funny," he said sourly.

Lupin bit his lip in uncertainty and tried to be very busy with his schoolwork. He was different without Sirius being there, James observed. When Lupin was together with Sirius, he behaved in a confident, relaxed way; but on his own, he seemed strained, always trying so hard to please.

Upon realising that James was watching him, Lupin looked up from his book again, smiled briefly and said, "So what are you reading? Ah, _Bloodsuckers Worldwide_, that's for Defence Against the Dark Arts, isn't it? That's quite a good book."

"It's the most boring thing I've ever read," James contradicted him.

"Yes, but it is… informative. All the information is correct and --"

"It's still boring."

"Yes, I guess. You have a lot to catch up with, don't you?" Lupin tried to sound sympathetic.

"Yes, just imagine."

"I could give you the notes I took in class, then you don't have to look everything up," Lupin offered. "I suppose Sirius' notes aren't always such great help." He grinned knowingly at James as if it was some sort of private joke. As if _he_ knew Sirius just as well as James did. It annoyed James even more. Lupin did not have the right to speak about Sirius like that.

"Sirius' notes are perfectly okay, thank you very much," James said coldly.

"Oh, right." Lupin smiled one of his infuriating smiles again. "Just, if you need help, you can borrow my notes."

"Didn't I make myself very plain that I don't want your help?" James snapped at him.

Lupin flinched slightly and quickly pretended to be reading hard again. James observed him a few more minutes and then decided it was time to focus on Arctic Vampires again. He had to admit the prospect of borrowing Lupin's or someone else's notes instead of reading these tedious books was very inviting. As much as he hated to acknowledge it, neither Sirius' nor Peter's notes were much help. Lupin's notes, however, would certainly be helpful because Lupin was... a _nerd_. James was glad he had found another reason for disliking Lupin. Naturally, James would not ask him for help. He was definitely _not_ dependent on a nerdy, gay werewolf.

About one hour later, Lupin left the library. Probably because Muggle Studies was over now and the two love-struck boys needed to celebrate their reunion. But when, half an hour later, James went back into the Gryffindor common room, he found Sirius sitting alone on a window sill, staring outside with a sullen expression.

"Hey," James addressed him. "Could you lend me all the notes you took last year?"

"Sure." Sirius slid down from the window sill and went into the dormitory to search for his notes. James followed him.

"Where's Lupin, by the way?" he asked casually. Had the werewolf dumped Sirius and that was the reason for Sirius' bad mood?

"Full moon," Sirius mumbled and handed James several tattered pieces of parchment.

"Oh. So where's he now? In the Forbidden Forest?"

"Nonsense. Too dangerous. Dumbledore has a shack built for him where he can transform safely without endangering anyone." Sirius dived under his bed to look for more notes in his trunk.

James examined the parchments Sirius had given him so far. "Er, Sirius, you gave me some notes from Muggle Studies - I don't take that subject, remember? And here are some notes from fifth year. And this… this is a letter from your cousin Andromeda."

"Yeah, you know I don't arrange my notes." A thoroughly dusty Sirius arrived from under the bed with another stack of parchment. "Here, I don't know what's useful of all this rubbish…"

James sighed. Finding what he needed in Sirius' more than a little chaotic notes seemed almost more complicated than looking things up in the library.

"It's not complete, of course," Sirius said unperturbedly. "I don't think I ever took notes in Defence Against the Dark Arts or Herbology. Why don't you ask Remus for his notes? He's much more neat with that kind of things."

"He's a nerd."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I wish you'd at least make an effort to get to know him. And I'm sure his notes will be really helpful."

"I just don't get it!" James burst out. He had to ask it now, he needed to understand. "Why him? Why him of all people?"

"What do you mean, _why him_?" Sirius asked in confusion.

"Why do you love him?"

"Oh. Dunno. He's really nice and we became good friends and, well, being with him feels… nice."

"That's not a good reason," James protested. "You could have simply stayed normal friends. Why -? I mean, he's not even good-looking!"

Sirius frowned slightly. "That's not really surprising coming from you. I know you think everyone who's not Evans can't be good-looking."

James' eyes almost popped out of his head. "What the -- See, I'm not saying this because he's a boy. You, for example, are quite good-looking. For a boy, I mean. That doesn't mean I'm interested in you or something like that, of course, I would never -- And he's just normal, boring-looking, nothing special at all."

"He's _not_ normal," Sirius argued. "I think he's very special and maybe you simply haven't looked closely enough."

"Merlin's pants, you really are blinded by love. Don't you see he's just a boring nerd? He's not like a Marauder at all. He just always tries to behave very nicely and never contradicts anyone and is always polite and he studies hard and takes proper notes and all the teachers like him because he's so well-behaved --"

"Well, tell me a teacher who doesn't like Lily Evans," Sirius said superiorly.

James felt completely caught off-guard. "What has Evans got to do with this?" he said defensively.

"Oh, no idea -- Why are you in love with Evans?" Sirius mimicked him. "She's so boring and rule-abiding, she studies hard - that makes her practically a nerd, and she doesn't play pranks but is always helpful, and, worst of all, she's a _prefect_." He smirked knowingly at James.

"_But_ she's good-looking." James helplessly tried to come up with more reasons why Lily was so much more worthy to fall in love with than Lupin. "And she fights back if you confront her. Lupin just backs down. He's a weakling but Lily's a fighter."

Meanwhile, the smirk had vanished from Sirius' face. He glared coldly at James. "Have you any idea why he doesn't pick fights? You know what would happen if _he_ fought back and hexed you or even only insulted you? There would immediately be people who'd say, _'Ah, he's aggressive because he's a werewolf, so we'd better lock him away from other humans_.' He can't just attack someone for the fun of it."

"I… I thought no one knew he was a werewolf," James said feebly, feeling much more guilty than he wanted to.

"Well, the Werewolf Registry does. Maybe they're keeping an eye on him. You can never know. Some healers from St. Mungo's know, too. Maybe they informed the Ministry."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I called him a weakling," James said awkwardly. "I didn't know that. But you can't deny that Lupin is a nerd."

"Why can't you simply call him 'Remus'?" Sirius asked, still a bit annoyed with James but not as angry anymore as before.

"Come on, don't read into anything I say or do that I hate him. Why can't I call him 'Lupin'? I call Evans by her last name, too, and you never complained about that."

"Hm, should I be worried now because you only call the people you love by their last name?"

"That was a low shot, Black!" James protested and aimed a hex at Sirius, which the latter ducked easily. _I'm really out of practice_, James concluded when he found himself hanging upside-down in the air half a second later.

-------

James did not know why he had let Sirius convince him to visit Lupin in the hospital wing after the full moon. He had no idea why he was sitting here to watch Sirius and Peter mother a thoroughly exhausted-looking Lupin. James had not said a word so far and stared sullenly at the bloody wrapping around Lupin's left wrist and Sirius' fingers curled loosely around it.

Peter and Sirius were babbling all kind of nonsense. They told Lupin everything that had happened while he had not been there - and they really told him _everything_. Did they really think Lupin was interested in scrambled eggs in Hagrid's beard or Peter's broken quill in Transfiguration? James felt more and more tired by such unimportant talk (although Sirius and Peter tried their best to exaggerate so everything sounded extremely funny). Judging by Lupin's eyelids that fell shut again and again, he was equally affected like James by it.

"Would you like something to drink?" Sirius asked and offered Lupin the glass of water which stood on his bedside table.

"We also brought you strawberry toffee," Peter said, "the sort you liked so much - from Honeydukes."

Lupin smiled weakly. "Thanks a lot," he said in a hoarse voice. "But you don't have to get me sweets every month."

"It's the least we can do," Sirius said softly, lifted Lupin's injured hand to his lips and placed a light kiss on it.

James grimaced. _If you continue like this, I'm going to puke and then I can keep Lupin company here._

"Here's the essay for Charms." Peter pulled a parchment out of his bag and placed it next to the sweets on the bedside table. "You probably want to read it again and check if it's okay. We also brought you the book from the library which we used to write the essay, in case you want to check it, too." And another book appeared on the growing pile on the table.

James shook his head. "Guys, why don't you let the poor boy sleep for an hour?" he finally spoke up. "Mind you, he really looks like he could use it." Lupin gave him a tired but earnest smile. James scowled back at him.

"Are you tired, Remus?" Sirius asked immediately, sounding a lot like James' mother when he had fallen from his broomstick once again. "Do you want us to leave you alone so you can rest?"

"I guess I could use some sleep. Besides, Madam Pomfrey is going to throw you out of here in a minute anyway."

"Okay." Sirius examined him critically. "Is there anything else you need? Are you hungry? And if one of your wounds is infected, tell Madam Pomfrey at once, okay? And --"

"Merlin, Sirius!" James groaned. "I wonder how he's going to survive the holidays without you being there."

Sirius grinned widely. "No need to worry. I'm going to spend the holidays at Remus' place. His parents have allowed me to stay with them."

"What?!" Without realising what he was doing, James had jumped up from his chair. "But you said - we always said you'd spend the holidays at my place!"

"But I already promised Remus a few weeks ago --"

"But you promised me already several months ago!" James protested furiously. "You can't just change your mind like that! I've already planned so many things we could do during the holidays!"

"You don't have to --" Lupin tried to intervene but his voice was still too hoarse and weak to be heard among James' and Sirius' loud voices.

"What kind of a lousy friend are you?" James angrily accused Sirius. "Now you've fallen in love, you have completely forgotten everyone else! It's only ever _Remus_, _Remus_, _Remus_. But your friends have become totally unimportant to you."

"That's not true, James!" Sirius protested, just as angry. "Besides, Remus is my friend, too!"

"I wonder why you told me all those lies in your letters," James said, feeling thoroughly downcast and betrayed. "You never told me you were gay and then you asked if you could spend the holidays at my place. Tell me, why did you say it? Did you hope I would stay at the Academy so you could spend the holidays with him? Did you just say it to keep me happy and unsuspecting of your gayness? You know what? I've got enough of this dragonshit." Turning on his heels, he left the hospital wing in a hurry. It was so unfair, so _unfair_! Oh, how now he wished he had stayed at the Quidditch Academy! Then he would have stayed oblivious to all this _dragonshit_.

As he met no Slytherins to hex and release his anger, he decided to take out his broomstick and fly again. But flying without team-mates and opponents became boring after some time. Afterwards, he went into the library to look for something to make Lupin's werewolf transformations less painful. He saw relatively quickly that finding a solution was not going to be very easy. Nevertheless, he _had_ to do it to prove Sirius, who thought it was impossible, wrong.

He was glad Lupin spent the rest of the day in the hospital wing. Though Sirius and James did not talk much, it was better if Sirius sent him angry glares. Being glared at was better than having to witness all the loving looks Sirius sent his lover. Trying to play peacemaker, Peter suggested they all go to Diagon Alley together in the holidays. James simply ignored that suggestion. They had always gone there together to buy their school supplies. James did not want to see Sirius for only _one_ day during the whole holidays. Besides, he already had the disturbing mental image of Sirius and Lupin walking down Diagon Alley holding hands and sharing a cone.

"Remus said I could maybe spend one month at his place and the other month at yours," Sirius finally said.

"Tell me, if Lupin suggested you jump down the Astronomy Tower, would you do it?" James said moodily.

"I'd definitely make sure to take you down with me and rid the world of your thick head," Sirius retorted.

"Ouch." Then the three of them burst into loud laughter, and maybe Lupin's suggestion was not that bad after all.

"I have a new plan what we should do," James said excitedly. "You know, yesterday I took the wrong staircase on my way to Potions. Suddenly I was in front of the Owlery and so I thought, '_You need a map of Hogwarts_.' And you know who will create said map?"

"But it's said to be impossible to draw a map of Hogwarts," Peter objected.

"Aaaaah, but it's not impossible for _Marauders_," James said, grinning widely.

"And what about the moving staircases?" Peter asked.

"Well, we'll have to sort of record their presence on the map so it always shows where they are."

"That's a good idea," Sirius said thoughtfully, "but how does it work?"

"Uh, well, I haven't figured that out yet," James admitted.

Sirius chuckled. "You really thought it through, didn't you? But, hey, the idea is good. And, James," he added as an afterthought, "I promised Remus to come with him because his parents don't know yet that he's gay and I said we should go there together and tell them."

"Wait a moment, the whole school knows he's gay but his parents don't know?" James said incredulously.

"Yeah…" Sirius gave him a sheepish look. "They don't know for the same reason that you didn't know."

"Ah. And that reason is -?"

"The reason is that it's not nice if people who are your best friends or your parents hate you if they find out about it."

"Oh, come on, I never said I hated you because of it," James said embarrassedly. .

"Well, it's bad enough if they're disgusted."

"So what are you gonna do if Lupin's parents are not happy with it? Hex them?"

Sirius grinned. "Probably."

-------

The remaining days before the holidays were not the best James had ever had at Hogwarts. He did not spend much time with Sirius, Peter and Lupin. Sure, they always asked him to come along but he often declined because he felt like the odd one out. So he spent more time with Chris and Alex and other boys - people with whom you could wonderfully slag Lupin off. It was refreshing to have people around you who laughed about the special names James had come up with for Lupin: Loopy Lupin, Loony Lupin, Moony Lupin, Morony Lupin, Poofy Lupin, Goofy Lupin... The list went on and on. James was very creative with names.

Lupin obviously was not very popular among his classmates, especially among the older boys. Most of the younger students (girls in particular) thought he was so nice and helpful. But many boys from the older classes did not like Lupin because he was gay, he was a nerd, he was well-behaved, the teachers liked him and he did not wear the clothes you had to wear nowadays. Five very good reasons to dislike someone and to run someone down.

At first, James had been relieved that someone shared his dislike for Lupin but then, more and more often, he felt guilty for talking that badly about Lupin. He could not help but remember the pale person in the hospital wing who had given him a weak smile - despite everything. Despite the thick bandages all over his body and the blood clotted in his hair, and despite James' rather unfriendly attitude towards him. Sometimes it was hard to hate Lupin.

-------

The journey with the Hogwarts Express was better than Sirius had expected. He had been worried James would sulk because Sirius was going to spend the first month at Remus' place but James was unusually good-natured. Probably because he and Sirius had won ten games of Exploding Snap in a row against Remus and Peter.

"Oh, I'm giving up," Remus said dramatically when once more the stack of cards had exploded right into his face. Sirius would have liked to ruffle Remus' hair, which was thoroughly disheveled by the explosion, but he restrained himself for James' sake.

"You can't give up," Peter pleaded with Remus, "there's no way I can win against them on my own."

"We can't win against them either if we play together," Remus objected and slumped back in his seat.

"Come on, we've only just begun," Sirius tried to convince him.

"Only just begun? We've been playing this game for almost three hours now."

"I thought werewolves had more stamina than that," James said.

_Idiot_, Sirius thought angrily. _Did you have to kill the_ _good mood?!_ He was just about to rant at James when Remus said completely unperturbedly, "Only if they're fed regularly." Thunderstruck, Sirius gaped at Remus. Normally, Remus felt quickly offended if someone addressed his lycanthropy but now his eyes were sparkling mischievously.

"Ah, now I see the werewolf in you," James joked back. "You try to blackmail us, don't you? Either chocolate or you don't play with us anymore?"

"False," Remus replied. "Either chocolate or your _blood_."

"If you try to bite me, I'm going to throw Sickles at you," James said in a mock-threatening voice.

"Oh Merlin, now I'm afraid." Remus cowered in his seat.

James slightly nudged a still stunned Sirius in the ribs. "What's wrong with you? I'm surprised you haven't run yet to comfort the little wolf."

Sirius did not need to be told twice. He almost jumped at Remus and tried to kiss and tickle him at the same time. That was probably why neither of it really worked. Furthermore, Remus was writhing so much to avoid Sirius' clutches that they almost landed in Peter's lap. The latter did not seem too happy with that situation.

"Hey, okay guys, stop it!" James shouted. "I didn't mean it literally -- Okay, okay, a chocolate frog for everyone if you stop. _Now_!"

Finally, Sirius released Remus. Grinning broadly, Remus accepted the chocolate frog from James and shoved Sirius out of his lap. "Alright then. One more game. But only _one more game_."

"Yes," James cheered. "And you know what? You're going to lose that one, too."

"Merlin's Beard." Peter rolled his eyes and tried to nick another chocolate frog from James. "They should write a warning on the packet of Exploding Snap: _Playing this game for a very long time may cause hopelessly silly behaviour_."

He was probably right with his observation. And, of course, they played longer than only one more game. Thus, all four boys were thoroughly exhausted when they arrived at King's Cross at long last. The usual chaos of telling your friends goodbye, shoving other people out of the way to look for your parents and searching for anything you had forgotten in the train (or more likely in Hogwarts) followed.

"That's my Dad over there," Remus said excitedly, stood on tiptoes and waved enthusiastically over the heads of the crowd. It did not have the desired effect, however, because practically everyone else did that as well.

Sirius followed Remus through the throng of people until finally Mr. Lupin noticed them. A wide beam lit his face and in no time at all, he had moved through the crowd and embraced Remus in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hey, how was your first Hogwarts year?"

"Great," Remus replied and he was beaming, too, when his father finally released his tight hold on him. "Why did you never tell me about all the secret passageways?"

"But I told you about the one behind the portrait of Gina the Gorgeous."

"Come on, Dad, _everyone_ knows that passageway. You can't really call it _secret_."

"Well, it was still a secret during my time at Hogwarts," Mr. Lupin said in amusement. It probably really had been a long time that Remus' father had gone to Hogwarts. His hair was already almost completely grey and there were bags under his eyes. He then turned to Sirius to address him. "Hello. You are Sirius Black?"

"Yes, Mr. Lupin. I'm pleased to meet you," Sirius said politely and they shook hands.

"Well, let's go then. Your mother has already cooked something delicious."

"Great. What?" Remus asked in anticipation.

"Your favourite meal, I'm sure," Mr. Lupin said and his eyes were twinkling.

"Cauldron lasagna?"

"Maybe."

As Sirius and Remus had learned how to apparate lately, they were in front of the Lupin's house half a second later. Remus had already told him they lived quite secluded, so Sirius was not too surprised when there was nothing but vast and empty moorland around the little house.

"We like to live in the nature," Mr. Lupin explained to Sirius. "It's wonderfully quiet here and you don't have to be so cautious with your magic because there are no Muggles around to witness anything."

"That's true," Sirius said noncommittally although he was sure living here would be too boring to him.

"The next village is behind that hill over there," Mr. Lupin explained. "It's near enough to walk there by foot if you want to buy something. Only Muggles live there."

"I see." Sirius felt a bit unsure. He did not know what he was expected to say. "It's lovely here."

"Yes, isn't it?" Mr. Lupin smiled gratefully at him and Sirius smiled awkwardly back.

When they entered the house, they were met by a delicious smell of food that made Sirius realise just how hungry he was. They had eaten nothing but huge amounts of chocolate frogs, licorice wands and sugar quills during the journey, and now he needed a real meal.

"Mum, I'm back!" Remus shouted through the whole house, put down his trunk and walked to the kitchen (Well, Sirius reckoned it was the kitchen because that was where the delicious smell came from).

A woman, whose face was reddened from cooking, appeared in the doorway, and she smiled widely, too. Sirius immediately recognised the smile as the same one Remus used. Normally, Sirius did not like it if people always compared children to their parents but that did not stop him from doing it himself. Again, Remus was hugged tightly and Sirius already felt a little pang of jealousy because he was never welcomed that warmly by his parents.

"My, you've grown, little one," Mrs. Lupin told Remus with tears in her eyes, when she had taken a step back to examine him. Calling him 'little one' was not really justified as he was even a little bit taller than her. "You look good," she said adoringly and ruffled his hair. "-- but what happened to your hair?"

Remus chuckled merrily. "We played Exploding Snap in the Hogwarts Express."

"But you didn't use a set with _real_ explosions, did you?" she asked, alarmed.

"There were real explosions but hardly any fire," Remus tried to quickly reassure her.

"Hardly any fire?" Mrs. Lupin gave her son a very reproachful glance. "So you mean to say there _was_ fire?"

"Only a little bit, Mum, just a few sparks," Remus tried to pacify her. "Come on, it was not dangerous at all. Everyone plays Exploding Snap with real explosions. Otherwise it's boring."

"Really?" Mrs. Lupin's gaze wandered from Remus to Sirius. "Then why isn't Sirius' hair singed?"

"Cause he's better at it than me," Remus said cheerfully. "I'm a complete loser at Exploding Snap."

"Then I'd prefer it if you didn't play it," Mrs. Lupin sighed. She turned to Sirius then. "Hello Sirius. How are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he replied politely and smiled at her. "It's so nice of you to allow me to stay here."

"You're welcome," she replied and gave him a strained smile.

_She doesn't like me_, Sirius thought immediately. Awkwardly, he pulled the presents he had bought for Remus' parents out of his trunk. "Here, I wanted to give this to you as a little thank you," he said and offered a lantern with fairy lights to Mrs. Lupin and a box of Honeydukes' best chocolate and a bottle of elven wine to Mr. Lupin.

"Oh, that's lovely of you," Mrs. Lupin said delightedly but still with the strained smile and voice. "You shouldn't have bought us anything."

"Well, if I couldn't stay here, I'd have to pay for a stay in a hotel, so I'm really grateful you have a room for me here."

"Remus, why don't you show Sirius the guestroom?" Mr. Lupin suggested. "It's a rather small room but I hope it's okay. If there's anything else you need, just tell us."

"Okay, thank you," Sirius said and quickly followed Remus upstairs.

The guestroom was indeed very small but it was enough. What more did you need but a bed, a wardrobe and a little table? Naturally, Sirius would have preferred to share one room with Remus but he certainly would not complain. It was good enough to spend the holidays here. You couldn't have everything. After Remus had shown him the rest of the house and they had both changed their clothes, which were sweaty from the long journey, (and Remus had straightened his hair out), they went down for dinner. The cauldron lasagna was really delicious but in spite of all the Lupins' efforts to give Sirius a warm welcome, there was still a somewhat strained atmosphere.

"So how were your exams?" Mr. Lupin asked Remus.

"Okay, I think," Remus said between mouthfuls of cauldron lasagna. "I think I passed most subjects but I'm not so sure about Transfiguration, though. That was pretty tough. And Potions. That was a disaster. My cauldron shrank and all the liquid poured out of it. But at least I could answer all the questions. Still, I suppose I failed that one."

"How was Charms?"

"Charms was alright. Naturally not an Outstanding but I'm pretty sure I passed. Sirius practised a lot with me. Fortunately, he's brilliant at Charms."

As Remus had not been allowed to come to Hogwarts until last year, he had not had much experience with actually performing magic. Fortunately, he was quite talented and had read a lot, and Sirius had tried to teach him dozens of spells in a few weeks, so Remus had finally caught up with the other students.

"That's nice of you," Mrs. Lupin told Sirius with another slightly forced smile. "You seem to be really good friends, aren't you?"

"Yes, we are." Sirius gave Remus a meaningful glance. _Perfect introduction to address the issue._ But Remus almost imperceptibly shook his head.

Finally, Mr. Lupin broke the awkward pause. "How about your exams, Sirius? Everything alright, too?"

Sirius smiled nervously and picked at his food. "Yes. I'm sure I failed Herbology but apart from that, everything was fine."

"That's wonderful. Well, congratulations, boys." Mr. Lupin raised his glass of butterbeer. "To a successful year."

The rest of the dinner passed much like that: Remus' parents besieged their son with questions about his first year at Hogwarts nonstop so he hardly found time to eat. Sometimes they would try to include Sirius in the conversation by asking him rather artificial questions, which he answered politely. But most of the time Sirius ate in silence, blocked out the voices of the Lupin family and compared Remus' appearance to that of his parents. He definitely had got the curve of his lips from his mother, the short teeth with one of his incisors slightly crooked from his father, the nose with the tiny dent in the middle from his mother and the little crease that sometimes appeared on his forehead resembled of his father. Unlike Remus, who was rather thin, his parents were a chubby, especially Mr. Lupin, who had a butterbeer belly. They were not as pale as Remus either. And, of course, they did not have scars.

"Hey, Sirius."

Sirius jerked out of his musings and looked up to see Remus smiling warmly at him and nodding in the direction of his mother.

"Uh, sorry, I'm a bit tired," Sirius told her. "Did you ask me anything?"

She smiled at him, too, and again Sirius was amazed how much her smile was like Remus'. But there was one profound difference: Mrs. Lupin's smile lacked the warmth with which Remus regarded him.

"Well, that already answered my question," she said. "I was asking if you were tired from the journey and maybe wanted to go to bed now. I suppose it was a bit inconsiderate of us to ask you questions all the time. But you have to understand that we're so curious about everything that happened when our son was away for the first time. That's what parents are like."

Sirius gave her a strained smile in return. _I wish... What a stupid statement: 'That's what parents are like.' Psh, I guess my parents don't fall into the category 'parents' then._ "Yes, it's been a long journey," he said noncommittally.

"Then you should really go to bed now so you're well-rested for the holidays," Mr. Lupin said amicably.

Sirius nodded and Remus simply answered with a yawn. After some warm and polite goodnight wishes for Remus and Sirius respectively, the two boys went upstairs into their sleeping rooms. Sirius needed a long, long time to find his toothbrush, toothpaste, towels and pyjamas in the mess in his trunk. Actually, he could not find his pyjama pants. _James, you idiot! Do you always have to take my things?_ Tiredly, Sirius padded into the bathroom, where Remus was already brushing his teeth.

"Remus? Do you think you could lend me some of your pyjama pants? James must've taken mine with him."

Remus gave him a goofy toothpaste-grin in the bathroom mirror. "Don't you think it's more likely that you forgot them in the chaotic process you called 'packing'?"

Sirius just harrumphed. Did Remus really have to tease him when he was this tired? "Can you lend me some of your pyjamas?" he asked again.

"Sure."

Sirius followed Remus into his room. Curiously, he took a look around while Remus rummaged in his wardrobe to look for sleeping pants which would fit Sirius. The room was cozy and looked well lived-in. There were several shelves stuffed with things - mostly books - and many posters (both muggle and wizard posters) decorated the walls. There was also something which looked like a musical instrument (maybe a mixture of guitar and bagpipe, Sirius thought), a gigantic chess set, a thoroughly tuned wireless and a peculiar looking plant with poisonous-green pellets hanging on its crooked twigs. The fruits looked like those beads you got in Experimental Potions Kits for children. They mostly had the effect of a little indoor firework _but_ you could also eat the pellets as chewing gum - that was certainly why Remus had kept the plant.

"Ready with inspecting my room?" Grinning, Remus handed him a pair of sleeping pants.

"Thanks. Yeah, it's nice here." Contrary to Sirius' room at Grimmauld Place, this room really looked like someone had been living here, with the stains of pumpkin juice, chocolate and potions on the carpet, and the tapestry peeling off at some places where old posters had been removed. _Of course_ someone had lived here. While Sirius had already attended Hogwarts and had only come back to Grimmauld Place 12 if it was unavoidable, Remus had not had another choice but stay here.

"Goodnight then," Remus finally said and kissed Sirius briefly on the cheek, although earlier he had told Sirius _not_ to kiss here or hold hands in order to spare his parents (actually, all of them) from very embarrassing situations.

"G'night," Sirius replied and kissed Remus back.

"I'm glad you're here." Remus wiped a lips-shaped toothbrush stain from Sirius' cheek with the sleeve of his pyjamas. "No need to raise suspicions," he whispered.

"When are you gonna tell them?" Sirius whispered back.

"I... I didn't want to spoil the mood on the first evening," Remus mumbled evasively.

"M-hm." Sirius nodded although he thought the earlier they told Remus' parents, the better. He feared that things would get more complicated if they were kept secret much longer. But he did not tell Remus that. He knew this was something between Remus and his parents, and Sirius was not really in a place to interfere.

"Maybe tomorrow," Remus said nonchalantly, "if the situation is right."

Sirius did not believe him that.


	5. We Can't Leave Him Alone

**Chapter 5**

**We Can't Leave Him Alone**

Content to be home again, Remus crawled under his blanket and took one last look around his room before he extinguished the light with a flicker of his wand. It was nice to be finally allowed to use magic outside school. Yes, he had done so before (his parents had taught him the most elemental things - because how else had he been supposed to catch up with everyone at Hogwarts?) but he had always felt uneasy about it, being fully aware that, if the Ministry ever found out about it, they would treat him much differently than other students who performed magic outside school. He could be really happy that he had not been born ten years earlier because in the 1950th the Code of Wand Use still classified werewolves as non-human creatures who were therefore not permitted to carry a wand.

There was a soft knock on his door. It was Remus' mother. "You still awake?" she whispered.

"Yes," Remus replied.

"Good." She lit her wand and walked into the room. "I brought you some pumpkin juice in case you get thirsty tonight. And I also brought you a hot-water bottle."

"Mum, it's summer," Remus said, grinning wryly. "I don't think I'm going to need a hot-water bottle."

"You never know that." She placed the things on his bedside table and went to sit on the mattress next to him. "It's good to have you home again, little one," she said affectionately.

"It's good to be home again," he replied. He had long before given up protesting against her calling him 'little one'.

"Remus, we've been thinking how to get through the next full moon. You know, with Sirius being here... You can't transform here as usual, obviously. So we thought we'll have to rent one of the cells in the Ministry for once. I know, dear, it's not nice but it's the safest we could think of. I promise, we'll come to fetch you immediately the next morning, you won't have to stay there any longer than absolutely necessary, and we'll tell Sirius you've had an accident..."

Remus said up in bed so he could look better look into his mother's eyes in the dim wandlight. "I know full moon is in eight days. I wouldn't have invited Sirius here if it was a problem. He knows I'm a werewolf and he knows what the transformations mean."

"He knows? And how did he take it?" his mother asked worriedly.

"Well... Actually, not so well at first. But that's understandable, I guess. Must be quite a shock to find out your friend's a werewolf. But he got over the shock and he's okay with it. I don't think he would've agreed to stay here if he had a problem with it."

"That's wonderful, Remus," his mother said but smiled worriedly at him nevertheless. "He must be a really good friend."

"Yes, he is. And my other friend, Peter, knows I'm a werewolf too and is okay with it too. And another friend… well, not really a friend… another boy in Gryffindor - his name's James and he's Sirius' best friend - he also knows and is okay with it."

"I thought Sirius was your best friend?"

"He is, but James is Sirius' best friend."

"This sounds... complicated." His mother chuckled awkwardly. "I heard... well, Helena told me that her daughter, who goes to Hogwarts too, said Sirius was... homosexual. I'm sure it's only a rumour but..."

Remus' heart dropped into his gut. That was not good, not good at all. He had wanted to address the issue differently. And what had she said? She hoped it was only a rumour that Sirius was gay; and if she already had problems with another boy being homosexual, how would she react to finding out that her own son was, too?

"Yeah, Sirius is gay," Remus said quietly without looking at his mother.

"So I suppose he and his _best friend _James are..."

"Yes, Mum. I'm gay too and Sirius and I are together," Remus spared her from beating around the bush much longer.

His mother gulped, then leant forward and hugged him tightly. "Oh my poor boy," she said in a choked voice. "My poor little boy. I'm so sorry for you. Just why does everything have to happen to you?"

"Er, Mum?" Remus embarrassedly patted his obviously very distressed mother on the back. "It's... It's not... bad, you know? I'm okay with being gay, you see? It's not a problem. Maybe I'm even glad to be gay because otherwise Sirius and I couldn't be, erm, a couple or something like that."

His mother was still embracing him and rubbing his back soothingly although clearly she was the one who needed the comfort more. Remus had come to terms with his sexuality long before. Yes, of course it had been a shock at first to find out he fancied another boy but by now, he could not even imagine ever kissing a girl...or someone who was not Sirius, for that matter.

"But you wrote in your letters about that nice girl who helped you get along at Hogwarts," his mother mumbled.

"Lily? She and James are sort of predestined. James would kill me if I ever laid a hand on her."

"But, Remus, just because James wants to have her as his girl-friend doesn't mean you can choose not to fall in love with her. If you really love her..."

"Exactly, Mum. I can't really choose with whom I fall in love. I am gay and I am in love with Sirius and not with Lily. And if I had a choice, I'd choose to fall in love with Sirius anyway."

"You're really sure of it?"

"Yes."

"And is Sirius so sure of it too?" she asked, sounding very worried again.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure he is."

"Just...just be careful, okay?" she sniffed, pressing him even closer to her breast. "I don't want you to get hurt. What if someday he decides...? What if he gets so much pressure from his family? You know what the Blacks are like."

"Sirius isn't really someone who'd back away from something because he got pressure. If his family told him to stop going out with me, it'd be the surest way to make him go out with me."

"So you mean to say he's only, erm, _going out _with you because it's a way to oppose his family?"

"Mum, please stop to find fault in everything he does. I know him better than you and I just... know."

"I'm only worried, Remus, I'm only worried for you."

"Yes. Yes, I know."

She sighed and ruffled his hair distractedly. "I just don't want you to get hurt," she said again.

"I suppose one can't live without getting hurt at some point."

His mother chuckled somewhat sadly and ruffled his hair even more. "That's my boy, expressing all his little wisdoms."

Remus finally relaxed in her embrace. How could he have ever doubted his mother's love for him? She had gone through all the trouble that raising a werewolf caused, had accepted the limitations for herself. She would not hate him for the fact that he was in love with a boy.

"Is Dad okay with it?" he asked cautiously.

"You caused us quite a few sleepless nights after Helena told me about those 'rumours.' We discussed again and again if it could be true. And we were so worried. How you'd take it. And how other people would react. Your life's already hard enough. I hate to think that people have now one more reason to - to treat you badly."

"Life's much easier like this," Remus said softly. "Sure, there are enough people who say not so nice things to us 'cause we're gay. But to know that he still wants to be my friend although I'm a werewolf - it helps a lot."

"M-hm, I understand. Don't worry. We're happy that you've found such a nice friend. Sirius seems a really... nice and well-behaved boy."

"Well..." Remus coughed a few times. "I'm sorry to shatter your illusions but Sirius is _not _really well-behaved. Not at all. He can be polite and show good manners but, trust me, if you asked the teachers, they'd tell you some very different stories about him. How he's the worst troublemaker and all."

"Troublemaker?" his mother asked immediately, very worried again. "He doesn't get you into trouble, does he? Remus, you really should be careful, what if...?"

And so it went on and on: His mother warned him to be careful not to get caught because maybe the teachers would punish werewolves more harshly than other students and throw him out of Hogwarts. She insisted that he absolutely should not let Sirius keep him from studying because he really needed good grades if he wanted to get a halfway decent job later. And, of course, he must not - _under no circumstances _- take part in anything dangerous like midnight duels or brewing illegal potions.

Remus only nodded from time to time when he was expected to do so, and he more and more drifted off to sleep. He did not remember what her last warning was; he only remembered someone tucking him gently in and smoothing his hair.

-------

The next day, Remus' parents treated Sirius much differently. They seemed still a bit awkward around him but the smiles directed at him were much warmer now. Sirius felt still uneasy around them but he thought they were almost as nice as James' parents nonetheless. Later that day, Remus explained to him that he had already told his parents about their relationship and that his parents were fine with it. It eased a huge burden from their shoulders both.

The following week the weather was nice and Remus and Sirius got a bad sunburn on their head, nose and arms from flying in the sun for too long. Mrs. Lupin, whose parents were Muggles, roasted potatoes over a campfire together with them at night. Sirius could not understand how Muggles could have so much patience to wait until their food was ready but he found the experience extremely exciting nevertheless. Remus, being the conscientious student he was, insisted they start with their homework already now. But it was not really that bad if you did it outside in the sun with cold pumpkin juice, pointless discussions and ink-wars in-between.

Everything was fine until the day of the full moon.

So far, Remus' transformations had always been something distant to Sirius. Remus would say goodbye in the afternoon and go down to the Whomping Willow. The next day, Sirius would go to visit him in the hospital wing. The many scars and bruises - they were real. But the actual transformation had always taken place far away from Sirius and therefore had been almost surreal. This time it would be different. The Lupins had a cellar in their house which they had specifically arranged for Remus to safely change in.

Sirius stared gloomily at the hatch in the living room's floor while Remus' parents hugged their pale-looking and shaking son.

"Be save, little one," Mrs. Lupin told him in a trembling voice. "I love you."

"I'll be okay, Mum," Remus said, putting up a brave face. "I guess it's going to be a bit rough tonight 'cause I haven't changed here for almost a year and the wolf isn't used to the surroundings anymore but there've been worse transformations."

"Maybe it won't be that rough because the wolf understands you're home again. I'm sure he'll recognise this place," Remus' father tried to reassure him.

Remus smiled but he did not look convinced. He rather smiled for his father's sake. "Yeah, possibly." He turned to Sirius next. "Well, see you tomorrow," he said wryly.

Completely lost for words, Sirius stared back at Remus' livid face. Several times, he tried to say something but his throat was too tight to speak. From the corners of his eye, he could see Remus' parents watching him apprehensively. He was sure they did not want him to kiss Remus. Yes, they were okay with Remus and him being a couple but Sirius could tell they would have preferred a nice, respectable girl for their son.

"Good luck," Sirius whispered and hugged Remus as tightly as he could. It was probably not the right thing you told someone before a werewolf transformation but he simply could not think of anything else to say.

"Thanks," Remus replied, let go of Sirius and smiled at him, too.

"Be careful," Sirius blurted out.

Remus smiled ruefully. "I wish I could."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said quickly, feeling horribly ashamed for his stupid comment. "I should've known... I mean, I know you can't control it... I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'll try to be careful," Remus said, still smiling, smiling, smiling... _Oh Remus, who are you fooling? You're pretending it's us who have to go through all this pain now and you need to be the strong one who's there for us._

With a big lump in his throat, Sirius watched Remus step down the ladder through the hatch. He caught one last glimpse of Remus' strained face before it disappeared in the dark cellar as well. Sirius stood horrified when Mr. Lupin pulled the ladder up and sealed the hatch with several complicated locking charms. He felt so helpless standing here alone with Mr. and Mrs. Lupin while Remus was below them, alone too.

"We don't use Silencing Charms," Mr. Lupin explained to Sirius in a hollow voice. "So we can hear if something happens."

"That's… good." Sirius nodded and looked out of the window to see if the moon had already risen. "How long is it still?"

"Thirty-two minutes."

"Okay." Sirius knelt down and put his ear against the trapdoor. "Remus? You alright?"

"I'm fine," he heard Remus' muffled voice. "Don't worry. It's not my first transformation."

"Yeah, I know… If you need something --"

"I'll be fine."

"Good." Sirius pressed his eyes shut and tried to think of anything comforting he could tell Remus. "Don't worry, okay? I'll stay here and -- I'll just stay here."

"You should go to bed, Sirius. It's late. There's no need that all of us get completely tired out. How long till moonrise?"

Sirius questioningly looked at Mr. Lupin. "Thirty minutes," answered the latter.

Sirius could hear a frustrated groan below the trapdoor. "I hate waiting," followed the almost inaudible statement.

"Me too," Sirius whispered and swallowed down the growing lump in his throat. "Me too," he repeated more loudly. "For example, I hate waiting before a Quidditch match until Madam Hooch finally gives the signal to fly up." It earned him not very appreciative glances from Remus' parents. They certainly thought comparing Remus' situation to something as trivial as a Quidditch match was unacceptable. Well, Sirius was trying to distract Remus with _anything_. "And at those terrible family gatherings where I had to go earlier," he continued, "I always hated waiting until I was finally allowed to eat after all the speeches had been made. What else do you hate waiting for?"

"For the full moon to go down again."

"Oh, and I also hate waiting for the summer holidays to be over. When I still lived at home, of course."

"I hate waiting for the end of Binns' lessons."

"Absolutely. And for Sluggy to finish enumerating all the famous people he knows."

"For the exam results --"

"For Peter to finish his homework--"

And so they went on and on, trying to surpass each other with good ideas on what they hated waiting for. But, alas, finally Mr. Lupin interrupted them.

"Five minutes till moonrise."

"Oh, right." Remus' voice, which had temporarily adopted a playful tone, sounded very strained again.

"Relax, my dear," Mrs. Lupin shrilly shouted down. Her voice did not sound relaxed at all. "Do the deep-breathing exercises that Healer Ovam taught you."

"I've already tried but it didn't help. I simply can't relax." Remus laughed nervously.

"Try to do it anyway," Mrs. Lupin shouted panicky.

"I - yeah, I try," Remus shouted back.

Sirius had no idea how Remus was supposed to relax when his parents were shouting down advices at him nonstop. Sirius' heart was hammering in his chest. He moved to the window and peeked through the thick curtains to see if the moon was already visible. It was not. And he did not even have an idea where the moon was supposed to rise. But then, suddenly, he heard a groan full of agony from below.

He spun on his heels, lunged down right next to the trapdoor and shouted, "Remus?! Are you alright?"

"Of course he's not," Mr. Lupin said in very obvious annoyance. He was restlessly pacing the room, his hands behind his back, his expression unreadable.

"I'm - I'm fine," Remus panted but then he gave another pained groan.

Frantically, Sirius turned to Mrs. Lupin, who stood behind an armchair. Her hands gripped the backrest of it so tightly that the skin over her knuckles was chalk white.

"The transformation has begun now," she said in a calm but hoarse voice. "You'd better go up into your room and try to sleep a few hours. Put a Silencing Charm around you."

"But he's -- he's --" Sirius trailed off. Go to bed now and sleep while Remus transformed and was in such pain?! Sirius would never be able to find sleep tonight.

His thoughts were interrupted by a long scream from Remus. Sirius had never heard anything like this before. He had never heard Remus scream like this, he had never heard _anyone_ scream like this, he had never even known that a scream could be so full of pain.

"Remus!" he shrieked. "Are you okay?"

But the only answer he got was another scream which was even worse than the last.

"_Remus!!!_" he screamed back. "Can you hear me? Answer me!"

The next screams made Sirius feel really sick. It hardly sounded human anymore. No human could shriek so much in agony. Then there was a dull thud. And silence.

"Remus?" Sirius choked and without knowing what he did, he reached for his wand to unlock the hatch.

"What are you doing?" Mr. Lupin suddenly said sharply.

Sirius replied something, something about helping Remus but no one could understand him because Sirius' miserable voice was drowned by a long-drawn-out howl. It caused cold shudders to run down Sirius' spine and he frantically hit his wand against the trapdoor. But then a big hand locked around his wrist.

"Stop it!" Mr. Lupin said harshly and removed the wand from Sirius' hand. "Have you any idea what you're doing there?"

"I need to - we need to - someone needs to help him! He's in pain!" Sirius babbled. "He's in pain, he needs help, we can't just leave him alone, he --"

"Yes, we will do exactly that: We will leave him alone! We _have_ to leave him alone."

"You can't do that!" Sirius protested, hot tears in his eyes. "How can you leave him alone when he's in such pain!"

"There's nothing we can do," Mrs. Lupin spoke up and she, too, had tears in her eyes.

"Of course you can do something!" Sirius struggled fiercely to break free from Mr. Lupin's vicelike grip on his wrist. "I can't believe you're leaving your son alone! You're his parents! You have to help him! Don't you hear in how much pain he is?!"

"Sirius Black!" Mr. Lupin shouted. "This is not the first time we're there during one of his transformations!"

Through all the argument, there were the agonised shrieks and howls from below, half boy, half wolf. Sirius felt like his body was being torn apart, too - by the gut-wrenching screams. Again, there was a loud thud, then a crashing sound like something was breaking and then an even louder howl followed by miserable whimpering until there was finally silence.

Sirius had never known he possessed such strength - that strength which somehow enabled him to free himself from Mr. Lupin's grip. He fell on his knees again and pounded desperately against the trapdoor.

"Remus! _Remus_! It's me: Sirius! I'm here! Do you hear me? _Remus_!"

His shouts were met by a very angry growl. It sounded dangerous, very dangerous, but it did not discourage Sirius at all. Remus was down there and he was in danger, in mortal danger, and Sirius would not – would _never_ – abandon him.

Again, there were the loud thuds and the following pained howls.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked Remus' parents.

"He smells you, he hears you," Mrs. Lupin whispered. "It's only making everything worse. The wolf smells human flesh and he wants to attack. But he can't. But he'll never stop trying, do you understand me? Do you understand me, Sirius? Please, please stop it. _Please._"

But not even Mrs. Lupin's tearful pleadings could convince Sirius otherwise. He was sure that he just needed to talk to Remus, that somehow Remus, the boy, would come out of the wolf when he heard Sirius' voice.

"Remus, do you hear me? I'm here! I, Sirius Black, am here! I won't leave you, I promise! Do you hear me: I won't leave you! I love you, Remus, and I know that you're there, somewhere!"

More and more crashing and more and more howls. Suddenly, there was an ugly splitting sound as if something was broken. The wolf's whining sounded so painful, so lonely, so hopeless that Sirius could not take it any longer. He rattled at the trapdoor and tried to use his feeble attempts at wandless magic to open it.

His vision was blurred from his tears and all he could hear was a rushing of howls, whines, Mrs. Lupin's choked, "Please stop it, Sirius," and Mr. Lupin's angry rebukes.

"Remus! Please hear me! I'm coming down! I'm going to help you! Trust me, I will come and help you!" He kept rattling at the door.

Then he was grabbed roughly and pulled away. Next moment, he had a wand between his eyes.

"Don't you dare," Mr. Lupin snarled in an uncharacteristically menacing voice. "Don't you dare go down to my son now. I'd rather hex you and go to prison for it than letting my son attack you so he gets a lifelong sentence in Azkaban, mark my words, boy. And now, out of here."

Sirius struggled, kicked, bit, spat, screamed, pounded and scratched but in the end, he was brutally shoved out of the door by Mr. Lupin. He landed hard against the wall of the hallway. Before he had scrambled to his feet again, Mr. Lupin had already sealed the door to the living room with all the locking charms he knew.

After hammering against the door for what seemed an eternity and screaming himself hoarse, Sirius finally had the rescuing plan: He went up into Remus' room to retrieve Remus' wand from there. Of course, a simple _Alohomora_ Spell did not work against all the advanced locking spells from Mr. Lupin, so Sirius finally opted for, "_BOMBARDA!_"

In the cacophony of the explosion, flying pieces of wood, Mr. and Mrs. Lupins's appalled screams and the werewolf's howls from downstairs, Mrs. Lupin did not see another choice but to Stun Sirius.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Reviews and criticism are welcome as always. I got a review from someone who wondered if Dumbledore ever came out of the closet. Does anybody know? I don't think JKR ever mentioned it. Personally, I believe Dumbledore kept his homosexuality quiet. Otherwise, Rita Skeeter would've written about it, wouldn't she? Indeed, there is a wonderful fanfic about Rita Skeeter finding out Dumbledore is gay - and then of course she writes a new book. The fanfic is called _Rita Skeeter Makes a Comeback_. I really recommend you all to read it - it's _hilarious_!

And as I'm already doing advertisements... I've written a new fanfic: a one-shot about Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald. I would be very grateful if you gave it a chance and took a look :-)


	6. Being a Werewolf Isn't Fun

**Chapter 6**

**Being a Werewolf Isn't Fun**

Remus carefully blinked his eyes open. It hurt. He quickly closed them again. That hurt, too.

"Remus?" someone whispered. "You awake? Are you okay?"

Fighting against the pain, Remus forced himself to open his eyes to see the blurred outlines of Sirius' face. He tried to smile but gave up when it felt like it was splitting his skull.

"'M okay," he produced a sound which sounded like the scratching of sandpaper.

He did not remember much of last night. He only knew it had been bad. Very bad.

"Here, my dear, drink this." His mother's face appeared in his range of vision.

Remus sighed inwardly. He knew what was coming now. Although he was terribly thirsty, he dreaded the burning sensation that the potions would cause in his throat, which was still sore from howling so much.

His mother carefully lifted his upper body up (it hurt so much, so much... his aching back against the sofa cushions, her arms around his shoulders... it hurt so much...) and fed him several goblets of different potions. He gasped when the acid liquid trickled down his throat but he knew it helped. If you could call the horrible potion that cleared your senses (and thus intensified your pain), the potion that caused the itching all over your body, the sensation of your skin being stretched more than was possible, the feeling of the dull thudding that turned to sharp hammering and the spinning in your head that caused you nausea 'help.' Well, rationally Remus knew all the potions were meant to help him...

And, of course, after some time they did help -- though only a little bit.

"Bloody hell, Remus, I had no idea things were so -- bad," Sirius said and his voice sounded just as hoarse and raspy as Remus'.

Now that Remus' senses were clearer, he could also see the dark bags under Sirius' eyes. He looked terribly exhausted, as if he had had a werewolf transformation last night, too.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked him. "You look tired."

"I didn't sleep much last night."

"To be precise, he didn't sleep at all," Remus' mother clarified Sirius' statement.

"Maybe the time I was Stunned could count as rest."

"Stunned?" Remus asked worriedly. "Why, what happened?"

"I didn't have another choice," said his mother, who still had a steadying arm around his shoulders. "He wanted to go down to you to, well, _help_ you, as he put it."

"_What_?!" Shocked, Remus sat up straight. "You-you can't mean that, you can't -- Oh Merlin, please, Sirius, you must never, ever, do that! Never, do you understand me? It's, oh Merlin, I can't even think about it, what if - what if I had bitten you and you would've, oh no, please, Sirius, never do that again!"

"Remus, calm down," his mother tried to soothe him. "You shouldn't get yourself worked up so much, you're still weak from last night. It's no good if you get so overemotional."

"I'm not overemotional!" Remus contradicted her just for the sake of contradicting her. "What if I had bitten you, Sirius? You could be _dead_ or you could be a werewolf, too!"

"I know, I know," Sirius said quickly. "Your parents explained to me when I was Stunned. I know I shouldn't have done it, I just thought you'd maybe recognise me and then stop biting yourself and all --"

"Are you _mad_?!" Remus said shrilly, ignoring his mother's attempts to calm him down. "I thought you of all people, after reading all those books on werewolves, you'd have finally got it that werewolves are dangerous and you should never get too near to one during full moon!"

"Yeah, I know," Sirius said sheepishly, "but, you know, there was one part in the book where a werewolf realised what he was doing and his human mind could briefly control the wolf --"

"_One part _where a werewolf had control?! And how many times did you read about the _dangerous, inhuman beasts which seek human flesh_?! For heaven's sake, Sirius, how _thick_ are you?!?!"

"Now, Remus, don't get insulting," his father interfered. "He only wanted to help you."

"I _know_!" Remus almost shouted. He dimly realised that his hands were shaking from his agitation but he simply could not control himself anymore. "But there's no way to help me and I don't want help! I just don't want to bite anyone and turn him into a werewolf! That's all I want! Why is it so hard to understand?!"

"I'm sorry, Remus, really," Sirius said unusually seriously. "I promise, I won't do it again."

"You'd better not," Remus said grumpily and, panting heavily, leant back again. His lungs hurt and he felt somewhat dizzy. He shouldn't have freaked out like that. But it had been necessary. Sirius had needed to understand how important it was to stay away from Remus when he was a werewolf.

"And besides, I wouldn't mind if you bit me and I became a werewolf too," Sirius said lightly. "Just imagine, we could spend all the full moons together, maybe that would --"

Remus choked and exploded right again. "Don't you get it?! It's not fun being a werewolf! It's not fun at all! You have no idea what it's like - so don't say such stupid things! It's not fun --"

"I know that, Remus," Sirius said quietly. "I was here last night and I heard everything. I certainly know it's not fun. But I'd do it for you nonetheless, you know, becoming a werewolf. If it helped you, I wouldn't mind all the pain --"

"Stop talking such rubbish!" Remus snapped at him. "You have no idea what you're talking about! I swear to you, after just one transformation, you'd definitely change your mind!"

"No, I'd still do it," Sirius insisted. "And I think you'd do the same for me."

"Turning into a werewolf for you?" Remus said cynically. "Yes, just imagine: I would do it." He laughed humourlessly. "It's not like I have another choice."

"Well, then imagine you had a choice: If you weren't a werewolf but, let's say you could help me by becoming a werewolf: Well, what would you do? I'd rather be a werewolf and with you, of course. And so would you, I'm sure."

But Remus did not answer Sirius' question. He hung his head and pressed his eyes tightly shut. Everything still hurt so much, so much... He felt his sore throat tighten and hot and burning tears behind his eyelids.

"Don't - don't ask me such a question," he said hoarsely, "right after the transformation when it still hurts so much and… it's unfair, don't ask me such a question now, it's… unfair."

"Hush, it's okay, little one." His mother wrapped her arms around him and he pressed his face against her warm breast. That was when he could not fight back the tears any longer. Tears because everything hurt so much, tears because he could not answer Sirius' question and maybe because he did not deserve Sirius as his friend if he was so selfish, so weak, so miserable...

"It's okay," his mother soothed him, "you don't have to answer the question. No one expects you to answer it. We understand that you'd do everything to get rid of that terrible curse and we'd do everything, too, to help you get rid of it."

There was a hand rubbing Remus' back soothingly. He did not even know if it was Sirius' or his father's, he just knew that it hurt, too, and that he hated himself for being such a pathetic wreck who always caused problems to everyone he loved.

-----

About five hours later, Remus woke up again, feeling already much better. It was cosy and warm here on the sofa in the living room. It was no wonder it was warm: he was under five blankets, four pillows and there were also two hot-water bottles. Not to forget that it was the middle of the summer. And certainly he had also gotten a Sleeping Draught, which usually made you feel pleasantly warm, too.

Yawning widely, he stretched his still aching limbs and looked around. Next to him on an armchair lay Sirius, one arm dangling over the armrest and his mouth slightly opened. He was deep asleep. Remus grinned wryly. Sirius was probably more exhausted from last night than Remus. He never knew whether to love or hate Sirius for his hopeless recklessness.

Then Remus' stomach rumbled. Everything in the house was completely quiet - it seemed his parents were asleep, too. Thus Remus decided to get up and look for something to eat. He shivered when the relatively cool air touched his sweaty skin. His legs were still wobbly but he finally managed to arrive in the kitchen - with several breaks to sit down and rest when he got dizzy on the few metres.

He was so hungry that he was willing to eat everything. Chocolate frogs and a few slices of bread would have been alright but his mother usually insisted he eat something which contained much carbohydrates and iron after full moons. So, with a chocolate bar in his mouth, he skimmed the kitchen for something nutritious. He threw everything he could find (bananas, broccoli, noodles, spinach, pumpkins and cheese) into the huge cauldron, and then lit the fire under it. He added salt and pepper, and was just about to taste a spoon of his meal when suddenly there was a loud _bang_, a dazzling white light - and then he was thrown backwards by an unknown force. To top it all, he was sprayed with the hot, green-brown mush that had once been meant for him to eat.

Before Remus had even time to assess the situation, his parents and Sirius appeared next to him out of thin air. All of them looked still sleepy, their hair tousled, his parents in their pyjamas and Sirius in his rumpled jeans and t-shirt. Nevertheless, all three looked very alert and stared at him in shock.

"Remus, are you alright?" His mother rushed to his side. "What happened?"

With the back of his hand, Remus wiped the sticky mass out of his eyes. "I -- tried to make me something to eat." He was met with three pairs of eyes that scrutinised him doubtfully.

"That doesn't explain --" His mother gestured at the mess on the floor. "-- this."

"I have no idea what happened," Remus said quickly.

"Well, you need new bandages and patches," his mother said and supported him back into the living room.

"I'm going to clean the kitchen in the meantime," Sirius offered.

"And I'm going to order us something to eat," Remus' father said. "I don't think there's anything edible left in the kitchen."

Remus' wounds needed to be cleaned again. It was not very pleasant, and he thought, once more, that life was very unfair to him.

"I don't understand it," he complained and thus tried to ignore the fresh pain when his mother sprayed disinfectant into a particularly deep gash. "Why did the stupid thing have to explode? I didn't do anything!"

"Did you use the same cauldron in which your mother brewed the healing potion?" Sirius' voice could be heard from the kitchen.

"No idea," Remus replied. "The cauldron was empty, so I used it. Maybe it was the same cauldron. So what?"

"You didn't put _pepper_ in it, did you?"

"Well, yes, I did."

"Remus Lupin! You know better than to mix pepper and Murtlap!" Sirius shouted and appeared in the doorway, with the dilapidated cauldron in his arms.

"I didn't put Murtlap in it," Remus defended himself.

"Yes, but you know very well that Murtlap essence is the basis of every healing potion," Sirius said.

"Yes, of course I know that. But I told you: The cauldron was empty."

"And you also know that you should clean your cauldron before every use," Sirius continued lecturing him.

"Yes, I know, but you know I've only had Potions for a year and I'm not very good at it. You can't expect me to know everything."

"That's no excuse for not cleaning a cauldron before using it. I don't expect you to know everything but, Merlin's beard, cleaning your cauldron is not a rule, it's -- self-protection. Honestly, Remus, pepper and Murtlap." Sirius twisted the cauldron in his arms and tried to flatten some of the dents. "You're lucky you survived that without permanent damage." He gave up with the cauldron. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Lupin, but it looks like this cauldron is beyond repair. Congratulation, Remus, that's the fifth cauldron you've destroyed."

"The _fifth_?" Remus' mother said. "You only told me of two."

"Yeah." Remus gave her a sheepish glance. "I didn't think it was so important that I had to write a letter to you to tell you about it. It was not that spectacular. "

"Is that true? Sirius?" his mother asked.

"Hm." Sirius winked at Remus and grinned at his mother. "Well, he simply melted one cauldron until it was unusable but the other one -- that was quite an impressive explosion. Me and Peter had to go to the hospital wing. Remus was quick enough to hide under the desk."

His mother gave Remus a worried glance. "Really?"

"It was his fault," Remus mumbled and nodded in Sirius' direction.

"Why's that?" Sirius asked innocently.

"You told me to put Ashwinder Eggs into the potion."

"I was _joking_. I never thought you'd be stupid enough to actually _do_ it."

"Oh dear," his mother sighed.

"He's hopeless at Potions," Sirius told her. "Completely hopeless."

"What am I hearing about my son?" Remus' father entered the living room and placed several packets of food in front of Remus, and two smaller meals at the table for his mother and Sirius. "Hopeless, hm? Then you'd better stay away from cauldrons. Really, the whole house smells burnt."

"Why don't you close the door then?" Remus asked while he hungrily opened a box with rice in it.

"Because there is no door."

"Hm?" Remus looked up from his delicious meal to notice for the first time that the hinges were empty. "Why, what happened to the door, Dad?"

"Sirius blasted it away."

Remus turned to look to Sirius, who hurried back into the kitchen and tried to appear very busy.

"Why?" Remus asked again.

"That, obviously, was part of his mission to rescue you last night," his father said dryly. "Well, I'm off to work now. Try not to destroy the whole house while I'm away, boys. Get better soon, Remus."

It was strange, Remus thought, how well his parents and Sirius suddenly got along. Literally overnight, they were at ease with each other around, they joked and talked as if Sirius was no longer a stranger but part of the family. Not that Remus minded it, certainly not. He definitely preferred this relaxed atmosphere to the forced friendliness earlier. He was just surprised.

While they were eating their ordered lunch, Remus' mother and Sirius chatted about Remus and all his mishaps, both at school and at home, making it sound like he was the most clumsy oaf in the world. When his mother even began to show Sirius old photographs of Remus as a baby, Remus decided to read a bit. He chose the potions textbook that was meant for first-years. Although he had not been at Hogwarts then, he had always made sure to buy the required textbooks and study them so, if he really was accepted at Hogwarts, he would be well prepared and did not have to repeat a class. Now, he read again the first rules for save potion brewing.

-------

Silvia Lupin had always only wanted the best for her son. She had wanted him to be happy. No, she had never believed in illusions, she knew what being a werewolf meant. She had hoped he would find a decent job - certainly not a prestigious job but just something that assured him enough money for a living. She had raised her son to be polite and accommodating to people, so he would get along fine with everyone. Maybe not become close friends but getting along well was enough. And last of all, Silvia Lupin had silently hoped Remus would meet a nice girl one day who would love him in spite of his condition. They could marry, have a little family and live secluded but happily. That was all she had ever wanted for her son.

But then along came Sirius Black and he had -- well, Silvia still did not know whether he had shattered or fulfilled her hopes. Or maybe even surpassed them. She only knew that he made Remus happy and that was what she had wanted for her son, right? Sure, she had never expected the person to fall in love with Remus to be a boy. She had not expected it to be a Black either. And she was still worried. What if Remus got hurt in all of this? He seemed so vulnerable, and Silvia knew that her son did not trust people easily but if he did, he did so fully - and thus the disappointment and the pain would be even worse. How easy it could be to hurt Remus...

_But don't all parents worry about their children?_ Silvia wondered. _Yes, but my child is different. He didn't grow up with the other children, he doesn't know how those teenager games of dating and dumping someone work. What if he can't cope with losses? _Silvia stopped on the way to her bedroom to throw a glance through the empty doorframe into the living room.

Remus, who still had not fully recovered from his transformation, lay on the sofa and talked nonstop. Sirius was seated comfortably in the big armchair opposite him, and he skimmed through some book or pieces of parchment. Silvia was not sure if Sirius listened to everything Remus said. But Remus did not look like he minded. She knew Remus liked to talk about the things he read. He was interested in many things (_And how could he not? Books have been all he's had for a very long time_) and if he started discussing something, he often got carried away. Silvia and her husband were not always interested in their son's theories but he was never angry if they did not listen to him properly. Although Remus had a way with words and could always find the right words to explain something vividly, there was only so much you were interested in learning about Red Caps' hiding places.

Remus' latest interest was a poet called Serafina Monk who had lived about three hundred years ago and had been part of an organisation to abolish trade with Chimaera eggs. Silvia had already forgotten why it was so important that the poet had been a member of that organisation. By the looks of it, Sirius did not see the importance of it either. Occasionally, he would look up and ask Remus a question or comment on something he had said, and then Remus would his head with laughter.

Silvia Lupin had seldom seen Remus laugh in such a carefree way. He hardly ever showed that he was either sad or angry or happy. No, most of the time Remus was simply quiet and it was hard to tell how he felt. Self-evidently, that was a way of self-protection. If he did not give much of himself away, people could not hurt him so easily. But he seemed perfectly comfortable around Sirius. And Sirius seemed someone who could put up with all the problems that being a werewolf brought with it. For a start, he knew something about healing potions. _Because someone has to make healing potions for my little one once he leaves home, right?_ Silvia shook her head at her own thoughts that were moving forwards with an astonishing speed. _Who knows how long this will last? -- But they're both of age now. They're not children anymore._ Of course this was not only about holding hands or going to Hogsmeade together. But was Sirius someone who would stay loyal for a long time? Mind you, that boy was good-looking. What if he found a nice, good-looking girl? Remus would never be able to cope with the loss.

Silvia smiled sadly to herself. _Of course he would. Because isn't that what he's been doing all the time? He could live with it when his grandparents didn't send him Christmas presents any longer. And when, each year again, he was being disappointed and could not go to Hogwarts. When he could not do all the things that other children do... There's probably no one who knows better how to cope with losses and limitations than him. He will cope. As he always does. He'll become quiet again and he won't let anyone know how he's coping. _

Finally, she moved on and up the staircase to her bedroom. _Why worry so much about the future? Why worry when the present is so wonderful to my son? I should let him enjoy the time he has now so that maybe later he has something good to remember, something that can help him cope. _

And, after all, Sirius seemed a really nice boy. If Silvia had still been a schoolgirl, she would have probably developed a crush on Sirius, too. Yes, she could understand why Remus would fall in love with someone like Sirius. He was charming, intelligent, funny, good-looking and, most importantly, he cared deeply for Remus. Really, what more could she have hoped for her son? The only thing she regretted was that she certainly would not have little grandchildren...

* * *

**Author's Note:** I know, this chapter wasn't extremely exciting... The first part of the story is now over. In the next chapter, the plot thickens and things will get a little more exciting. Don't forget to review :-) 


	7. A Dangerous Dance

**Author's Note:** Many thanks as always to my lovely reviewers! I love hearing from you!

Concerning this chapter: There will be a female OC (-gasp-) ---- Now, let me say one thing: DON'T PANIC. You won't see much of her in future chapters, but for this chapter, she's important in terms of plot and that's why she's here. Maybe some of you still remember her from "Hairy Snout, Human Heart", where she had a few appearances, too. I repeat: DON'T PANIC. No Mary Sue, no, quite the contrary. I hope you can enjoy this chapter nonetheless. It's a bit different from the rest, a little experiment. I had fun writing it but don't worry if you don't like this writing style so much: After this chapter, things will be back to normal.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**A Dangerous Dance**

Regulus Black looked much like his older brother. But he was skinnier. And his hair was shorter. And his teeth were not as even. And he was not nearly as charming as his brother. And not as intelligent either. And he was two years younger. And a bad dancer. A really miserable, clumsy, inapt, incompetent dancer.

Belinda Malfoy was more than a little bit sullen. Regulus had already stepped on her foot (her sensitive foot in her very new, very soft and not to mention _very_ expensive ballet flats with tiny beads on it) for the third time.

It was the wedding of Belinda's cousin Lucius Malfoy and Regulus' cousin Narcissa Black (they married, those two, Lucius and Narcissa, made for each other, predestined for each other since their birth). Belinda would have liked to leave but there were expectations on a Malfoy. As a Malfoy, you had to demonstrate presence here, you had to shine here on the dance floor. Yes, she did. She knew she was beautiful. Her long blond hair was arranged artfully in a bun, a generous emerald decorated her décolleté and her new ball dress (specifically made for her at Twilfit & Tatting's) billowed around her gracefully. Yes, she was beautiful and she deserved a better dancing partner than Regulus. There were several students at Hogwarts (better looking and more intelligent ones... and better dancers, mind you) who would have killed to dance with her. But no, she only got Regulus, who was two years younger than her and could not live up to her glamour, and who was a pathetic dancer.

She despised Regulus and looked down at him with a passion that could not be explained rationally. It was not really Regulus she hated. Maybe it was Sirius she hated (Sirius and that -- that filthy Mudblood pathetic _boyfriend_ of him!). Maybe it was everything here, this ball, these people and their expensive dress robes and jewels, them discussing the next arranged marriage... And maybe it was herself that she hated.

-------

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"I… I was there when Remus transformed."

"Really? How - ?"

"I heard him. Scream and… howl."

"M-hm."

"We have to help him."

"That's what I've been saying all along. But you said there wasn't a way to help him."

"Yeah. But there _has_ to be something we can do..."

-------

Sirius and Belinda. Black and Malfoy. They had been predestined. Since birth. When she had been born, only two months after him, her parents and his parents had begun with the negotiations at once. At first, they had not told their children. They had done it subtly. Had said again and again how the two four-year-old kids looked so _cute_ together on the photograph: She with green hair clasps in her perfectly blond Malfoy-hair and in a white dress robe (oh, how her parents had shouted at her because of the pumpkin juice stain on it!), and he in a little suit with a tiny tie (yes, she remembered him complaining how it was tied too tightly around his neck. He had told her he could not breathe anymore and would definitely suffocate and she had been deeply impressed) and the Blacks' crest embroidered on it.

Everyone had gone into raptures over the two of them. How well they fitted together. How they were a cute little married couple already now. And just imagine how beautiful their children would be! Oh, a Malfoy and a Black - could it be any better? All the grandmothers had had tears in their eyes when the two of them had danced together for the first time (they had both been ten years old back then) and it affirmed everything they had always known: Sirius and Belinda were perfect for each other (and they were also perfect for their families, for the increase of silver in the family heirloom and for preserving the pure magical bloodline... minor reasons, naturally).

"We only want you to be happy."

How often had her parents told her that? Yes, of course that was the only reason why she would marry Sirius. They would be happy together. Both of them were beautiful, pureblood and rich - everything you needed to be happy. It was all about loyalty to one's family. And of course they loved each other.

"Of course you can date someone else. There's nothing wrong with gaining a bit experience. You can have fun. As long as you know where your loyalties lie. You have to keep it quiet, of course. And after your marriage, it shouldn't happen anymore."

Sirius had dated someone else. Not only one girl. Dozens. Belinda had counted them. Twelve girls, one boy. And certainly there had been more she did not know about.

Sirius had not bothered to keep it quiet. Naturally, Belinda had ignored them. She did not care if Sirius dated dozens of girls as long as he would be loyal to her after their marriage. She did not care in the slightest how people looked at her. How she was loyal to him and to her family (and to herself). How she never dated anyone, never even kissed anyone else. She did not care if he had a new girlfriend every week and only paid attention to her when he was temporarily single. She did not care if he used her, exploited her like a whore just to get his revenge on someone else, she did not care! She. Did. Not. Care. She was a Malfoy and she was above such things.

-------

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I read in one book that werewolves sometimes are more peaceful if they spend the full moons with other werewolves."

"Hm."

"So all we have to do is find other werewolves and introduce them to Lupin."

"How do we find other werewolves?"

"There are those organisations like Werewolves Anonymous. We could pretend to be werewolves and go to one of their meetings."

"That's a great idea!"

"See? I told you I'd find something."

"..."

"..."

"James?"

"M-hm?"

"You said they _sometimes_ are peaceful if they are around other werewolves?"

"Uh, yeah. That's the problem. Sometimes they attack each other and fight for dominance and, uh, some even kill each other but I'm sure --"

"Are you mad? We can't do that!"

"But --"

"No! Absolutely no. Forget it."

-------

"Mother?"

"Yes, what is it, my dear?"

"I won't marry Sirius."

"Excuse me?"

"I can't do it. I don't love him anymore. Today I've seen him kissing someone else _again_. _Again_, mother. That's the thirteenth person he's kissed. I can't do it anymore, I feel so betrayed. I-I-I want him to love me, I-I d-don't want him to-to _use_ me."

"Now, now, hush, my dear. There's no need to cry. Please don't make any rush decisions. Men are like that. They sometimes need a bit more -- excitement. We women have to live with that. We must be strong and proud, and you'll see: In the end, he'll realise whom he truly loves and he'll come back to you."

"You've told me often enough. I've waited long enough for him to realise whom he _truly loves_. Obviously it's not me. I've had enough. I won't marry him. It's my decision. I'll find someone else. I'm good-looking. There are enough boys interested in me. I don't need to beg him to take me."

"Belinda, why do you always have to be so _hysterical_? Please, for once think rationally. There are other boys but you know there is no other respectable pureblood wizard your age. I'm sorry if Sirius does not behave as is expected of him as a Black and your future husband. I'm going to speak to Walburga and ask her to put a stop to his escapades."

"You've done that often enough! Do you think I haven't heard all the howlers he got from his mother? Ha, he doesn't care at all! He laughs about me and my pitiable attempts to make him love me. He won't change his mind. It's over."

"Belinda, don't be silly! That's ridiculous, you're acting like a little lovesick girl! You're a Malfoy, you have responsibilities! You don't only live for yourself, there's a tradition you have to uphold! Do you want to betray your family?"

"No, but, mother, please don't make me do it. I can't do it, I really can't. I hate myself, how I behave when he's around and how he doesn't spare me a glance, and, please, mother, don't ask that of me."

"Stop with this childish behaviour! This discussion is over. You will marry Sirius and that's all there is to it. I won't allow you to bring shame to our noble house."

Mrs. Malfoy turned to leave when Belinda quickly shouted, "It was a _boy_! He, Sirius, kissed another _boy_!" And although all the desperate and tearful pleadings of her daughter could not soften Mrs. Malfoy's heart, this tiny bit of information made her change her mind at once.

-------

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I read that werewolves only seek human flesh."

"Yes, I know that, James."

"Does that mean that werewolves do _not_ seek animal flesh?"

"Well, if they only seek human flesh, it probably means they only seek human flesh."

"Does that also mean they don't attack animals?"

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. I mean, if they attack themselves and furniture and everything that's around, they'll certainly attack animals too, right?"

"M-hm."

-------

_How small he looks_, Belinda thought while she swayed to the rhythm of the music, her long dress billowing gracefully around her ankles, a haughty smile on her face. _How young he is. How pathetic. He just lets them marry him to me. How cowardly. How unmanly. And I'm the old spinster that no one else wants to marry. _

"How about Regulus?" they had told her.

It had not been a suggestion but an order. Regulus Black was two years younger than her, he was in Slytherin, was very well-behaved and had never been known to date someone else. He was the only pureblood wizard her age. They used her like Sirius had done. They played with her in a game of marriage and deceit. Sirius and Belinda was not an option anymore, so let's try Regulus and Belinda.

"How have your holidays been?" Regulus asked her, making another misstep and only nearly missing her toe.

"Very pleasant, thank you for asking," she replied, smiling charmingly at him. "We've been in Alaska for two weeks. How have your holidays been?"

"Nice, thank you," he replied politely. There was another pause in their conversation, in which Regulus tried to re-arrange his lanky legs and find the rhythm of the music again.

"Alaska, that sounds interesting," he finally continued their small talk. "What was it like?"

"Oh, it was cold. Very cold." She threw him a suggestive glance through her long eyelashes and moved a bit closer to him. "Just thinking about it makes me cold again." She moved still closer so that their bodies touched. So that he had a perfect view into her décolleté. His breath quickened and he did another wrong step. She pressed her eyes tightly shut for a tiny moment.

She heard their voices. Discussing them.

_Alas, he's not as good-looking as Sirius but what can you do? The arrangement is still the same, just the other brother._

_He's a bit small. Do you think he's still going to grow?_

_I hope so. I told Belinda not to wear high heels, otherwise it would look strange. _

_It's a pity, she's so graceful in high heels. Ah, and Sirius had just the right height for her._

_But she still marries a Black and that's all that counts. Regulus seems a really reliable choice for her. I always say: Looks isn't everything._

_How very true. _

She felt her stomach churning. Regulus' hand around hers was disgustingly sweaty. She remembered another sweaty hand, touching her breasts. She remembered a voice (a drunken, slurred voice) telling her she was sexy. And while she forced her body to stay close to Regulus, she remembered all the times _he_ had walked past her as if she did not exist at all. No, he only had eyes for his -- his filthy, Mudblood (well, halfblood to be precise, but who cared? Filthy Mudblood anyway!) _boyfriend_.

Her head was spinning, too, and she felt slightly dizzy. She should not have drunken so much champagne. She could feel her throat constricting painfully. She smiled at Regulus when he almost stepped on her foot again and apologised again. And her stomach was churning and churning --

"Excuse me for a moment --" She quickly let go of Regulus, smiled apologetically at him and hurried through the masses of dancing people – heavily perfumed people, swinging dress robes, loud music. Everything was spinning and she had to use all her strength to focus to arrive in the bathroom in time.

She threw up again and again although she had hardly eaten anything today. Just a few asparagus tips and smoked salmon stripes. The pink mess that had such a disgustingly sour stench (How could something so ugly come out of her? She had to be ugly from the inside...) was sprayed all over the basin and the silver water tap in the form of a snake. She felt like throwing up again when she had to touch it with two fingers (and touched the ugliness that had come out of her, that was herself) to turn on the water and wash everything away. But the horrible stench was still there. She stared at herself in the mirror. She shuddered in disgust when she saw the smudgy mascara, the sweaty strands of hair that had come out of her bun, the pale and quivering lips and the low-cut décolleté. Ugly. So ugly.

Almost mechanically, she began tying her bun anew. She could not do it as well as the hair-dresser had done it, it looked a bit asymmetric now. But she did not care. She was a Malfoy. She did not care what others thought of her. She took some toilet paper and wiped the mascara stains away. It now looked as if she had dark circles around her eyes. Then she noticed the stain on her dress, right on her left breast. Her own vomit. She had to clean it, quickly, but toilet paper could not help against that stain on her light violet dress. There was no place for a wand in her dress either.

Biting down all the swearwords she would have liked to scream at the world, she hurried out of the bathroom. There had to be some Magical Mess Remover in this house, right? But could this ugly stain be removed? The fabric of her dress was so sensitive, they had told her to be careful with that dress, it had cost them a fortune...

"Belinda?"

She jumped, and quickly tried to pretend she was _not_ a quivering mess when she saw Regulus standing next to the bathroom door.

"Oh, sorry, I'm afraid I spent too much time in the bathroom. That's what girls are like, you see?" She tried to smile cockily at him, forcing her face once more into an ugly grimace.

"Are you alright?" Regulus asked worriedly. "It sounded like you were --" He trailed off embarrassedly. Certainly no one had ever taught him how to behave towards your future fiancée if she had just vomited.

"I ate too much, had too much champagne and then all the dancing. Everything was just spinning. You won't tell anyone about this, right?" She batted her eyelashes, and acted the helpless cute little girl.

"Of course not," Regulus quickly reassured her.

"Thank you so much!" She smiled widely at him (Oh, how the corners of her mouth hurt!).

"Can I help you?" he offered.

"Actually, yes. I, well, need to remove this." She pointed at the stain over her left breast. Wasn't it a perfect invitation? She had practically invited him to grope her. The first stage in that something which would later be called 'love'.

"Okay. Let's go and find some Magical Mess Remover," Regulus said and led her through the house and then down into the cellar.

-------

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I've found the solution."

"That's the fourth time you tell me that."

"But this time it's really good, I promise."

"Alright then, let's hear."

"Well, I read that animals that are bitten by a werewolf don't turn into a -- well, weresquirrel or something like that."

"What?"

"If a squirrel gets bitten by a werewolf, it won't turn into a werewolf during full moon. It will simply stay a normal squirrel."

"James, no squirrel would ever survive a werewolf bite."

"Yeah, okay, but apart from that, werewolves aren't dangerous to animals at all."

"You're crazy. I don't know how putting a squirrel with Remus into the shack is going to help him. I mean, he's going to eat it and then? How does that help?"

"Uh, maybe he's not hungry then anymore and he'll stop biting himself?"

"No, it doesn't work like that. You can't just feed werewolves and then they're not hungry anymore. It doesn't help if you give them raw steak or something like that during full moon. It will only increase their bloodlust."

"Oh, right. Okay, it was not such a good plan."

-------

"Where are we going?" she asked nervously. _Down in a dark and dusty cellar where no one can hear us having sex_, a tiny voice in her mind told her.

"To the house-elves' place," Regulus replied. "They have all the cleaning utensils there."

"I see." It seemed a plausible explanation. But still – they could have sex down there. A few house-elves would not stop them. They would not tell anyone.

Nonetheless, Belinda was almost relieved when a young house-elf appeared to greet them.

"Good afternoon, Lady and Gentleman." The dirty and ugly creature (Belinda almost recoiled from it) bowed deeply to them. "How can I be of assistance?"

"Hello," Regulus greeted it friendly. "We need something to remove the stain from Belinda's dress. Could you bring us some Magical Mess Remover perhaps?"

"Certainly. It is a pleasure, Sir. Dobby will hurry."

They stood in awkward silence until the house-elf returned with a bottle of Mrs. Skower's Magical Mess Remover and a clean cloth.

"Thank you, Dobby," Regulus said and took the offered items.

When the house-elf disappeared again and Regulus soaked the cloth with the Mess Remover, Belinda felt her heart sink into her boots. This was it now. _I'm going to have my first time in a dusty cellar, no, worse: in the house-elves' quarters._ She could still taste the sour aftertaste of her own vomit in her mouth. _He's not going to like such a kiss. Maybe -- maybe he won't kiss me because I reek of vomit_. She did not even know if it was a hopeful or a self-loathing thought. With all the effort she could muster up, she straightened up. She was a Malfoy, after all. _Go on then_, she mentally encouraged him. _Just get it over with._

But his hand never came close enough to touch her breast. He simply offered her the cloth as if it was the most normal thing in the world. And maybe it was. _Are you really that stupid and innocent?_ Belinda thought contemptuously. _Or are you simply a decent guy? Or am I that disgusting that you don't even want to touch me? Or_, and that was the most probable reason for his behaviour, _you pretend to be decent to get through to me. They told you what Sirius did to me and instructed you on how to act so I'd be easier to get that way. _

With a curt nod, she accepted the cloth and cautiously brushed it over the stain on the soft fabric. It did not disappear completely but for the moment, no one would realise. She could dance only with Regulus for the rest of the evening (and wouldn't everyone be delighted how quickly they got closer!).

"Good, it's gone," Regulus said and turned to leave.

"Regulus, wait a moment," she called him back. She looked around for a place to sit and only found a low locker. She ignored the fact that the rough wooden material would likely damage the thin fabric of her dress, and sat down on it with her usual grace and looped one leg over the other.

"Sit down." She gestured at the place on the locker next to her.

Regulus' dark eyebrows almost knitted together when he frowned but finally he sat down without a word.

"There's something I need to discuss with you."

"What is it?"

"Do you remember the meeting of the Slug Club one year ago? At the beginning of the term?" she said meaningfully.

"I don't know. Why?"

"Do you remember how Professor Slughorn introduced that _Lupin_ _boy_?" She put all the venom she was capable of into that name.

Regulus' face darkened. Belinda marked it up as a success for her. Regulus hated Lupin almost as much as she did - good.

"Yes, I remember," he finally said in a strained voice. "Why're you asking?"

"Do you remember what Professor Slughorn said to him?"

"I'm not sure. He -- he said some pretty mysterious things, didn't he?"

"Exactly. He asked Lupin if _Rudolf Kelini _was _one too_." She lowered her voice and edged closer to Regulus. "So I've done some research on that Kelini." Truth be told, she had not done 'some research' but had spent days and weeks in the library, had asked random people about it, had searched through the Daily Prophet again and again to catch a tiny bit of information about Kelini.

"I did that, too," Regulus suddenly admitted freely. Surprised, Belinda turned to look at him. It was the first time he really said something about himself, the first time that she saw the real Regulus behind that well drilled puppet of the Blacks.

"Did you find out anything?" she asked breathlessly.

"No," he disappointed her. Without looking at her, he pulled at his tight tie (with the Black crest embroidered on it) to loosen it a bit.

"I did."

"Really?" Regulus turned to look at her more closely. For the first time, he really seemed to listen to her, seemed interested in what she had to say.

"Rudolf Kelini trades werewolf talismans. You can put it around your neck and so it will protect you against werewolves. To produce such a talisman, you need three hairs from a werewolf's fur. Now the question is: Where does Kelini get all the werewolf hair from? And many people think he's a werewolf himself, so he knows lots of other werewolves too and it's easy for him to get werewolf hair."

"Well, he could've slain one werewolf once and kept its fur. I bet there's enough hair for hundreds of talismans."

"But that's not the point!" Belinda said impatiently. "People _think_ he's a werewolf and Professor Slughorn obviously thinks so too, and if he asks Lupin if Kelini is _one too_, it can only mean that --" Excitedly, she looked at Regulus, willing him to finish the sentence.

But Regulus did not react like she had hoped. In fact, he snorted in amusement. "No way. I mean, honestly, Belinda." He looked at her as if she was a silly little girl. "Lupin a werewolf? That's just crazy."

"Why?"

"Do you think werewolves could be gay? That's the funniest I've ever heard. Listen, do you know Fenrir Greyback?"

Belinda grimaced. Yes, she had seen that uncivilised creature once and she could not understand why her family would want to have connections to him. "Yeah, I know about that monster."

"Yes. _He_ is a werewolf. Everyone can see that. But Lupin? Never."

"But it all fits!" Belinda said desperately. She had spent months to figure it out, Regulus could not simply destroy her hopes like this! "He's often sick and misses school, that's certainly during full moon. People say his Boggart was a silver orb, _silver_, you see? That's what can kill a werewolf, so obviously he's afraid of silver. He doesn't wear decent robes and he looks skinny - he must've lived somewhere in a cave with his werewolf pack before he came to Hogwarts."

"You're making this up, Belinda," Regulus stopped her enthusiasm. "It can't be. It simply can't be."

"Yes, it can! He doesn't take Astronomy classes - because he would be too close to the moon. And you know why he dates Sirius? Because you certainly know that werewolves mate for life and if he had sex with a girl, he would be bound to her forever, but two boys can't have sex like that and, yeah, he is a werewolf. I know. I just know."

"I'm not so sure," Regulus said still doubtfully.

"Okay, there's a foolproof way to find out the truth. The first full moon after the holidays is September 15th. If he disappears again, we know he's a werewolf."

"Alright then. If you really think it's possible..."

-------

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"What if he doesn't eat the squirrel?"

"What?!"

"I told you I've read about werewolves who get peaceful if they're around other werewolves. I've found a report on a werewolf who played with a cat and the only thing the werewolf did that night was, uh, bite off one of the cat's paws. But apart from that, they got along fine."

"Really? That sounds good!"

"Exactly! We could send Mrs. Norris down there with him! I wouldn't mind if the stupid cat lost a paw or two."

"No, wait, I've got a better idea! McGonagall could do it! She has a human mind, she's clever enough to stay away from him if he gets too aggressive."

"Are you mad? What if he -- No, we can't do that to Minerva."

"I bet she'd do it. She likes Remus."

"No, no, no, it's too dangerous. -- _Sirius_!" Unexpectedly, James jumped up from his bed, switched on the light, and landed on Sirius' mattress - and on Sirius' ankle but James was too excited to notice. Ignoring Sirius' cry of pain, he babbled breathlessly, "I know, Sirius, I _know_! I've found the solution! And this time I've _really_ found the solution! _We_ can turn into cats! We don't have to send Minerva there, _we_ can do it! We can learn how to turn into cats and then we, I and you and Peter, can stay with Remus during full moon! Just imagine, it's gonna be so _great_! All the things you can do as a cat - we could play so many great pranks like that - d'you reckon Evans likes cats? - of course she does, all girls like cats, they all like cute cats with soft fur - and - and - and -"


	8. An Unbelievable Miracle

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! Here's the next chapter for you with many Lily/James moments. Sorry I'm a bit behind with replying to your reviews. I'm working on it. Thanks to my anonymous reviewers Bad fairy, Sirius Black and Orii 15. I love hearing from all of you!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**An Unbelievable Miracle**

Sirius and James (and Peter) had worked hard during the summer holidays. Peter had come over for the last two weeks to stay at James' place. Together, they had created the so-called Marauder's Map and could not wait to test if the spell, which was meant to show how the staircases moved, really worked at Hogwarts. Furthermore, they had informed Peter of their grand plan to become cats to help Remus during his werewolf transformations. Peter had decided to become a cat too, and so they had devised several ideas how to approach Professor McGonagall and tease information out of her.

James had wanted to ask for Remus' advice too because he was sure the 'bookworm' Lupin (James never let a situation pass without calling Remus something like that) could tell them in which book to look. But Sirius was strictly against it. After Remus' overreaction when Sirius had wanted to come to him at full moon, he did not think it wise to inform Remus of what exactly they were up to. Peter had been on Sirius' side (he thought they should not raise false hopes in case it did not work) and so it had been decided.

Although Sirius did not hate the summer holidays any longer since he did not have to spend them at his parents' place anymore, he was glad to return to Hogwarts. Because it meant seeing Remus again, of course. So, when he finally recognised his boyfriend between the many people on Platform 9 ¾, he only restrained himself from snogging Remus here and now for the sake of the Lupins. Instead, he hugged him as tightly as if they had not seen each other for years.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked worriedly and scanned Remus for new scars until he noticed one at his left middle finger. "Hell, Remus, this looks painful."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I already told you in my letter: Last full moon was not that bad," he said in a low voice.

"Is it true?" Sirius asked Remus' parents because he suspected Remus to play things down.

Mr. and Mrs. Lupin smiled at Sirius (they really seemed to like him now) and explained that last full moon had really been better than the one when Sirius had been there. The only complication had been that Remus had indeed bitten off his middle finger but fortunately it had been possible to hex it back on.

A few moments later, Peter and James had managed to fight their way through the crowd, too. Remus and Peter shook hands and Remus introduced him to his parents. James, of course, refused to shake Remus' hand. He was childish like that. It was almost as ridiculous as his protestations that he did not love Lily Evans.

"Well, guys, I have to go now," James said quickly when he was receiving suspicious glances from Remus' parents for his odd behaviour. "I have a date with Lily Evans."

Peter's and Sirius' jaws dropped down. Remus only looked faintly surprised but that was because he did not know what an unbelievable miracle this was. Well, it explained James' nervousness this morning. Grinning broadly and messing up his hair again and again, James left in a hurry and hardly cared that he bumped into at least ten people on his way.

Sirius and Peter exchanged bewildered glances. "How, in the name of Merlin, did he do that?" Peter finally asked.

"No idea. He must've used a Befuddlement Charm on her or something like that," Sirius said thoughtfully.

xxxxx

Lily sat nervously in the train compartment for the prefects. She and the Head Boy had to instruct the new prefects from fifth year and discuss their assignments for the following months. It was already five minutes past eleven and the Head Boy still had not shown up. She was very curious who of the prefects had made it Head Boy. Certainly not Chris McKinnon, who had been the Gryffindor prefect. Lily really hoped it was not him. Working with him had been terrible. She was sure it was going to be either David Fox from Hufflepuff or Joshua Shacklebolt from Ravenclaw. The prefects already looked expectantly at her. She smiled at them and said, "The Head Boy should arrive any minute."

Finally, the door burst open. But it was neither David Fox not Joshua Shacklebolt. It was James Potter. Lily shook her head. She should have known that, sooner or later, Potter would have come to annoy her again. _Please don't ask me out again_, she pleaded inwardly. _I don't want to have to turn you down in front of all these people._

"Hi Evans," he said. "Had good holidays?"

He was grinning as widely as she had never seen him do before. She was immediately alarmed. _What's he up to now?_

"Hello Potter," she replied in what she hoped was a neutral way. "Thanks, my holidays were fine."

Potter's grin became still wider. "Great. Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find the right compartment at first."

"Ah. Sorry to disappoint you but you still haven't found it. This is the prefects' compartment. Really, you even have your glasses on," she said with a slight smile, "so you should've been able to read the sign on the door."

"Yeah, erm, I'm --" Potter trailed off and grabbed for something in his cloak. Lily quickly curled her fingers around her wand to be prepared in case he attempted to hex someone.

"The thing is, I'm… Well, how do I say this --" But the thing that Potter took out of his cloak was not his wand but the Head Boy badge. "I'm Head Boy," he finished at long last.

Everyone in the compartment stared at him with eyes and mouth wide open. For a tiny moment, Lily felt like fainting but then she realised what this meant. She was a rational girl and she knew one thing for sure: Nobody in their right mind would make James Potter Head Boy.

"_Accio_ badge," she said sharply and the golden badge zoomed into her hand. She examined it critically but it seemed the real badge. "Alright, Potter. From whom did you steal it?"

Potter stared at her with big, innocent eyes (_ha!_ she knew better than to trust that expression!) and said in a voice that equaled his fake innocent expression, "From no one. I'm really -- Head Boy."

"This is not funny," she said coldly. She was not in the mood for Potter's silly pranks now. "You stole the badge, therefore I deduct ten points from Gryffindor. Ten more points if you don't tell me _right now_ who the rightful owner is."

"It's me!" Potter said indignantly and pulled a piece of parchment out of his cloak. "Here, look. It's the letter from McGonagall. It says _here_ I have to come into the prefects' compartment today." He looked triumphantly at her.

She sneered back at him. "You don't honestly expect me to believe that! I know very well that you and your friends are good at producing such fakes. You even tried to fake Professor McGonagall's signature once to get into the Restricted Section. Do I have to remind you what you got as detention? I'm going to report this to Professor McGonagall, then let's see what kind of detention you'll get this time!"

"I swear to you, it's not a fake," Potter insisted.

"_Enough_. Twenty more points from Gryffindor for disturbing this prefect meeting," Lily said impatiently.

Potter frowned very hard. "You know what? _I_ deduct ten more points from Gryffindor. Because you insulted the Head Boy."

"You're so _childish_, Potter," Lily hissed. "Get out of here now, I have to instruct the new prefects."

"That's also _my _duty," Potter said stubbornly.

"Get out of here," Lily said in a low voice and she was really ready to hex him now. Hex him _badly_. "That's the last time I'm telling you this."

Potter took the hint and fortunately left the compartment. Breathing heavily, Lily turned to the prefects, who looked at her curiously. _Fine, what a great first impression I've made_, she thought angrily. _Not a very convincing Head Girl. This is all Potter's fault!_

If only she knew who was really Head Boy -- She was going to ask Professor McGonagall first thing she arrived at Hogwarts. What if Potter had done some serious harm to that boy? Lily would not have been surprised, not at all, if that was the case.

So she did ask Professor McGonagall and when she found out the truth - the horrible, cruel truth - she felt like crying. She had looked forward to her duties as Head Girl: helping the first years get along, discussing curricula with the teachers, arranging the NEWTs ball... It would have been so much fun if she had been partnered with Joshua Shacklebolt or David Fox, who were two very responsible, nice, well-behaved, civilised, intelligent, decent boys.

But together with James Potter, every meeting would be sheer torture. It would be uncomfortable, to say the least. Potter would try to make her go out with him again (And what if he used one of their meetings with just the two of them to seduce her? She already felt sick at the thought of it.) and they would fight and he would be no help at all. Just how had Potter wormed his way into this? And why, in the name of Merlin, had Albus Dumbledore made James Potter Head Boy?

Lily had told Professor McGonagall that she would resign from her position as Head Girl but, of course, her Head of House had not allowed that. She had told her to be reasonable and act like a grown-up witch. In short, Professor McGonagall was sure that Lily would somehow manage to make Potter cooperate and behave.

xxxxx

Things had not gone as James had hoped. He was deeply hurt that Lily was not even willing to consider the possibility that he could indeed have been made Head Boy. Well, to be fair, he would have never believed it either if anyone had told him one year ago he was going to be Head Boy. But still, it was unfair of Lily to deduct points from Gryffindor without a proof.

He had tried to speak to her again but she had disappeared into the girls' dormitory and the boys could not go up there. His mood was not improved by the fact that Sirius and Lupin stuck together like glue again. Sirius seemed to pretend James did not exist at all. Okay, he had asked once or twice or maybe five times how his date with Evans had been but James had told him to shut up and that's what Sirius had done in the end. Until now. James had already gone to bed early and closed his curtains when he heard Sirius' loud voice.

"So, James, out with it: What went wrong?"

Next moment, his curtains were pulled open and Sirius and Peter stared curiously down at him.

"What?" James snapped.

"Well, we're not stupid," Sirius said casually. "We know something went wrong on your date with Evans. But she didn't hex you, so what was it? Something she said? Or does she have a boyfriend? You know, that's nothing to worry about. We can hex him together. We can hex him so ugly that she'll never look at him again."

"Of course she doesn't have a boyfriend," James said gruffly but he was somewhat touched by Sirius' loyalty nonetheless.

"That's good then," Sirius said cheerfully. "Come on, tell us."

"Why do you care? It's not your concern."

"It's my obsessive curiosity," Sirius said, smirking.

James groaned. "I'm not gonna tell anything if _he_'s here," he said nodding at Lupin, who was unpacking his trunk.

Lupin flinched, and Sirius said (very pissed off of course because James had offended his _boyfriend_), "And why's that?"

"Because it's personal. I'm only going to tell you because you're my best mates and if you tell anyone else about it, I'm going to hex you into oblivion."

"I have to return a book to the library anyway," Lupin said (and didn't the _bookworm_ enjoy playing _matchmaker_?) "Then you can have your secret talk."

"Well," James said gravely once Lupin had left. "I'm Head Boy."

"You're really Head Boy?" Peter said in awe.

"Yes," James said embarrassedly.

"How did you do it?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I don't know!" James shouted and he was almost desperate now. "I have no idea why Dumbledore chose _me_. He just wrote me in his letter that I had to become Head Boy if I wanted to return to Hogwarts."

"Oh, come on," Sirius said. "You can tell us: How did you do it? I mean, I see your point. It gives you all your 'dates' with Evans. But Evans is not exactly stupid and she knows just as well as everyone else: No sane person would ever make _you_ Head Boy. And that's why she's angry at you again." Sirius nodded in satisfaction at his analysis of the situation.

James felt like crying. If not even his best friend believed him, then why should Lily Evans, who hated him anyway, believe him? Oh, being Head Boy was going to be so much fun if no one even believed he actually _was_ Head Boy.

"Okay," he said dully. "Now, let's get one thing straight: I really am Head Boy. And if you don't believe me, it's your problem. But you wanted me to tell you what's wrong and that's it. Goodnight." He lay back, closed his eyes and ignored them. But not for long.

"We still have to test the Marauder's Map," Peter reminded them.

"Yes!" said Sirius, who was completely enthusiastic about it at once.

James would have liked to stay in bed with his eyes closed but when Sirius pulled the map out of his trunk, he could not contain himself any longer. Naturally, he was curious if the map, which was worth four weeks of hard work, worked. So, in the end, all three boys poured over the parchment with the promising headline,

_The amazing Marauders_

_Messrs_

_Pettigrew, Black and Potter_

_are proud to present_

_The Marauder's Map_

Sirius tipped his wand against the parchment and immediately thin ink lines began to appear on it.

"It's working, it's working!" James exclaimed and Peter and Sirius joined in his cries of victory when the staircase, which led from the third floor to the Entrance Hall, appeared on it and moved - well, it did not exactly move to the place where it was supposed to move.

"Why's it ending in midair?" Sirius asked, scratching his nose deep in thought. "Maybe it's not working as well as we thought."

"Yes, it is working, I know it is," James said. "This staircase is supposed to be here today, that's the one which is always only there at the first day of the month."

"But why's it ending in midair, though?" Sirius said again.

"We must've made a mistake when we drew it," Peter said. "I told you, this staircase should've been more to the left."

"Nonsense, you've kept telling us it should be more to the right and that's the only reason why it's wrong now."

"But James said --"

"You said we should --"

And while they continued bickering whose fault it was that the map was not correct, Lupin came back.

"Have you finished your secret talk now? Can I come in again?"

"Yes, yes." James waved impatiently. "Hey, you can be our referee. Come here and tell us if this staircase should be more to the right or more to the left so it leads here. Makes much more sense like this, doesn't it?"

Lupin bent over the map to examine it. "Wait a moment," he said, stunned. "Is this a map of Hogwarts?"

"No, this is a dragon."

"Where did you get it? I thought it was impossible to draw a map of Hogwarts."

"Not for a Marauder," James said a bit haughtily.

"You - _you_ drew it?" Lupin asked, clearly impressed.

"Yeah," James said and he could not hide his pride anymore.

"Wow," Lupin whispered and examined the map more closely. "You even managed to make the staircases move. How did you _do_ that?"

James shrugged casually. "Marauder secret."

"It's brilliant," said Lupin, still in awe. The three friends grinned at each other.

"I know," Sirius said. "We're simply brilliant."

"I mean, really -- brilliant." Lupin's eyes were still glued to the map and his pupils darted back and forth from one moving staircase to the other. "You know," he finally said thoughtfully, "I have no idea how you did it but if you can make staircases move, you could also make other things move."

"Like what?" said James. "There are no other moving things at Hogwarts."

"Of course there are," Lupin said. "Students. Teachers. Ghosts."

The other three boys gaped at him. "You mean, the map'll show people moving around the castle?" Peter asked doubtfully.

"It couldn't possibly work, it's too complicated," Sirius said.

"Yes, it could work," Remus said. "It's basically the same as with the staircases. Okay, maybe a bit more complicated but still! If you could do the staircases, you can do this too!"

"But there's one difference," Sirius objected. "People move of their free will. Staircases, on the other hand, move regularly. Like this one." He jabbed his thumb at the staircase they had argued about earlier. "It's supposed to be here every first day of the month."

"No." James slowly shook his head. He had hardly heard what Sirius had said before.

"Yes, of course it's here," Sirius said.

"He's right," James said, completely thunderstruck by Lupin's suggestion and its implications. "He's right. It will work. Because not all staircases move regularly. You know the one at the fourth floor that only moves upwards if you stand on the last step? That one doesn't move regularly. It only moves if people are there to activate it and that means -- Yes, it's really going to work. But --"

"It's going to be much work," Lupin finished for him.

"Yes, because we have to do every single --"

"Exactly, and if we want it to work too if someone else --"

"Or in the future --"

"There has to be a way to generalise the spell --"

"Yeah, based on Hogwarts and the way people change it --"

"And not on every single person."

James and Lupin looked at each other once they had completed the abbreviated version of their plan and nodded, and for one strange moment it felt as if they had already known each other forever.

"What are you talking about?" Peter asked.

"I have to agree with Peter on this one," Sirius said, "you lost me too."

And so followed a long explanation, in which Sirius, James and Peter told Lupin how the spell worked to show the moving staircases, and in which James and Lupin elaborated how they wanted to modify the spell so it could also show people moving on the map. After two more hours, Sirius and Peter went to bed. But James and Lupin simply could not stop experimenting with the spells. They had gone down into the common room in order to not disturb their dorm mates. The two of them were determined to stay awake until they had succeeded to put the first person 'into' the map. James had already cast dozens of spells at Lupin, who always came up with new ideas and theories. So far, all they had achieved was one dot of ink on the map where the Gryffindor common room was.

"We should label it," James said.

"Good idea. Otherwise there'll be only huge ink stains or single dots on the paper." Lupin dipped the quill into the dark ink and wrote his name next to the dot.

"First person on the Marauder's Map, eh? You should be damn proud. Now move up the staircase to the dormitory. Let's see what happens."

Fidgeting with excitement, James poured over the map while Lupin slowly walked in the direction of the spiral staircase. After every step, he would turn around and ask James, "Did something happen? Does it work? Has the dot already moved?", until James lost his impatience and threatened him, "move your ass a bit quicker or I'm going to hex it there and trust me, that won't be pleasant!"

So finally Lupin sprinted up the staircase and, with a little delay, the dot on the map moved towards the boys' dormitory too!

"It works!" James shouted, jumped up from his place in front of the fire and did a little dance of joy with the map in his hands. "It works, it works, it works!"

Lupin raced down the spiral staircase and the ink dot mimicked his movements. "It really works?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes, yes, yessss!!"

"Sh, calm down, you're going to wake everyone up," Lupin said, chuckling.

It annoyed James a lot that Lupin had to be so boring and rational even if something as exciting as this happened but he was still too amazed by their ingenious work that he quickly forgot his anger.

"Wait, what's that?" Lupin took the map from James and examined it critically. "Why's the dot still moving?"

James poked over Lupin's shoulder to see what he was speaking about and, indeed, the dot labeled 'Remus Lupin' raced up and down the spiral staircase to the boys' dormitory again and again and again.

"Oh dear, it looks like I'm hyperactive," Lupin said.

James watched the crazy ink dot and chuckled with a lightheaded amusement that comes from staying awake for too long and working nonstop.

"I think I know what we did wrong," Lupin said. "We pretended there was no difference between a staircase and me, and used the same spell to activate the dot --"

"And that's why the map thinks you're a staircase and this way here, between the common room and the dormitory, is your stationary place in Hogwarts."

"You mean to say it's stopped recording my movements because it thinks it already has got them all."

"Yeah. Therefore we must find a way --"

"-- that the map never stops recording my movements."

"And also the movements of every other person in Hogwarts."

"So we have to cast the spell on everyone? Hm. How do you think Dumbledore will react to it? I mean, I'm sure the Slytherins don't want it either but we can just do it, fire a spell at them like in a duel. But that's not gonna work with Dumbledore and most other teachers."

"We could try to use something like the Ministry of Magic. They're tracking the underage wizards to detect underage magic. Maybe we could use that technique."

"No, that's still the same problem: We'd have to cast the spell on everyone. It should be something like a surveillance device."

"This is going to be _really_ difficult. Even for a Marauder."

"Yes. Let's try it tomorrow again, okay? Maybe I'll find a solution while I'm asleep. I sometimes dream of really amazing things." James folded the map, then hesitated for a moment and said, "I suppose you're one of the Marauder's Map's creators now too. Let's see where I can put your name on it."

Lupin smiled gratefully at him, which made James angry again. There was no reason to be so grateful when James did nothing more but write a name on a piece of parchment! He finally opted for 'Moony' (James always came up with new names for people, and 'Moony' was his favourite for Lupin so far) and added it to the other names on the parchment so it now read:

_The amazing Marauders_

_Messrs_

_Moony, Pettigrew, Black and Potter_

_are proud to present_

_The Marauder's Map_

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "_Moony_?"

"It's your code name," James explained.

"Well, it's not very original, is it? But I guess I should be glad you didn't decide to name me 'Wolfy'."

"Did you know that I'm Head Boy?"

"Really? Congratulations."

"Thanks," James mumbled. Congratulating him on becoming Head Boy - really, that was not the expected reaction. In that aspect, Lupin was just as annoying as his parents, who had said they were so proud of him in spite of all his protestations that he did not want to be Head Boy. (Of course only until he had found out Lily Evans was Head Girl. Since then, he could not imagine anything more exciting than being Head Boy.)

xxxxx

Lily had finally decided she had to carry out her duties as Head Girl. It meant she had to work together with James Potter but she knew she could not postpone it much longer. At the first weekend after the beginning of the school year, she addressed him. She had wisely chosen a moment when Black was not with him. It was bad enough to handle one of them.

"Potter!" she called after him when he had just left the common room - naturally, as always, with his racing broom with him. Lily knew there was nothing Potter loved as much as his broomstick. He got positively hysterical if anyone else got too near to it. It was ridiculous.

"Oh, hi." He smiled distractedly at her.

She felt a bit awkward because she was well aware that she was in a place to apologise to him because she had accused him of cheating. But she did not apologise. Because (A) it was fully Potter's fault that she suspected something like that from him. If he didn't play pranks all the time, she would, maybe, have a better opinion of him. And (B) Potter had done enough things for which _he_ had to apologise and he had not done either. So they were even now.

"I was thinking about… I mean, as we're Head Boy and Head Girl… Well, I was thinking we should give the first years a tour through Hogwarts."

"Uh, that's a good idea. But listen, can we talk about it later? I have Quidditch training now."

Lily's mood plummeted absolutely. Potter definitely did not deserve an apology from her. "Quidditch, of course, I should've known," she said accusingly. "You know what? You're Head Boy now and that means you have responsibilities. If you rather want to play Quidditch all day long, well, then you can't be Head Boy, it's as easy as that."

"I didn't ask to be Head Boy." Potter quickly ran a hand through his messy hair. "I mean -- I don't mind being Head Boy. Actually, I feel honoured that I was chosen. Yeah. It's just, I'm also in the Quidditch team and I can't just miss training."

"Well, then you have to choose one thing. Quidditch or Head Boy. Obviously you can't have both."

"Why not? Look, Evans, you think you can set all the rules? I'm Head Boy, okay? You're not above me or something like that. You just come here and tell me I can't go to Quidditch training because we have to meet now and discuss things. What if I came to you when you had Ancient Runes? But no, I couldn't simply say, 'Then you have to choose one thing: Either Ancient Runes or our meeting now. If you don't come, you can't be Head Girl any more.' Why's it that you can order me around all the time?"

Lily blushed. Potter had never spoken in such an angry tone to her before. Naturally, he was peeved now because it was about _Quidditch_. To him, it was always only Quidditch, Quidditch, Quidditch... Nevertheless, she could not deny he had a point.

"Very well then," she conceded. "Suggest another time for our meeting."

"Any time's fine. I have all weekend. Just not this afternoon."

"Alright. Tomorrow morning, eight o'clock."

Lily felt satisfied when Potter recoiled slightly but nodded.

xxxxx

The next morning at 7:30 am, Lily regretted her stupid idea. It was ridiculous to get up so early just to get her revenge on Potter. It was Saturday morning, she could have slept three more hours... And she looked terribly sleepy, there was no time to wash her hair...

Feeling angry with her dorm mates, who could still sleep so much longer, angry with Professor Dumbledore for making Potter Head Boy, with herself and, naturally, with Potter, Lily staggered down the staircase into the common room. Surprisingly, Potter was already there.

"I got us something for breakfast." He gestured at a pot of tea, two cups and a plate full of sandwiches on the table in front of him. "So we can start right now."

"Good idea," she had to admit and sat down opposite him.

He poured her a cup of tea and before the situation could get awkward, Lily started talking.

"I really think we should give the new students a tour. Hogwarts is so confusing and so -- big if you're just thrown into the castle the first school day. They need to know where their classrooms are and just how Hogwarts works. All the moving staircases -- it's something really new. And especially for the Muggle-borns, a few things can be quite disturbing. Like ghosts. They don't exist in the Muggle world and it can be a bit scary at first. We should explain it to them."

"That's a good idea. I never thought of that. You see, I grew up with ghosts. So, were the ghosts scary to you when you saw them for the first time?"

Lily busied herself with a sandwich and mumbled, "Obviously."

"Oh. I had no idea. You could've asked me, I would've explained," he said sincerely.

She snorted. "Sure. Why should I ask the person who turned my hair into rat tails the very first day at school?"

"It was an accident, really!"

"So you already told me dozens of times."

"Because it's true. It _really_ was an accident."

Lily rolled her eyes to show that she did not believe a word of it, and took a sip of her tea. She winced when the still hot liquid burnt her tongue.

"Well, can we start now or do we have to waste time discussing things that happened six years ago?" she said more harshly than she had intended.

"It _really_ was an accident, I swear," Potter said again and, in his agitation, smeared marmalade from his sandwich all over his chin.

"Don't get on my nerves, Potter. I don't have all day."

"Right. I thought we could - shit, I forgot to bring the things. Wait, I'm back in a minute." With that, Potter jumped up and jogged up the spiral staircase to the boys' dormitory.

Sighing, Lily leant back in her armchair. If their meetings were always like this, she would never find the time to study (or do anything else for that matter) again. Really, what did the teachers think when they made Potter Head Boy? How was she supposed to efficiently work together with someone like him?

"Okay, I'm back," Potter said cheerfully, pushed several pieces of parchment into Lily's hands and sat down again.

"What's this?"

"I thought we could let the first years do a tour through Hogwarts where they have to solve questions and challenges. It's better if they have to discover everything on their own than if we just give them a tour. Most of them wouldn't listen to us anyway. There have to be prizes of course, so they really try to finish it. I've got it all worked out. We could maybe do it next weekend? They start in the Great Hall, then we give them a parchment with all the tasks they have to do, here --" He rummaged the pile of parchments and finally held up the right one. "They go in groups of four. Like that, it's also a chance for them to get to know each other. So their first task is to go to Greenhouse One and look for their next task. I'm going to bury these notes there --" He held up several more, smaller pieces of parchment. "-- with their next assignment written on it. Group A has to find the hospital wing, Group B has to find the library - ah, no, that was Group D. Wait, Group B has to --"

"Wait a moment," Lily interrupted him. She felt more than a little overwhelmed - she could not believe what she was hearing. "You -- you have planned the whole tour through the whole school?"

"Yeah. It's not perfect yet, I only had last night to work it all out, but I'm going to finish it this afternoon."

"But -- I mean -- honestly --" Lily was lost for words. She would have expected something like this from anyone - but _never_ from James Potter. James Potter was an arrogant troublemaker, not an educator.

"Ah yes, here it is. Group B has to go to the kitchen and bring us a chocolate muffin as a proof," Potter continued with his explanation. "And Group C has to go into the Trophy Room and learn how to sing the Hogwarts School Song. Peter's going to teach it to them. And he's going to take a photo of them while they're singing, so they have something funny to remind them of their first school days later. Of course later, every group has to go to every place and do every assignment. I've got it planned so there will never be two groups at the same place at the same time."

"Makes sense," Lily muttered, still completely flabbergasted, when James showed her everything on a time schedule he had created.

"There are other stations: For example here, in the Charms classroom, Sirius will teach them a useful little trick how to get rid of Peeves. And they have to do a race who arrives first in the Transfiguration classroom. Let's see which group finds out how to use the shortcut. Of course the group who's the fastest will get extra points. I thought you could maybe be in the Potions classroom and teach them how to brew a Wake-Up-Draught. It's easy to do but really useful all the same when they have to stay up late to learn for their exams later. I thought you should do that because you're the best at Potions. Would that be okay?"

"Thanks." Lily blushed deeply when James looked expectantly at her. "Uh, yes. Of course I can do it. That's a very good idea."

Lily was hardly able to follow James' explanation of which group was where at which time and who of his friends would supervise that station.

"... and the last task is to go to the Owlery and sent us a note saying they've finished the tour. The group whose message arrives first is the winner. Here, I got prizes. It's something they have really use for, not just a boring quill or something like that." He pulled four colourful boxes out of his bag and grinned widely at Lily. "Beginner's kits from Zonko's. Standard equipment. Each box is filled with two dungbombs, one fake wand, harmless sneeze powder, hiccough drops in the form of Bertie Bott's Beans, a little bit of Invisible Ink, an Exploding Flobberworm and one Screaming Chocolate Frog."

That brought Lily back down to earth. "Listen, Potter, you can't equip the first years with joking items. You're _Head Boy_."

"But they're going to buy such things anyway. They're going to ask older students to buy it for them in Hogsmeade, or they discover one of the secret passageways."

"By the way, how did you get these things? I'm sure you don't use _beginner's kits_ anymore."

"I bought them."

"Really. When? I thought you planned the whole thing last night? As far as I know, it wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend."

"Well --" Potter gave her a sheepish grin.

"Look, you have to stop with this now," Lily said severely. "You're Head Boy. You have to be a role model."

"No one knows about it."

"I do."

"But you're not going to snitch on me, are you?"

"You're hopeless." Lily sighed ostensibly loudly and hid her face behind a piece of parchment to hide her little smile. She could not bring herself to be seriously angry at Potter as he had put so much work into the tour. Who would have thought that James Potter was really going to fulfill his duties as Head Boy?

"Okay, I'll have to study the schedule again. There were a few things I didn't get. Here for example. You say they have to go to the kitchen. Where? How?"

"What, you mean to say you don't know how to get into the kitchen?" Potter asked in real surprise.

"No. And you do, I take it?"

"Of course. Want me to show you?"

Just in time, Lily could stop herself from saying yes. It would have been like agreeing to go on a date with him!

"No, thank you," she said instead. "By the way, is it _allowed_ to go into the kitchen?"

"Well, it's not explicitly forbidden."

"You can't teach the first years how to break all the school rules."

"But it's not forbidden to --"

"And the station where they're to score goals is nonsense too. First years aren't allowed to fly outside flying lessons."

"I could ask McGonagall for permission. Maybe Madam Hooch can come to supervise them."

"Maybe," Lily acknowledged grudgingly. She looked more closely at the plan that Potter had given her. Several things sounded a bit fishy to her. Why would Potter put so much effort in a tour for the first years? Was he really just interested in helping them get along at Hogwarts? Or was there another motive behind it? Lily scanned the paper again and stopped at _'Sirius teaches them trick to get rid of Peeves_.' _Trick._ A _trick_ taught by _Sirius Black_. That did not sound too good. Certainly the trick was not exactly harmless and legal. Lily checked what the other people were meant to show the first years and finally she registered that it were only friends of Potter, that is: the troublemaker, Quidditch obsessed sort of friends. Remus Lupin for example, one of the few boys she would have partly trusted, was not in on it. What if -

"No, Potter, forget it," she said sharply when she had grasped the enormity of the situation. "You're not going to do that."

"What?" Potter accidentally spilled a bit of his tea.

"You didn't honestly expect me to fall for it, did you?"

"For what?"

"I won't allow it that you play your pranks on the first years. It's sadistic. It's bad enough if you curse everyone else but I won't let you take your pleasure in scaring the little ones off. This --" Lily put the stock of parchments roughly down on the table (into the plate with sandwiches, to be precise). "-- Will. Never. Take. Place."

Potter put down his cup of tea with a loud _clink_. "Excuse me? I worked on it for _hours_. I asked all those people to help me and -- have you any idea how much work it was?"

"Why, for example, doesn't Remus take part in it?"

"He doesn't have time," Potter said stubbornly.

"And what about René Bones?"

"I couldn't find him to ask for his help and, uh, we already are enough people, aren't we?"

"Sure. Right, Potter, this is it then. You can be assured that this was the last time I ever worked together with you. I'm going to give them a tour through Hogwarts alone and you can turn your Head Boy badge into a Snitch or whatever it is you want. Just leave me alone, okay?" Fuming, Lily stood up and strode purposefully towards the girls' dormitories. She tried to hide her disappointment about this ridiculous meeting - such a waste of time!

"Wait! What - ? Lily, wait!" Potter shouted after her, and she really stopped and turned around to face him again. She had no idea why she did it, why she gave him yet another chance. But somehow he had sounded so sincere…

"I don't understand, why are you so angry? What are you talking about?" Potter complained. "What gives you the idea this is a prank? If it's about the task with flying, we can leave it out."

"What gives me the idea this is a prank? Well, maybe because _everything_ you do is pranks, pranks, pranks – and Quidditch, of course."

"That's not true. This is not a prank. I mean -- it really isn't."

He sounded sincere and he wore that innocent expression of his (which made every alarm bell ring in Lily's head). She had no idea if she could trust him or not. Trust James Potter: That in itself was suicidal. But she had to admit the idea of the tour was not that bad.

"Alright then," she finally conceded. "We will do the tour. But only under two conditions: I'm going to change a few of those task and I'm also going to find other people to help us." Without waiting for his agreement, she collected all the pieces of parchment and, with a curt nod in Potter's direction, took them into her dormitory where they were safe.


	9. A Deranged Mind

**Chapter 9**

**A Deranged Mind**

The tour through Hogwarts for the first years had been a great success. All of them had participated with great enthusiasm (because a beginner's kit from Zonko's _was_ a better prize than a boring quill... although Lily hated to admit it even to herself). There had been minor unwanted incidents: One group had spent more than an hour in Greenhouse One (because Potter had buried the box with their next assignment too deep in the earth) and had accidentally destroyed a valuable Venomous Tentacula. Potter had not been entirely true to his word and he and Black _had_ played a prank on the first years: cold slimy hands that hung down from the dungeons' ceiling and pinched the young students' noses. But at least it had only been _one_ prank. And it had not caused any harm apart from panicky screams and one student bumping his head.

Broomsticks had been broken during the Quidditch task, three portraits had fallen down during a race, the Potions classroom was a right mess, a valuable medal from the Trophy Room had disappeared… Nevertheless, it _had_ been a success. Most teachers had congratulated them on this wonderful idea to arrange a sort of scavenger hunt through the castle and quite a few of the older students had watched the whole game with envy because they would have liked to participate, too.

Several students had ended up in the hospital wing. Either because they had fallen from a broom during the Quidditch task, or because they had gotten burns while trying to brew a potion or because they had fallen down a staircase during a race. Nevertheless, everyone had had fun. And those who had been injured even got a special surprise because, in the hospital wing, there were two _boys_ kissing each other (and one of them was _very_ handsome, as several first year girls confirmed).

So, apart from cleaning up the mess that the tour had caused throughout the castle, Lily now also had to explain to some of the first years what homosexuality was. It was a long and exhausting day. When, late in the evening, she and Potter tidied up the greenhouse and charmed the Venomous Tentacula to conceal the damage, she did not even muster up the energy to sound angry.

"You said you wouldn't play a prank."

"I wasn't going to play a prank, I never even had the idea until you suggested it," Potter replied and held his hands, which were dirty with earth and dragon dung, into a little fountain to wash them.

"_I _suggested it? Never." She stepped next to him to wash her hands too, careful not to brush his hands.

"Well, not directly. But you mentioned it and that gave me the idea that a little prank is perfect for a tour through Hogwarts. It's like a ghost train, you know?"

Lily chuckled. "And people _pay_ for riding a ghost train. Here they get it for free."

"Exactly," Potter said delightedly and smiled widely at her.

Tentatively, she smiled back. It was her apology for suspecting him wrongly: She took a more relaxed view on the prank now.

"You have still, uh, dirt on your nose," Potter said and slowly lifted one hand.

Lily quickly wiped it away and put on a cheerful smile. "Okay, better now?" she asked casually. But she was well aware of the heat in her cheeks.

"Yes."

"Good. Let's go back into the castle then."

On their whole way back inside, none of them said a word. It was strange that Potter, who usually had such a big mouth, was suddenly so silent. _Is it because I'm so boring that he doesn't know what to talk about to me?_ Lily wondered in one of her oddest moments.

"I'm starving," Potter finally said something when they had passed the Great Hall. "I'm going down to the kitchen to eat something. Want to come?"

"Actually, I don't have time," Lily replied and she did not even know why she refused. "I promised Lucia to help her with the Potions essay." Yes, she had promised Lucia to help her but it could still wait until tomorrow.

"Ah." Potter grinned swiftly. "You really have a long day, don't you? Do you want to become a teacher later?"

"No, I don't think so. I want to become a Curse-Breaker."

"Oh." Potter eyed her with respect. "Sounds interesting."

"Yes. Well, I suppose I don't have to ask you what you want to do after Hogwarts. It's more likely that Flobberworms start speaking than that you won't become a Quidditch player."

"Well, teach them to speak then. I want to become an Auror."

"Really?" Now it was her turn to look at him with a new sort of respect.

"Yeah." Potter ran a hand through his dirty hair and readjusted his glasses.

"Well, I... have to go now," Lily said before the pause in their conversation could become too awkward. "Lucia's waiting."

"Right. See you."

"Yes. Bye."

When Lily walked back towards Gryffindor Tower, she wondered all the time, _Why did I say no? What is so bad about going to the kitchen with him for a butterbeer and something to eat?_

xxxxx

Today was a good day. The aftereffects of Remus' transformation had worn off, he was fully awake and none of his limbs hurt anymore. Furthermore, this morning they had nothing but a double period Charms, Remus' favourite subject, and next weekend was a Hogsmeade weekend. The most important thing, however, was that there were more than three full-moon-less weeks ahead of him.

That was why he took James', Chris' and Alex' spiteful comments about his new haircut with stride. It had not been Remus' choice to have a new haircut. Some of his dorm mates (probably James) must have placed the sticky fake spider on his pillow and, as he had been too tired to notice it after his transformation, he had slept more than twelve hours on it. Of course it had become entangled in his hair and he had not had another choice but to cut off huge amounts of hair to get rid of the spider. Now the hair on his left side was extremely short while it had still its normal length on his right side. Sirius had offered to shorten the hair on his right side too but Remus had refused. He knew it would become too short, then you had to shorten the hair on the left side again, which would become too short, _too_, and so on. And a strange haircut was still better than no hair at all.

All in all, it was just another normal morning with Sirius making stupid comments about _everything_ in the Daily Prophet and Peter trying to gather the last sausages by using subtle Summoning Charms if the students were engaged in a conversation and did not pay attention to their plates. James was in a foul mood because he had just had a fight with Lily. No one knew what they had argued about and no one was really interested to listen to James complaining because _everyone_ knew that Lily and James _always_ argued about _everything_. And if there was nothing to argue about, they would do everything to find something to argue about.

So James' foul mood made him tease Remus for acting like a girl (and therefore being a 'ponce'... Well, it was nothing new anymore) when Remus examined the image of his distorted face in a spoon and tried to smoothen his hair to look less eccentric. Sirius retorted something about knowing a certain other person who was very obsessed with his hair, especially when a certain redheaded girl was around... It really was just another normal morning. Chris McKinnon asked Remus if he could copy his homework for Charms (which Remus of course let him do because otherwise everyone would call him a 'nerd') and moments later muttered to the people sitting next to him how Remus was such a 'nerd' because he had done his homework. Sirius and a few Slytherins exchanged rude hand gestures, Lily scolded him for being so 'childish', Sirius threatened her with shooting scrambled eggs at her, Lily threatened him with taking points from Gryffindor, James was torn between his best friend and the love of his life...

Yes, that was an ordinary morning at Hogwarts in the life of Remus Lupin. If he had known what was going to come, he would have enjoyed his time more, would have looked around the Great Hall and made an effort to commit every detail to memory instead of staring into a stupid spoon to contemplate his stupid haircut, wondering how long it would take for people to grow tired of teasing him for it. Knowing James, he was sure it could take a very long time. James showed surprising patience if it came to mocking Remus. Remus had no idea what he had done to deserve James' wrath. He had tried everything to make James like him but the harder he tried, the more James teased him. Sometimes the teasing was almost friendly, as if it was the banter between two people who had known each other for a too long time, but then again came accusations which were not ironic at all but really hurtful.

But Remus quickly forgot racking his brain about James' complicated behaviour because a huge black owl dropped a letter into Sirius' porridge: a dark red letter. Sirius winced and put the Daily Prophet down with shaking hands.

Peter gave him a sympathetic look, Remus edged a bit closer to him and James said quietly, "Open it."

Sirius grimaced and took the envelope with pretence casualty. "I thought they'd given up on me. It's been quite a while that I got the last Howler. Well, what can I say, I almost missed those lovely letters. Okay, everyone, hands over your ears." And with that, Sirius ripped the envelope open.

Immediately, Mrs. Black's shrieks resonated throughout the Great Hall. Remus still remembered that voice well: Mrs. Black had already humiliated him and Sirius by letting the whole school knew what dirty faggots they were for being homosexual.

"SIRIUS BLACK!

I HATE THAT I HAVE TO CALL YOU THAT! I HATE TO KNOW THAT EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ARE MY SON! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF CARRYING THE NOBLE NAME OF BLACK, SHAME OF MY FLESH! HAVE YOU NOT CAUSED ENOUGH HARM AND BROUGHT ENOUGH SHAME TO YOUR FORMER FAMILY?! IT WAS BAD ENOUGH TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE A DIRTY PERVERT WHO KISSES HALF-BLOOD _BOYS_ - BUT TO FIND OUT THAT YOUR FRIEND IS A _WEREWOLF_! I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW LOW YOU HAVE STOOPED! ASSOCIATING WITH SUCH HALF-BREED SCUM! IT IS UNBELIEVABLE THAT SUCH FILTHY CREATURES ARE EVEN ALLOWED AT A WIZARDING SCHOOL! YOUR FATHER WILL MAKE SURE TO SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL GOVERNORS TO HAVE THAT STAIN OF DIRT REMOVED FROM HOGWARTS! AND YOU - YOU SHOULD BE PUT IN A BOOT CAMP TO SWITCH YOUR DERANGED MIND BACK TO NORMAL!"

Remus had stopped breathing. His heart must have also stopped beating. It felt like he was falling, falling, falling, and there was nothing he could do against it. He was completely numb, all his muscles had slackened and his brain had stopped functioning - there was just a blank, deep hole.

He was dimly aware that people were staring at him. Dozens, no: _hundreds_ of eyes. To him, they were like empty sockets of mummies. Hard. Cold. Impassive. Someone pulled his arm but he did not move for a millimetre. He himself was like a mummy - he felt petrified. Everyone was talking but all he could hear was a dull rushing, a cacophony of indiscernible voices, like a hive of angry bees. All coming for him, going to attack him... But there was one voice between the rushing, one voice which was loud and clear and somehow managed to break through Remus' petrifaction.

"Why're you looking at _him_? What's he got to do with it?"

Remus blinked a few times. Still dizzy with shock, he slowly looked up to see James, who had stood up, addressing everyone in the Great Hall.

"He didn't even know I was a werewolf until now," James continued, and Remus was sure he had misunderstood something in his barely conscious state. It was like a gigantic wave swept through the Great Hall when all heads turned from Remus to James in one big movement.

"What?" James said unperturbedly. "Of course it's me, what did you think? Did the old Hag say something about Sirius screwing a werewolf? No, she said his _friend_'s a werewolf. Well, and that would be me, right? Got it?"

No one was interested in Remus anymore. No hateful, shocked or surprised glances glued at him. No accusations thrown at him. No, James got it all. He did not seem to mind much, though.

"Right, now that's cleared up," James said casually and sat down again, "I need something to eat. Peter, give me your sausages, you've had enough. Sirius, give me some ham. And you over there with that strange hat," he addressed a young boy sitting farther down the table, "will you hand me the ketchup, please?"

The young boy paled considerably, then scrambled up, almost tripped over his long cloak, and left the Great Hall in a hurry. He had started a commotion that spread like fire. The people sitting closest to James edged away from him and others followed the young boy's example and stood up to sit somewhere else or leave altogether.

"James," Remus finally managed to get his numb tongue to work.

"Yes, I understand this must be quite a shock to you, Lupin," James cut in. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. It's just that people react so badly to it and I didn't want you to hate me. -- Oh, for heaven's sake, will someone finally pass me the ketchup?" he said in exasperation and when nobody did it, he took his wand out (causing a collective gasp and heads to retreat) and Summoned it to him. Ignoring the muttered "half-breed"s from the Slytherin table and the stunned silence from the Gryffindor table, James put a large portion of ketchup on his meal.

"Why're you doing...this?" Remus asked weakly.

"'Cause I like ketchup with my meal," James said and squeezed half the bottle on his sausages and ham. "I'm hungry. I didn't get any flesh last full moon." Without further explanation, James began shoving his food in his mouth. He was eating with an incredible speed as if he would not get anything else for the rest of the month; half of the food dropped from his fork because he took such huge bites, and ketchup dribbled down his chin.

Remus opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again because he could not think of anything, then opened his mouth again because he _had_ to say _something_, right? However, he never came to say whatever he had wanted to say because that moment James fell backwards with a yelp. Sirius had his wand in his hand in no time at all, jumped over the table and turned to skim the Slytherin table for the one who had fired the curse. Remus and Peter rushed to James' side. He was lying on the floor, muttering very rude swearwords and rubbing the back of his head.

"Let me see," Remus said worriedly and extended a hand towards James but James slapped it away.

"Don't touch me, you gay werewolf... - hating... werewolf-hater."

Helpless, Remus stared at the back of James' head, out of which sprouted enormous warts covered in fur.

"I know who did that," Sirius growled. "Where is he, the little cowardly fucker?" Like a predator, he moved over towards the Slytherin table.

"Put your wand down, Mr. Black," a calm but authoritative voice suddenly spoke up.

Sirius whirled around and glared at Dumbledore, who had come up behind him. "He cursed James from behind!"

"Yes, and it is a very uncivilised thing to do but exacting revenge will not help your friend."

"But --"

"I said cursing the attacker will not help your friend," Dumbledore repeated and eyed Sirius sharply through his half-moon glasses.

"Right." Still breathing heavily, Sirius knelt down next to James, too. "What happened to him? Can you make it go away?"

"Let's see." Dumbledore lightly tipped his wand at James' head and the fur-covered warts disappeared at once.

James ran a hand over his head and sighed in relief. "Thanks, Professor. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I undermined your school. Of course I can't be Head Boy now anymore." He removed the badge from his cloak and offered it to Dumbledore.

"Why can't he be Head Boy anymore?"

Everyone turned around to see Lily, who had just stood up from the table. Her voice wavered a bit when she spoke in such a tone to Dumbledore but her expression was fierce.

"Just because he's a werewolf? He's a fine Head Boy and I can't believe you'd take the badge from him just for that reason!"

"Now, now, Miss Evans, no need to worry," Dumbledore calmed her down. "I do not intend to take the badge from him. No, Mr. Potter, you will stay Head Boy. As Miss Evans rightly pointed out: Your condition is no reason to stop you from being Head Boy. I'm sure Miss Evans can handle the one day a month when you're not there to assist her."

"That won't be a problem, Professor," Lily assured him.

Remus felt thoroughly confused. Why did Professor Dumbledore play along with it? _What was going on?!_

"And now, Mr. Black, Pettigrew and Lupin: Please escort Mr. Potter to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey is much better at healing the damage caused by curses than I. I'd feel better if she checked your head again. Miss Evans, please help us teachers calm everyone down here."

Dumbfounded, Remus followed Sirius, James and Peter out of the Great Hall and towards the hospital wing.

"She said I was a fine Head Boy," James said and let out a giddy chuckle.

"James," Remus began tentatively.

"Can you believe it, the way she stood up for me?"

"James," Sirius started.

"It was like all the times she defended Snape when I hexed him. D'you reckon she fancies me?"

"James," Remus said again.

"Well, of course she never fancied Snape, so it's not really --"

"_James_!" Sirius, Peter and Remus shouted together.

James threw them a brief glance. "Yeah, I know what you want to say, and I have no idea why. -- But it means she doesn't hate me, right? Well, of course it could only be her sense of justice -- but she said I was a fine Head Boy. That means she respects me at least."

"James, why, in the name of Merlin, did you pretend you're the werewolf?" Remus asked him directly.

"I already told you: I have no idea why."

"But --" Lost for words, Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. Nothing of it made sense. He looked around at Sirius and Peter, who wore identical expressions of cluelessness. "Er, could I have a word with you in private?" he asked James and pulled him behind an alcove.

"Now, what is this about?" James asked once they were alone. "Going to snog me? Sorry, but I'm definitely not a poof. If you thought that I said I was the werewolf because I love you so much and wanted to save you from all the trouble, I have to disappoint you because that's certainly not the case."

"Nonsense, you know full well that Sirius and I are --"

"Ah yes, I should've known you're not the adventurous kind of guy 'cause you're all well-behaved and thus naturally loyal to your almost husband," James teased him once again.

Remus suppressed a loud groan. "Can we get to the point now? Again, tell me why you did it. Something must've made you say it."

"It was the perfect opportunity, wasn't it?" James said casually. "She really only said 'friend' instead of 'faggot'. I always thought werewolves were cool, so now I can at least pretend I'm one."

"You want to be a werewolf." The statement sounded so ridiculous that Remus could not help but laugh hysterically. "All you had to do was ask. I could've bitten you."

There was a moment's silence from James, then he said, "This is a joke, right?"

This time, Remus could not suppress his groan any longer. "Of course it is. But it wasn't funny, was it? No, of course it wasn't... I'd spend the rest of my life in Askaban if I bit you, do you know that?"

"Even if I asked you to bite me?"

"They'd say I blackmailed you."

"And if I could prove that I asked you to do it?" James kept prying.

"Your testimony wouldn't really count seeing that you'd be a werewolf by that time, too," Remus said bitterly.

"That's crazy. Werewolf Law, huh?"

Remus angrily bit his lip. "That's rubbish. The point is simply that werewolves aren't considered trustworthy."

"It was a joke, Lupin." James rolled his eyes. "Really, you're really paranoid sometimes."

"Why? Because I expect you to be serious for once in your life?"

"I'm not Sirius, I'm James."

"Exactly." Remus briefly closed his eyes and leant back against the wall. Talking to James could be really exhausting. "I guess there's no point in continuing this discussion. I take it you simply thought pretending to be a werewolf was another brilliant joke."

"That's it." James grinned widely at him. "Took you long enough to figure it out."

"You're mad. You're deranged. I mean -- you're completely mental."

"Wow, Lupin. I'm impressed. I didn't think you had it in you to be so insulting. I always thought you were the goody teacher's pet. Ah, well, more like the teacher's cub, eh?"

Then Remus really gave up. It was absolutely useless to try to talk reasonably to James Potter.


	10. Understanding

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait. I had lots of work to do during the last two weeks but now I'm back with more free time at my hands. Thanks to all my lovely reviewers!!

I am thrilled to announce that I have a beta reader now: Applause for Polymnia Glamour, who helped me with this chapter!

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Understanding**

James enjoyed his new role. It was so much more fun than he had ever thought it would be. He only needed to bare his teeth, throw someone a suggestive grin and said someone would run away or (if they were a bit braver) smile nervously and excuse themselves with an implausible justification. The insults he received were rather amusing – up to a point.

John Lee, Gryffindor's Quidditch captain approached him after the end of his lessons. John made sure to keep a safe distance between the two of them and even avoided looking James in the eye.

"Er, Potter. I'm sure you understand that you can't play in our Quidditch team anymore. Er. Yeah. That's what I wanted to tell you. See you." He made to leave but James called him back.

"Wait a moment! Why can't I be in the team just because I'm a werewolf? What's it got to do with it?"

"Er, well, you would miss training or even important matches when it's the time of the full moon."

"I've never missed any match so far!" James said indignantly. He had a very bad feeling about this. For the first time, the hostile reactions he got did not roll off of him anymore. He felt a strange sort of anger bubbling in his stomach. It was a completely different anger than when Sirius had not told him he was dating a boy, when Filch had made him scrub the toilets (without magic, self-evidently), or when Snape and Lily had spent time together in the library.

"Yeah, but what if the next match is during full moon?"

"Since when do we play at night?"

"Well, the match could always expand into the night if no one catches the Snitch."

It was such a lame sort of argument and that only fuelled James' anger more. "You know what, that's a lot of what-ifs! You won't find a better Chaser at this school! It's ridiculous that you come up with such _ridiculous _ideas why I couldn't be in the team anymore!"

Alarmed, John Lee backed away. "I know there isn't a better Chaser but you simply can't be in the team. I mean, we're Gryffindors, right? If you were in Slytherin, things would be different, maybe."

"Why?"

"Er, because with their image, they could have a -- er, someone like you in their team. But we're _Gryffindors_. It doesn't work here."

James' mouth fell open. He was speechless in face of such ignorance and stupidity. He was so stunned that he could not come up with reasonable arguments like, "_In case you haven't noticed: I was sorted in Gryffindor, too_" or, "_Who cares who or what I am as long as I score dozens of goals?_" but all that came out of his mouth was a tirade of very rude swearwords. When he drew his wand, John Lee had disappeared more quickly than he had ever been when trying to catch the Snitch. James released his frustration on a suit of armor instead. The clattering sounds of the sword and helmet were very satisfactory, though only for a short time. Exhausted, he slid down with his back to the wall and stared gloomily at the discarded helmet in front of him on the floor. He had to admit he had got more than he had bargained for. Things were really complicated as a werewolf, and although he had known werewolves had to face many prejudices (after all, he had read several books on werewolves recently), he had never expected it to be this bad.

"James?"

James did not realise who the person was that had addressed him. This voice pronouncing his first name was a very rare combination. His heart leapt when he saw Lily, who stood in front of him and looked worriedly down at him. He quickly jumped to his feet (because he must surely look pathetic sitting here like a little frightened child) and made sure that his glasses and hair were in order.

"Hi Evans!" he greeted her a bit too enthusiastically.

"Hi," she replied distractedly. "I..." She bit her lip and smiled in an unusual state of nervousness. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. You --" Finally she looked up at him and she regarded him with a glance like never before. "You could have told me. You could have trusted me with it. I would never have hated you."

"You would never have hated me?" James repeated, hardly believing his luck. Okay, there was still a long way between not hating and loving but it was a start, right?

Lily chuckled softly. "Not for the fact that you're a werewolf anyway."

"Oh." James felt a tad disappointed when he understood what it was all about.

"I – I mean, I don't hate you for any other reasons either. I -- well, don't hate you. Not at all."

"That's good to know." James was amused at Lily's choice of words and at the same time excited because of the meaning behind them.

"You weren't at the Quidditch Academy last year, were you?" Lily watched him with such concern that James started squirming under her examination. "It happened then, didn't it? You were bitten then, weren't you?"

"Uh..." _Dear Merlin, she's got some imagination. I need to make up a good story how I was bitten and all if I want to play my role believably. _"I don't want to talk about it," James mumbled. It was the best answer for now. He hated to think that he would lie to Lily about so many things but he _had_ to do it.

"I understand," Lily said quickly and blushed a deep shade of red. "Of course you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I understand, of course I do. It must be really painful remembering it. I'm sorry I brought it up. It was really insensitive of me."

"That's alright," James reassured her and he felt his head getting red too because this was turning into a more and more awkward situation.

"I'm really sorry. But if you ever feel like talking about it... If you need someone to listen... you can always ask me, okay?"

"Uh..." Truth be told, Lily would be the last person he would consider if he was met with the choice whom to trust with his problems. Couldn't she have asked him for a date in Hogsmeade or for a trip to the kitchens together? Why did she want to discuss his problems with him? Merlin's Beard, he would rather study for History of Magic together with her than doing that. But turning her down seemed rude. After all, she only wanted to help. And that in itself was truly incredible. After more than six years, Lily Evans finally wanted to get closer to James Potter!

"Uh, thanks," James told her with a lopsided grin. "That's really nice of you."

"What else did you expect me to do?" Lily retorted indignantly. "Tormenting you for it like all the other idiots do? Really, do you think so low of me?"

"That's not what I meant," James said quickly. _Crap_, he always seemed to say the wrong things around Lily. "Sorry for saying that. I'm just a bit -- confused with all the things that happened today."

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry, I understand," Lily replied quickly.

_This is getting ridiculous_, James thought uneasily. _I wish she'd stop saying 'I'm sorry' and 'I understand.'_

"That must be really hard for you," Lily told him, again with her overly concerned expression.

James cleared his throat and, while staring at his shuffling feet, said, "Yeah, sometimes it is, I guess." He cleared his throat again and then, before he could stop himself, the words were out of his mouth. "They threw me out of the Quidditch team."

Lily inhaled sharply. "Who?"

"John Lee, the captain."

"I can't believe it! I always knew he was an idiot but I never thought he was such a - such a cowardly toerag! I'm going to speak to him, you can be sure of that! I'm Head Girl, I can threaten him with deducting five-hundred points from Gryffindor!"

"Ah, no, don't do that, please. I want Gryffindor to win the House Cup at my final year at this school," James tried to ease the situation with a little joke. Inside, he was cheering. Lily's words had made the angry bubble inside his stomach go away and had replaced it by a bubble of tingling warmth that made him want to bounce through the corridors like a maniac chocolate frog.

"Okay." Lily grinned at him, and didn't her eyes look simply amazing when they squinted like this! "But if he doesn't change his mind really soon and apologises to you, I'm going to go straight to Professor Dumbledore."

"Please, that's not necessary." James had no idea why Dumbledore had played along with his pretending to be the werewolf. In any case, he (and Remus, too!) could be lucky Dumbledore had not thwarted their game, and James did not want to push his luck.

"See, I understand you don't want pity --"

_Here we go again_, James thought.

"-- but it's simply not right how they treat you. You mustn't let them get you down."

"Why do you want to help me anyway?" James asked the question that had constantly been on his mind ever since Lily had addressed him by his first name. "I mean, you never seemed particularly interested in, uh, helping me before."

"I..." Lily turned deep red again. "I might have... misjudged you. I jumped to conclusions about you because you cause so much trouble but now I understand why you act the way you do. It all makes sense now."

"Er, does it?" James asked uneasily. He did not like the direction this conversation was taking.

"It must be really hard to be a werewolf and to have to hide all the time, and then of course you try to be --"

"But it has nothing to do with being a werewolf!" James panicky interrupted her."Nothing ever had anything to do with me being a werewolf! It doesn't change anything about me! I'm only me: James Potter and, okay, once a month I turn into a werewolf but aside from that, it doesn't change me! You've always only seen me, it never had anything to do with the werewolf!"

"I know what you mean, James," Lily said softly, and James wanted to scream, _No, you don't know anything, and if you say 'I understand' one more time, I'm going to freak out!_ But then Lily did something so unexpected that James forgot everything else: She hugged him.

James' breath caught in his throat and he could feel sweat pouring out of his every pore of his body. Dear Merlin, what was he supposed to do? Hug her back? Where should he put his arms and hands? And what - ? And why - ? And – oh help! But then the hug was already over and there was a safe distance between them.

"Well, see you, then," James said in a really odd voice because his throat was so dry. He quickly hurried off because he knew his cheeks must be hopelessly flushed and that was just _too embarrassing_!

To sum it up: His current situation was hilarious, frustrating and highly embarrassing. But it all paled beside the hug. It was just too much. Late at night, he was still awake with giddiness. A stupid grin on his face, he was staring at the ceiling and fantasising over more hugs – times when he would have the nerve to hug her back.

Suddenly, there was the rustling of the curtains and then Sirius' whispered voice, "Heh, James. How about a trip to the kitchen?"

James was indignant at first because Sirius had disturbed his Lily-fantasies but then he went along nonetheless as he was a bit hungry, too, and could not sleep anyway. He knew there was something Sirius wanted to discuss with him. He could tell by the way Sirius was silent during the whole walk to the kitchen. He did not address it until the house-elves had brought them plates laden with food, and the two of them had made themselves comfortable on one of the long tables.

"Well?" James said between mouthfuls of treacle tart.

"So you're going to continue pretending to be a werewolf?" Sirius said skeptically.

"Sure. I can't just back down now, can I?"

"Yeah... It's going to be difficult, you know?"

"Yes. John Lee already kicked me out of the Quidditch team."

Sirius looked slightly worried now and slowly put down his goblet of butterbeer. "What're you going to do about it?"

"Evans said she'd talk to him and make him change his mind." Sirius threw him a surprised glance and James blushed so deeply that even his ears felt heated.

"You talked to her about it then?"

"Sort of."

"So she thinks you're a werewolf, too, or --?"

"Er, yes. She thinks I'm a werewolf."

"Mm."

"I don't really like this. That I have to lie to everyone."

"But you want to go through with this, don't you?"

"Yes, yes."

Sirius thoughtfully sipped on his goblet. "Why?" he finally asked. "Why'd you do all of --" He spread his arms wide and spilled a bit of butterbeer. "-- this?"

"Uh, you see, people would really pick on Lupin if they found out," James said uncomfortably.

"Yeah, but they also pick on you."

"But it's not as bad, I suppose. I'm Head Boy and I'm - I _was_ - on the Quidditch team. I'm popular, people like me, I'm a good prankster --"

Sirius rolled his eyes and laughed. "Oh yes, and you're intelligent, funny, good-looking, talented at everything -- Any good traits I forgot?"

"That's not it," James said impatiently. "The thing is, Lupin's nothing of that --"

"For heaven's sake, James, don't start with that dragonshit again --"

"I'm sorry to say so, but it's the truth! You can't deny that I have more friends than Lupin and that I'm more popular."

"So what? It's not really that important to be popular, is it?"

"Yes, it is. Just imagine: Being liked by people is nicer than being bullied by them."

"You know what, James? I don't care. I don't give a damn about popularity. And I don't give a damn if I or my friends are popular or not."

"Easy of you to say. It's not as if you've ever been bullied or anything." Although James had never been bullied, he knew what it was like to be without friends. The experiences at the Quidditch Academy had taught him that. He certainly preferred being at Hogwarts where he had many friends and was liked by most people.

"No?" Sirius laughed humourlessly. "Oh, just let me think. Maybe I got a few howlers? Oh yes, and it might be that some people have called me a faggot?"

"Sure, but I suppose there've been more people who called Lupin a faggot, right?"

"Maybe," Sirius conceded. "But that's because those idiots didn't like him in the first place anyway and were only looking for another reason to bully him."

"Wow, you finally got it. You see, you can say all the time that you don't care about popularity but there are enough people who do care and they can make you feel bad and they really don't need another reason to bully Lupin."

"I thought you hated him."

"Nah, I never said I hated him. He just gets on my nerves sometimes... always. But I don't hate him."

xxxxx

1There were advantages of being a werewolf. Sure, most people avoided James, spat at his feet or called him names. But one thing made up for all of it: Lily Evans sat demonstratively next to him in every lesson, at meals or in the common room. Although it often made James feel highly embarrassed if she lectured people who insulted him, he loved her even more for it.

James should have known things could not be so easy. Three days after that fateful howler, his own face stared back at him from the front page of the _Daily Prophet_. The photograph was captioned with "WEREWOLF AT HOGWARTS."

"Oh no," Peter whispered next to him. His spoon clattered down. That got Lily's attention. She gasped and grabbed the newspaper.

"Please tell me this isn't --" She almost choked on her sandwich. "I can't believe they're writing this! This is just – What do they think they're doing?! Isn't it bad enough for someone to turn into a werewolf? Do they have to tell it to the whole world so everyone makes life for werewolves even harder? Those journalists – I can't believe it! They're so – so – irresponsible!"

James gulped. He felt that things were getting out of hands here. He caught Lupin's glance, who looked very pale as if he was going to throw up any minute.

"Wow, James, you're famous now," Sirius made a rather desperate attempt of lighting the mood up.

"Yes, let them all know. I'm a werewolf and proud of it," James went along with the bad joke.

"They'll come here to take photos of you in your wolf form," Sirius continued.

"I've always dreamed of becoming a model."

At first, nothing really changed. The whole school had known he was a werewolf already before. Their treatment of him even got a little bit better because most people had gotten over the initial shock and some had even grown used to it. But the fact that his photograph had made it on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_ showed James the seriousness of the situation.

Thus he called a Marauder Meeting. He, Sirius, Peter and Lupin met in the secret passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor to discuss further arrangements.

"So, Lupin, you need to give me some more details about a werewolf life. You've said you're like a completely normal human every time but at full moon. That shouldn't be a problem for me, I sure can pretend to be human. But what's the transformation like?" James directed the light of his wand tip at Lupin's face to see him grimace.

"Painful."

"Yes, I know, but how does it feel to be a werewolf?"

"Idiotic."

"Come on, if this is going to work, I need a bit more information than just one-word-answers," James said impatiently.

"James, drop it," Sirius intervened. "I've already told you to read _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_. Then you'll understand everything. Transformations are described in detail there."

"And I've already told you: I won't read such trash novels."

"I agree with James on this one," Lupin said. "It may be a good read but it won't really help to gain a fundamental understanding of werewolves."

"It helped _me_ understand," Sirius insisted.

"That was a different case," Lupin said tersely and Sirius finally kept quiet. "Well," he turned to James again, "what you need to know is..." And then he explained everything about the transformation, the Shrieking Shack and the after-effects to James. Nothing of it was really news to him but it made him worry all the more to hear that Remus usually stayed one or two days in the hospital wing and was covered in bruises.

"Right," James said quietly. "Now we have a problem: Regulus and that Malfoy girl are still trying to tell everyone it's you. If you miss the days around the full moon, they'll have proof."

Lupin nodded gloomily. "I know. But it's not as if there's anything I can do about it. I can hardly stay in the castle during full moon, can I?"

There was a despondent silence. James desperately racked his brain. There _had_ to be a solution. How silly that something as banal as a full moon would get in their way!

"Well, the truth had to come out eventually," Lupin said, trying to sound unperturbed. "Thanks for everything until now, James."

"Wait, wait, wait!" James stopped him. "You can't just give up like this! Really, just giving up... We can find a way, I know we can. We're the Marauders, right?" Lupin looked sceptical, so did Sirius. Only Peter had his face scrunched up in deep thought.

"James just has to disappear at full moon, too," Peter finally said. "We can patch him up with lots of bandages so it looks convincing. And then we'll just have to think of a good excuse why Remus is away. You could say that your Mum is ill and that's why you have to go home."

"No one's going to buy that," Sirius said, and even Peter had to agree.

Another silence followed, which was unexpectedly broken by a little creak followed by a whispered curse. The noise came from behind James. He whirled around and cried: "_Stupefy!_"

But his voice was not the only one. All three other boys had brandished their wands, too, and fired spells at the possible intruder. It might have been just a rat but you could never be sure. The loud _thud_ that followed indicated someone or something much larger. James directed his wand light at the floor. All of them gasped when they saw a young girl lying motionless there. James did not recognise her but Sirius seemed to know her because he uttered some swearwords and rushed to her side. Judging from the colour of her school uniform, she was a Ravenclaw student. James cursed inwardly. Ravenclaw, the smart ones. It was even worse if one of that House had overheard them.

Meanwhile, Lupin had knelt down next to the girl, too, and tried to use the _Reenervate_ spell on her in order to wake her up. Nothing whatsoever happened.

"What spells did you use?" Sirius asked softly, dreading the answer.

"_Stupefy_," said James.

"Yeah, me too," said Sirius.

"I used _Protego_," Peter added.

"And I tried to disarm her," Lupin concluded. "Damn."

"Who is she anyway?" James asked. "And how much did she hear?"

"That's not really important now," Sirius said hotly. "Fuck, James, so many spells put together can cause serious harm."

"Do you reckon we should bring her to Madam Pomfrey?" Peter suggested worriedly. "Or is it too dangerous because she'd give Remus' secret away?"

"Madam Pomfrey knows I'm a werewolf anyway," Remus said. "And even if she didn't, it's not worth risking Hestia's well-being."

Sirius gathered the girl - Hestia - in his arms and carried her through the secret passageway. The other boys followed apprehensively. Suddenly, Hestia coughed and spluttered noisily. Sirius almost dropped her in his shock.

"What -- how --?" she mumbled and got another coughing fit.

Sirius put her down again. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

She blinked a few times and stared at the four boys looking down at her.

"Yeah, I -- I think I am." She carefully sat up. "Sorry for, ah, hiding in the dark. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just came by and then I didn't know what to do, and I really had no other choice..."

"Sorry for cursing you," Sirius said. "We didn't know it was you."

"How much did you hear?" James asked tensely.

"I, um, heard that you aren't really a werewolf but Remus is, and that you didn't know how to pretend he's not a werewolf."

James groaned.

"Well, at least your memory didn't suffer from our attack," Lupin said dryly.

James had silently hoped that she wouldn't remember that specific detail. "You'd better not tell anyone," he said lightly but with an underlying threat in his voice.

"James," Remus said imploringly. "That won't help."

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," Hestia promised. "I'm on your side. I'm not against werewolves."

James snorted. "That's good to know, seeing that I am one."

She grinned hesitantly. "Okay. You're the werewolf. That's alright with me." She stood up to leave.

"Oh, and _if_ you decide to tell anyone, you'll be in trouble, okay?" James called after her.

Lupin rolled his eyes. "She won't tell anyone, I'm sure of it. And besides, I don't want to _force_ people to keep quiet."

"Bye then," Hestia mumbled and quickly hurried away. She was probably worried that James would change his mind and put a Memory Charm on her or something like that.

* * *

**Author's Note**: I know, a pretty sudden ending. But otherwise the chapter would've gotten too long.

I've decided to change the rating for this story due to some scenes of a sexual nature that are soon to come. Although I don't plan to get too graphic, it's maybe not okay for a T rating anymore. Anyway, I'd rather be on the safe side with the rating.

Thanks for reading - until next time!


	11. Getting Bloody

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, special thanks to my lovely beta reader Polymnia Glamour. As I said before, I've decided to change the rating now. There's already a bit of some mature content in this chapter - no, not overly graphic sex - but if you're uneasy with sexual content, you should proceed with caution.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Getting Bloody**

Sirius was worried, always worried. He worried about James, who was really in a hell of a situation. He suspected that James had received a horrible letter today, possibly from an enraged reader of the _Daily Prophet_. James had not told anyone who the letter was from and what was written in there. He had just gulped when he had read it and then had hastily pocketed it. But Sirius was just as worried that people would find out the truth. Because then Remus would be in the same situation as James was now. The absurdity of the situation was enormous. On the one hand, Sirius wanted people to find out the truth so James would not be in trouble anymore but on the other, he did not want them to find out because then Remus would be in trouble.

And then even Professor Ötzli decided to discuss werewolves in Defence Against the Dark Arts. Maybe their teacher had hoped to calm everyone down and get to the facts to stifle all the rumours that were running high around the school. There were really the most ridiculous rumours: Some people claimed James had bitten Lily and turned her into a werewolf, too, and that was why she suddenly seemed to be friends with him. Others actually thought Professor Dumbledore wanted to spread lycanthropy and thus allowed werewolves at his school. Then of course there were the people who thought werewolves were unusually aggressive and even dangerous in their human form. James found Sickles on his chair or desk on a daily basis. Remus had joked that he should probably inform everyone who really was the werewolf so he would get all the money. But of course they all knew that James deserved the money for what he was going through.

Whatever Professor Ötzli's original intention had been to discuss werewolves in class - it backfired completely. Only five minutes had passed (in which they had covered the basic facts: things everyone knew already, like what werewolves were and how you could become one) when things got out of hands.

It was Snape who started it all. Sure, that slimeball would exploit this situation and torment James. Sirius felt the strongest urge to strangle the Slytherin when he asked innocently, "Professor, shouldn't we learn how to defend ourselves against werewolves? After all, this is _Defence_ Against the _Dark_ Arts, so we should be prepared on how to, ah, eliminate werewolves."

A vicious tremble ran through Remus' body. He had been tense ever since Professor Ötzli had announced they would discuss werewolves today but so far he had pretended to listen dutifully and take notes. Now, however, he grabbed his quill so hard that Sirius was sure it would snap any minute. He put his hand on Remus' knee and squeezed it reassuringly. Remus pressed his lips together and continued scribbling on his parchment with new fervour. He was almost the only one who did so. Most students stared expectantly at Professor Ötzli, curious to see how he would react.

"Well, at first you need to know the facts," said their teacher. "You need to know with what you're dealing before you decide to fire curses."

"Certainly a bloodthirsty monster is enough of a justification to fire curses?" Snape said smugly.

Peter raised his hand. Seldom did he participate voluntarily in class. Sirius just hoped he would not say anything stupid that gave them away...

"But werewolves are human, too," Peter said, his voice shaking a bit because he was not used to speaking his opinion in front of so many people. "They're just wolves sometimes. But they're still human. Inside."

Sirius smiled encouragingly at Peter. He was almost proud because Peter had the nerve to stand up against Snape.

"Oh, very convincing," Snape sneered. "I'm surprised by the logic in it. _They're human. But wolves. But human. But wolves, too_," he mimicked Peter. Peter blushed furiously and tried to disappear behind his book.

"Just shut up!" Lily said shrilly. "He's very obviously much more intelligent than you, not as _prejudiced_ as you. He can make his own decision but you just believe these prejudices everyone tells."

Peter looked genuinely surprised. He certainly had never dreamed of being called more intelligent than Snape. James was gloating. Snape's jaw was working furiously but he really kept quiet now. But instead, other people spoke up.

"Yes, it's all nice saying werewolves are human, too, but everyone knows they hunt humans. So I'm hopefully justified to defend myself if I get attacked?" It was a Ravenclaw whose name Sirius didn't even know. He had never before said something in class. "I'm allowed to defend myself against human beings that attack me, too, right?"

"But it's not the werewolf's fault if they attack someone!" Sirius said hotly without raising his hand first. "They don't want to kill but they can't do anything against it if they're in their wolf form!"

"That's rubbish," said a Hufflepuff girl, who was known for being really smart. "Just saying it's not their fault, it's making things pretty easy. Murder is always murder. Saying they didn't want to do it... Well, if they really didn't want to do it, they wouldn't do it. Human beings have a free will. If you imply that werewolves don't have a free will, then you just confirm that they're not human."

"That's different!" Sirius protested. "It's just different when they're in their wolf form! They really can't control it but that doesn't make them less human the rest of the month!"

"Exactly!" Lily backed him up. Sirius' eyes almost popped out of his head because this was the first time that he and Lily shared an opinion. "Okay, so maybe werewolves aren't human during full moon and don't have a free will then _but_ if you kill them, you kill the human that he will be the next day, as well. Then _you_ are the murderer."

"Murderer?! If I try to defend myself? _Murderer?!_ This is ludicrous!"

And so it went on and on. Professor Ötzli tried several times to calm them all down but people were shouting and sometimes they clapped or cheered when they liked what someone else had said. They quoted statistics about murders committed by werewolves, the others demanded human rights for werewolves, then someone said werewolves weren't human but beasts because they were enlisted in _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_. They 'discussed' (ranted, screamed, argued) werewolf camps and other security measures, the prejudices of the wizarding world, Death Eaters, the Ministry, responsibility towards civilians...

James and Remus were the only ones who did not take part in it. Both of them looked rather sick when they heard ideas like establishing separate schools for werewolves, where they should be properly educated and trained to stay away from human blood. Yes, the general agreement in the class was that werewolves had a right to life but not a life among 'normal' humans. Because everyone knew that werewolves were easily drawn to dark magic, and even if it was - maybe - just because they were treated so badly, there should be measures to ensure that innocent wizards (and Muggles) were safe.

Sirius participated loudly and only paused for a moment when Remus stood up abruptly, exchanged a few words with Professor Ötzli and literally fled from the classroom. Sirius would have liked nothing more but run after him and cheer him up but he knew it would look even more suspicious. Fortunately, soon afterwards the bell rang to signify the end of the lesson. Most people continued arguing but Sirius, James and Peter left immediately. James seemed to know where Remus had gone. He led the way towards a boys' bathroom. When they burst inside, Peter screamed. Sirius heart stopped altogether.

The sight that met them would later haunt him in nightmares. There was Remus, feebly braced over the washbasin. He was covered in blood, fresh blood. It was all over his face, his hands and his shirt.

Blood. Everywhere.

Worst of all: He was pointing his wand directly at his own face. The hand that was holding the wand shook violently. Sirius would have fainted if it had not been so important that he _stopped_ this.

"No," he whispered, his eyes glued to Remus' bloodstained face. "Don't, please don't, Remus, don't do this." He could not control his voice at all; it came out flat and barely audible.

Remus slowly turned to him. His eyes looked so tired... When he lowered his wand a little bit, Sirius jumped forward (ignoring James' cry of, "Sirius, what are you doing?!") and knocked the wand out of Remus' hand. Remus yelped and they landed together on the hard floor tiles. But Sirius did not care in the slightest that he hit his elbow really hard as long as the wand was far away from Remus.

"What were you doing?" he shrieked and suddenly he had his voice back. He was trembling all over and grabbed Remus' collar to shake him roughly. "Are you mad?!" He had tears in his eyes, his voice cracking with emotions. "What do you think you were doing? How – how could you do this?! W-W-What if we'd come too late?!" He felt like vomiting. He pulled Remus into a bone crushing hug and kissed him again and again and again.

"Sirius, stop this, I'm fine." Remus tried to entangle himself from the embrace but he did not have a chance. "You'll get yourself all bloody."

"Get myself bloody?" Sirius choked between kisses. "So what? I don't give a damn about getting myself bloody right now." He pulled Remus tighter and stroked his hair, his shoulders, his back, his face... "Never do this again, okay? Please, promise me that you'll never try this again."

"O-Okay, I promise. You can let go off me now."

But Sirius did not let go off him. James put a hand on his shoulder and tried to subtly move him away.

"Sirius, calm down, he really is fine."

"He's fine?!" Sirius shouted at James, and he had never been this angry at his best friend before. "_Fine?!_ Then why's he covered in blood?!"

"It was a nosebleed, nothing more," said James and he even _chuckled_ a bit. "Really, Sirius, why are you always so _overdramatic_?"

"Nosebleed?" Sirius echoed faintly.

"Yeah, just a nosebleed," Remus confirmed.

Sirius leant back a bit to have a closer look at Remus' face and, indeed, there was still blood trickling out of his nose.

"Let me." James crouched down next to them, swished his wand and the blood stopped flowing.

"Thanks," Remus mumbled.

"You're an idiot, Moony," said James. "Why didn't you heal it yourself? You gave Sirius and Peter almost a heart attack." Peter was leaning weakly back against the wall. His face was chalk white. Sirius supposed he must look just like that. His heart was still beating terribly fast.

"It didn't work," Remus said embarrassedly, "the counter-curse. I didn't manage to do it properly."

"Counter-curse? Why?" Sirius asked. "Who cursed you?"

"I," James answered. He stood up to water a bit of toilet paper and handed it to Remus so he could clean up his face.

"You. You?!" Sirius could not believe his ears. How could James do this?! "_Why_, in the name of the fucking Flobberworms? I thought you'd finally understood when you heard what they all said in the lesson but you're still so --"

"He _asked _me to do it," James explained and fetched more toilet paper.

"Oh, sure, because Remus is masochistic and likes to have his nose bleeding."

"Because I needed a reason to leave the classroom." Remus rolled his eyes and carefully wiped some of the blood on his chin away. "Really, it would've looked pretty suspicious if I'd just run away."

"And you were too preoccupied shouting at everyone else," James added. "How statistics that said that if a hundred werewolves' committed twenty murders it meant one werewolf committed twenty murders and ninety-nine werewolves were innocent."

Sirius tried to grin but it did not work. His lips were quivering too much - as did the rest of his body. It seemed that his heart had to beat this fast to make up for the time it had stopped earlier when he had seen Remus' face full of blood.

"I-I think I'll have to go to the loo," he mumbled and moved towards the cubicles on wobbly legs. It took him some time to lock the door as his hands were shaking that wildly. He pressed his forehead and palms against the cool tiles in order to still his shaking but it did not help much. His breathing came shallow, he tried to focus on it and counted, _one, two three_: breathe in, _one, two, three_: breathe out. He felt so queasy, as if he would throw up any minute. Maybe that would be a relief, to get it all out... But he remained leaning against the wall for support, willing the horrible images out of his mind. For a moment there, he had thought... No, don't think about it; don't think about it at all.

He heard James' and Remus' soft voices, they were talking to each other about what had made Remus run out of the classroom.

"You shouldn't worry so much about what they say," James said.

"Easy of you to say," Remus mumbled. "It's not as if people suggest _you_ are locked away to rid the world of your bloodthirsty presence."

James chuckled briefly. "But they do. They think _I_'m the werewolf, so they're only talking about _me_."

"Yes, but you know it's not true. You know what they're saying doesn't apply to you."

"It's the same with you."

Remus snorted. "Not really. I am a werewolf, so it's not as if I can say it's all just a big misunderstanding and it has nothing to do with me."

"It doesn't apply to you any more than it does apply to me. It's just because you _choose_ to believe it."

"It's not about choosing to believe them. I'm a werewolf, you're not, and that's all there is to it."

"No! I know all the insults they're throwing at me are wrong, so I don't let them get to me. But it's the same with you! You _know_ it's not true what they're saying about werewolves, so why do you let them get you down when you _know_ they're wrong?!"

"But --"

"If you're going to tell me again that it's different because I'm _not_ a werewolf, I'm going to hex you a nosebleed again. There is no difference. It's all in your head!"

Sirius thought James was pretty harsh with Remus, even though he was partly - or mostly - right. Another part of Sirius was jealous of James. Because of the natural way he dealt with Remus' lycanthropy. He did not treat Remus any differently just because he was a werewolf. He had not rejected Remus for it or had been wary when he had found out but in return he did not allow Remus any privileges, did not grant him the right to act differently because he was a werewolf.

Sirius envied the openness with which James could talk to Remus about anything werewolf-related. With Sirius and Remus, it was different. They mostly avoided the topic and if it came up, things would get awkward or Sirius would get over worried or overprotective because he felt he had to prove again and again that he was fine with Remus being a werewolf. Sirius did not have the nerve to joke about anything that had to do with werewolves. James could do it, and he seemed to understand some things about Remus much better than Sirius did. The harder Sirius tried to be normal about it, the worse it got.

"Hey, Sirius, you still in there?" Remus knocked lightly against the cubicle's door.

"Yes, yes. I'm -- fine." Of course he wasn't; his heart was still beating too fast.

"The others have already gone to lunch. Don't you want to come, too?"

"Not hungry," Sirius mumbled.

"Sirius. Please open the door," Remus said softly.

Sirius didn't want to. He needed more time to compose himself. What had James called him? _Over-dramatic_, yes, that's what he was. Over-dramatic, unable to control himself, deranged... Sure, what would you expect from someone coming from a family like that? All that inbreeding... no wonder he was a bit loony. Bad genes.

"Sirius?" Remus said again.

Shutting oneself away in the toilets was probably even loonier, so he finally opened the door and stared defiantly at Remus. They locked gazes but none of them said anything. Sirius could not find the words, did not want to express his fears. His fears that all of this would be too much for James and Remus. His fears of living in a world so full of prejudices. His fears of losing Remus. He tried to hold Remus' steady gaze but he could not do so much longer and lowered his eyes to the floor.

"Sorry for making you worry like that," Remus said. Sirius felt a thumb caressing his cheek. He took a deep breath to compose himself.

"Do you think insanity can be inherited?" he asked, still speaking to the floor.

The thumb caressing his cheek paused for a moment in its movements.

"I honestly don't know," Remus finally answered.

"Okay." Sirius looked up briefly to see Remus staring intently at him. "Okay," he said again, and then they were kissing. It was messy because Sirius had to come up too often to breathe, because he accidentally bit Remus' tongue and made him wince, because Remus stumbled backwards against the cubicle's door and made their noses collide rather painfully and because Sirius' shaking hands could not caress Remus' face properly. And yet they could not bring themselves to stop.

They tumbled backwards against the wall and leant against it for support. Sirius grabbed Remus' face forcefully to crash their mouths together again. He closed his eyes to lose himself in the sensations, to forget everything else for a short blissful moment. Remus allowed him to fully control the kiss... No, not the 'kiss' - it was breathless snogging now. Remus' hands ran down his sides, came to rest on his hips and pulled their bodies still closer together. Sirius could not suppress a low moan. He was rapidly becoming aroused. He opened his eyes to see Remus' face flushed a deep shade of red. From pleasure and excitement but probably also from embarrassment because there was no doubt he could feel Sirius' arousal.

"I'm not sure this is the right place," Remus breathed against Sirius' lips.

"Yeah... 's not... I mean, a bathroom's not really..." But they did not stop rubbing their bodies against each other.

"What if someone... you know, wants to go to the loo?"

Sirius' thoughts were a bit blurry, which had much to do with Remus' hands on his hips. _Where is my wand?_ he wondered fuzzily. _It should be in my cloak. But where is my cloak? Oh, it must've landed on the floor._ Remus was still wearing his cloak, so Sirius pulled Remus' wand out of it (and used this opportunity to rid Remus of his cloak) and sealed the door. He needed three attempts until the Locking Charm finally worked.

He turned back to Remus, who leant against the wall, his chest heaving and falling rapidly and red blotches on his cheeks. Sirius smiled and leant in to brush Remus' hair out of his eyes.

"Be careful not to step on anything," Remus said.

"Hm?"

"Our wands. They're on the floor." Remus gestured down.

"Oh. Yeah." Sirius kicked them aside, and then Remus pulled him into another warm and wet kiss.

It was soon becoming too much. Sirius' breathing was too quick, his heartbeat was racing and he was shaking – but for altogether different reasons than before. Remus' hands squeezing his buttocks made him almost come in his pants. Somehow, his hand found a way into Remus' pants. Remus gasped and jerked violently at the touch.

"This okay?" Sirius muttered breathlessly.

"Ah... Yes, yes, it's... mm, fine." Remus was fumbling at his belt, trying to return the favour.

And then Sirius was already coming and Remus followed soon afterwards, and Sirius was trembling, and feeling dizzy and light-headed and confused and so very much in love.

He rested his head against Remus' shoulder and Remus' arms wrapped loosely around his waist. They were silent for some time, regaining their breath, coming back to reality, to sanity.

"Let's go back?" Remus finally suggested. "The others are probably wondering where we are."

"Okay."

Remus picked up their cloaks, put his own back on and dressed Sirius, too. Sirius caught Remus' hands in his and squeezed them tightly. When their eyes met, Remus' smile was radiant.

"You should smile more often," Sirius said. His voice sounded odd, a bit hoarse. "You're beautiful when you smile."

Remus' smile grew only wider at that, and so did Sirius'. They kissed again. Three times, four times, maybe five times. But then they really went back, hands clasped together all the time.

"Sirius? Er... Hi?"

They turned around to see Hestia Jones hovering behind them. She looked quite apprehensive.

"Hi." Sirius smiled at her.

She returned a brief smile and looked around quickly. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure. Do you want to talk to both of us or -?"

"Both of you is fine. But we should go somewhere more private."

They used the secret passageway again where Hestia had overheard them. Sirius hoped it did not take too long. He was a bit uncomfortable because he felt, well, _sticky_ from the incident in the bathroom.

"I've maybe an idea," Hestia announced, "how to pretend Remus isn't a werewolf." She blushed slightly when she suddenly had both boys' full attention. "I mean, did you ever think of Polyjuice Potion?"

Sirius frowned and tried to remember what Polyjuice Potion was. Really, there were so many potions and ingredients - how on earth were you supposed to remember all their names?!

"That's the one that changes someone into another person, isn't it?" Remus said.

"Yes, it --"

"Hey, that's great!" Sirius interrupted her. "You're a genius, Hestia! Perfect, James just has to drink Polyjuice Potion and turn into Remus, then he's away during full moon and Remus is there." Suddenly he chuckled. "The only problem is that James will certainly give Remus a bad reputation during the few days he poses as him. Oh, and he will be so thrilled to act as my boyfriend." Sirius could hardly control his chuckles anymore.

"I think there actually _is_ another problem," said Remus, who had not joined in Sirius' amusement. "If James changes into me, he sort of has my body and probably also my werewolf bite and that means..."

"Oh, I didn't think of that," Hestia admitted. "But... I don't think he'd become a werewolf. I mean, you keep your own brain and your own voice when you take Polyjuice Potion. I don't really know that much about werewolves but it's not just the bite, is it? It's sort of inside of you, isn't it?"

"Yes, you could say that," Remus mumbled embarrassedly. "But still, I don't want to take that risk. What if he transforms nonetheless? We can't be really sure of it."

"I can check it in the library," Hestia offered. "But there's still another problem: You need a month to brew that potion. We wouldn't be able to finish it in time. I thought maybe you knew someone to get Polyjuice Potion from?"

"That won't be a problem," Sirius said. "There's a shop in Knockturn Alley, well, it's the kind of shop where you'd get illegal potions."

"How'd you know such shops in _Knockturn Alley_?" Remus asked with a little frown.

Sirius became defensive immediately. "Because that was the sort of lovely place where my dearest _Mum_ took me shopping."

"Oh," Remus and Hestia said together.

"Wouldn't the shop's owner tell your mother if you bought something there?" Hestia asked.

"No, he's reliable. If you tell him it's strictly personal, he won't tell anyone. He has a reputation to keep. Otherwise his shop wouldn't be running so well if he told the whole world who had bought which dark artefact. And he certainly doesn't want to lose me as his customer. I mean, I'm of age now, I have the money and I have the name for a shop like that."

Hestia looked a bit taken aback by his sarcasm. Remus looked at him with sympathy. Sirius scowled. He wished James was here now to crack a stupid joke.

"So you can buy Polyjuice Potion," Hestia said businesslike, "and I'll check again if it's safe to turn into someone who's a werewolf, okay?"

"Okay," Remus said. "It's really great that you try to help us. Thanks."

So it was decided. Remus and Sirius went back to Gryffindor Tower. On their way upstairs to their dormitory, they almost ran into their dorm mates, Chris McKinnon and Alex Cohen, who dragged their trunks down the spiral staircase.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked James and Peter when they arrived in their dormitory. "Where are Alex and Chris going? Something I missed?"

"They don't want to sleep in one room with me anymore," James said, rolling his eyes.

"They're idiots," Peter added. "They think it's too dangerous to be in a room with a werewolf."

"Idiots!" Sirius ranted, too. "Are they afraid, or what? Idiotic cowards."

"I won't complain," James said, trying to appear unaffected. "The whole dormitory is just to the four of us now. We have more place, we can plot in peace, we can be open about the whole werewolf-thing... It's really perfect."

So they all tried to pretend everything was really perfect. They drank numerous bottles of butterbeer, worked a bit on the Marauder's Map and informed James of the plan to use Polyjuice Potion to disguise Remus' identity. Needless to say, he made a big fuss about having to act as Sirius' boyfriend but in the end he agreed – under the condition that Sirius did not – under no circumstances – kiss him.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Cheers to everyone who guessed correctly with the Polyjuice Potion! Wanna predict what will happen next?

* * *


	12. Almost Kisses

**Author's Note:** Hello there. I feel really bad seeing that my last update was in April. At least this is a long chapter. And I'm without a beta reader again, it seems. Looks like I'm not lucky with beta readers. Sentrosi is an exception - but everyone else just seems to disappear mysteriously. Anyway, please excuse any mistakes (that are sure to be there). And I'm even more sorry that this chapter is not really exciting but just a necessary set up. At least everyone who likes James/Lily will be happy, I hope.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Almost Kisses**

Owl post. It was something James dreaded nowadays. There had been insults. And threats. Bad insults. Bad threats. The first time he had had to read "Die, werewolf!", he had felt like vomiting. By now, he had almost grown used to it. But he liked to keep it to himself. There was no need for his friends to see the letters and worry about it. Especially Sirius and Lily should not see them. The two of them would surely explode with anger and do something which would only complicate everything.

And then there was the _Daily Prophet_. Almost every day, you could read a statement from a politician or a famous wizard to the Werewolf-at-Hogwarts scandal. But this morning, it was worse. Much, much worse.

_MR. AND MRS. POTTER: "OUR SON IS NOT__ A WEREWOLF."_

_Henry and Scarlett Potter finally commented on the accusations directed at their son James Potter, student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, who was lately revealed to be a werewolf. Both of them claim he is not a werewolf. Mrs. Potter: "What the media is doing to our son is outrageous. They obviously need a story to distract from You-Know-Who and that they don't make any progress in stopping him. But they don't care at all for an innocent, completely normal boy who is victim in their games. They just ruin his life!" Mr. Potter adds that he will bring the matter to court if the Daily Prophet does not stop misreporting about their son. They also demand an apology and a correction of the "false rumours" as they call it. _

_From what reliable sources have told this newspaper, James Potter himself has admitted to being a werewolf. Therefore this fact is hardly debatable. It is not unexpected that his parents now try to cover up the truth as they have also shown no scruples whatsoever in sending him to a school for young wizards where he could easily cause harm. Since the truth about James Potter's identity has come into the open, already eight students have left Hogwarts because their parents feel it is no longer a safe place._

James groaned and buried his head in his arms. Sirius, Peter, Remus and Lily, curious because of his odd behaviour, poured over the _Daily Prophet_ and read the article, too.

James hit his palm against his forehead several times. "Why did they have to do this?!"

"What?" Lily asked. She was the only one who did not understand what it was that really bothered James. "James, I don't understand. Don't they ..." She hesitated and threw the other boys a worried glance. "Don't they accept you for it?" she asked almost inaudibly.

"What? No, of course they're fine with it," James said quickly.

"But then why ...?"

No one answered Lily's question. They were all thoroughly lost for words.

"James?" she prodded.

"I really don't know," he said without looking at her.

"I think the _Daily Prophet _is right," Sirius said unexpectedly and everyone turned to look at him in confusion. "I ... I think your parents are worried for you. They try to hide the fact that you're a werewolf. And who could blame them? After all that shit everyone did to you when they found out ... Really, I'd do the same for my kid."

"_Your kid_?" Remus raised his eyebrows. "And how on earth are we going to have a kid?"

Everyone laughed. James exhaled in relief and inwardly thanked Remus for the diversion.

"I think I need to send my parents a letter and explain everything," James said and hastily stood up. He had to get away before people would ask him more questions.

"Wait," Sirius called him back. "I bet there's a bunch of reporters around your parents' place. They're just waiting to intercept your letters."

"Then ... I'll just have to use the Floo Net. I'm going to sneak into Hogsmeade this night and use a fireplace in the Hog's Head."

"How about if I come with you?" Lily said unexpectedly. "You shouldn't do such a cloak-and-dagger operation. If you got caught, you'd really be in trouble. We could simply make this look like Head Boy and Girl business."

"That would be brilliant." James hated that he sounded faintly breathless. But really: going to Hogsmeade together with Lily - that was practically a _date_!

"We could ask Professor McGonagall to grant us permission to leave. We'll just say it's for the Halloween party. Erm, we say we want to talk to a local musician. Who is a widow. Yes, and performing at Hogwarts might help her get over her depressions."

"There isn't a depressed widow in Hogsmeade who is a musician, is there?" asked Sirius.

"Well, no." Lily blushed brightly. "But --"

"Miss Perfect Evans, are you implying that you intent to lie to your Head of House?" Sirius taunted her. "And that as Head Girl. My, my, you're not as goody-goody as I always thought."

"It's just a white lie, for heaven's sake!" Lily shot at him. "And contrary to _you_, I don't do it for fun but because this is an emergency case."

They glared at each other. Sirius and Lily had never gotten along. It worried James a bit. It was no good that his best friend and his future wife were always at each other's throat. He would have to think of doing something about it.

But right now, Lily was not his wife yet, not even his girlfriend. James would not even call her his friend yet. Actually, he was not sure what they were. She was a classmate, a girl in his House who was being nice to him. Very nice.

Convincing McGonagall to allow them to go to Hogsmeade did not pose a problem. Lily had not even finished the second sentence and the normally so strict teacher already granted them permission to go. James sort of regretted that he had played so many pranks on her, otherwise she would probably be as trusting and nice to him as she was to Lily.

Late in the afternoon, James and Lily set out on their walk to Hogsmeade. It was an awkward situation. James did not know what to say. He had no idea how to start a conversation. What was a good topic to start a conversation with the girl you were in love with? Lily did not say much either. She asked twice if James wanted to 'talk about it'. He reclined twice. Although they spent so much time together nowadays – they sat together in class or during meals in the Great Hall and sometimes even did homework together – it had never before been awkward like this.

"Have you been in the Hog's Head before?" James asked her when they had arrived under the sign of a hog's head.

"Well, to be honest ... I haven't been there very often, that is ... no. I haven't been there before. Why? Is there something I need to know about this place?"

"No. Just that it isn't a very lovely pub. You could ... wait in the Three Broomsticks or somewhere else. You can't come with me to my parents' place anyway. It'd only make everything more complicated if there's someone around they don't know."

"Yes, of course. I can wait in the Hog's Head, it's not a problem."

They went inside, both of them quite apprehensive. There were not many guests here because it was the middle of the week and still quite early. But those that were here did not look very trustworthy. A young man with dirty bandages all over his body. A witch with black runes tattooed under her eyes. A being (you could not tell their gender because their face was hidden under a threadbare hood) whose grey tongue was lolling out of their mouth. And there was someone else sitting in a corner who smoked so much that you could not see anything of him or her.

James felt a bit bad about leaving Lily in such company. Wasn't he, as the 'man', supposed to protect her? Then again, Lily was hardly the girl who needed protection. She would certainly feel insulted if James only mentioned such a thing. Sometimes she was just so unapproachable.

James went to the bar and asked the barkeeper for some Floo Powder. James hesitated and threw Lily an appraising glance. Was he supposed to buy her a drink? He had no idea how to behave on a date. But this was not a real date, was it? But he wanted it to be one. From all he had heard so far, the boy usually paid for the drinks. He wondered briefly how Sirius and Remus did it. Stupid thought. He was on an almost-date with Lily, so no thoughts about homosexuals now, please. To be honest, most of the things James knew about dating was what Sirius had told him. And his ex-dorm-mate Alex had complained that boys always had to pay so much for demanding girls. And Sirius had said something quite similar after he had broken up with a girlfriend who had lasted surprisingly long. But if James remembered correctly, it had not been about drinks but about an expensive birthday present. A ring. Or maybe a necklace? Or had it been a wristband? _Damn it, I should've asked Sirius about what to do on dates_, James thought now. Sirius had experience with that kind of thing. _No, forget about it. I'd rather stick my head in dragondung than ask Sirius for dating advice. Merlin, he'd never stop teasing me. He'd probably tell me to do something completely ridiculous and then Lily will dump me and Sirius will have his laugh over his stupid prank._

James then realised that Lily had already bought herself a butterbeer while he had been debating with himself. He smiled nervously at her.

"Well. I'm going now."

She smiled back. "Good luck."

James stepped into the flames and moments later, he arrived at home – where his parents literally assaulted him: hugged him, talked to him (talked very loudly, very quickly and also both at the same time), asked him questions, complained about something ... James did not understand a word of it.

He put his hands over his ears and shouted, "I can explain, okay? I just said I was a werewolf to help someone else, okay? And it's fine. And you really should stop giving interviews to the _Daily Prophet_."

Their shouting only got worse after that. It was beyond his comprehension how two people could make so much noise. The same thing, however, had McGonagall told him and Sirius on more than one occasion.

His parents said many silly things, things which only made James angry and which, in return, made his parents more angry.

"James, you're intelligent, you're gifted – why're you ruining your future when there's nothing wrong with you?"

"There isn't anything wrong with the other boy either," James protested. "His future would be ruined just as well." Truth be told, he had never thought about the consequences for his or Remus' future. He had mostly thought about students bullying another student and making life hard for him.

"Have you any idea how the employ outlook for a werewolf is nowadays?" his father asked him incredulously.

"No. Besides, who cares if I'm a werewolf or not if I'm ace at duelling?"

"Everyone," lamented his mother. "Have you ever heard of a werewolf who had a decent job?"

"Well, I haven't met a werewolf before but I'm sure there are some who are rich and have great jobs and all. They just keep it secret."

"There aren't any," his father said harshly. "Here, look." He tossed several old newspapers at James that he must have collected during the last days. "Bones, he was a high Ministry official, they found out and the next days he was fired."

"It's happened to every werewolf," his mother added.

"Well, that's discrimination then," James stated matter-of-factly.

"Yes, it _is_!" said his mother, who was close to a nervous breakdown. "And I just don't understand why you'd _willingly_ inflict that upon yourself."

"Someone has to change something, right?" James said grimly.

"But not you!"

"Why not me?"

His parents were momentarily lost for words. Finally, his father said in a forced calm voice, "Because you're only seventeen."

"So what? I'm of age. Grown up. Adult. When should I start to change something? When I'm sixty or eighty? But no, I'd probably get my grandchildren into trouble then," James said cynically. "Someone has to start, right? And if you adults won't do it, then we have to do it."

His mother smiled sympathetically. "I know how you feel, James. Don't you think we felt just like you when we were younger, too? We wanted to change everything right then and there, too. But at some point we understood that things weren't as easy as we liked to think."

"Why didn't you do anything then?" James asked his parents accusingly. "Why didn't you try to change something?"

They did not answer his question. They just smiled at him in an infuriatingly superior way.

"Well, I won't give up," James finally broke the awkward silence.

His father sighed audibly. "It's Sirius, right? He's the werewolf, isn't he? And that's why his parents threw him out of their house."

_I have to tell Sirius about this_, James thought. It was amazing how everyone developed such crazy theories. So far, no one had guessed that Sirius was the werewolf.

"I won't tell you who it is," James said stubbornly. "And there isn't really much you can do about it. You can tell everyone all you want that I'm not a werewolf. I'll keep telling people I _am_ one. I suppose they'll believe me, won't they?"

It was not a pleasant conversation. His parents did not give up. They told him again and again to stop his pretending. They tried everything, they even tried to bribe him and said they would allow him to fly in one of the brilliantly dangerous broomstick course that were in the amusement park in Greenland. As if he needed their permission! He was of age now, he could do what he wanted anyway.

The conversation continued much like that: the arguments stayed the same but none of them was ready to back down from their position. Finally, James decided that he should not let Lily wait much longer. They had not reached an agreement. The whole conversation had only led to all of them being furious at each other and being exhausted from the pointless discussion. They parted in anger.

But that was not the end of James' tiring day. When he flooed back into the Hog's Head, he saw that someone was sitting at Lily's table, talking to her. It was a young woman, not much older than Lily. She looked oddly colourful: peroxide blond hair, blue mascara, green eye shadow, pink lipstick, red finger nails.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Potter!" she exclaimed upon seeing him. "I've been _dying_ to _finally_ meet you!"

"Hi," James replied and threw Lily a questioning glance. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Rita Skeeter." She grabbed his hand and shook it enthusiastically. "I'm a journalist. And I think I've just discovered the story that could give me a regular employment."

"That's great to hear. Has it got anything to do with me, by the way?"

"Yes!" Rita Skeeter beamed broadly at him. "With you and this charming young lady." She pointed a finger (with that disturbingly bright nail polish) at Lily, who shrugged and smiled nervously.

"Okay." James eyed her warily. "Should I say something now? 'Cause I _am_ a werewolf, if that's what you wanted to know."

"Oh yes, yes, I know. Poor boy." She patted his hand and still beamed broadly at him. James quickly removed his hand from her clutch. No woman but Lily was allowed to touch him like that!

"I reckon all of this is really too much for you," she continued sympathetically, "so I don't want to harass you with questions. Miss Evans was so lovely to tell me all about how the two of you got to know each other and how the revelation of your lycanthropy affected your relationship."

'_Relationship'? 'Got to know each other'? Did I hear that right? Is she implying what I think she is implying? No, it can't be. Why would Lily say that? Wishful thinking__ ..._

"I'd just like to take a photo of you," Rita Skeeter interrupted James' muddled thoughts. "How about if you give Miss Evans a little kiss?"

It felt like something was dropping into James' stomach. _'Kiss'?!_ "W-what?" James spluttered. He stared at Lily to see her reaction: her whole head had turned a bright pink, clashing horribly with the colour of her hair. She shook her head, mouthing some words James unfortunately could not read from her lips.

"Well?" Rita Skeeter had meanwhile taken a little camera out of her bag and beamed expectantly at them.

"Er, listen, we're really --" Lily began but was interrupted by Rita Skeeter.

"Oh, you don't kiss in public? That's alright, my dear. Let's see, how can we do this. Ah, Mr. Potter, how about if you put your arm around her shoulders."

James started to sweat. What was going on here?? Lily shrugged and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "okay".

"Er ..." James said. He threw Lily another questioning glance but when she did not protest, he put one arm very, very cautiously around her shoulders.

"Fantastic!" Rita Skeeter squealed. "You two make such a nice couple! Now, Mr. Potter, why so unhappy? Smile a bit! Yes, show me your teeth!" There was a camera flash, then Rita Skeeter exclaimed "Fantastic!" once more and went on and on about how it was such a nice photo. James quickly removed his arm from Lily's shoulder and unobtrusively retreated a few steps.

Rita Skeeter bid her farewells with more enthusiastic exclamations and expressed her wish to meet them again. Lily smiled politely and said something noncommittal. Their way back to Hogwarts was even more awkward than the way there. There was tense silence again but this time, the incident with the overzealous reporter lingered over them as well.

"Did things go well with your parents?" Lily asked at long last when they had already walked half the way.

James construed his answer very carefully. He did not want to lie to Lily, at least not directly. "They're still not happy with this development but there's not much they can do about it, is there?" It _was_ the truth – from a certain point of view.

"They worry about you, don't they?"

"Yes. Always."

Thankfully, Lily did not tell him that his parents only wanted his best and loved him so much and that was why they always worried. But it was there nonetheless, unspoken, but James knew that was what Lily had meant to say – what everyone would say. Especially Sirius, who would become moody and say something like, '_At least your parents worry for your well-being. You should be glad_.' Yes, of course he was glad that his parents were not like Sirius', and of course he loved his parents but that did not stop him from getting annoyed by them from time to time.

"Listen, James, I'm sorry for that ... thing earlier." Lily pushed her hands into the pockest of her cloak and chuckled nervously. "I just said that I liked you and the fact that you're a werewolf wouldn't change that, and Miss Skeeter immediately assumed it meant we were a, well, couple."

"You did?" James felt more hopeful than he had felt in days. Lily had said that she liked him. She had never before admitted that much.

"Yes. She didn't give me a chance to explain properly, she just rambled on and on, and was so excited about this cheesy romance that she wanted to see. I tried to explain but she wouldn't listen." Lily bowed her head and shrugged apologetically.

"Let her believe it if it makes her happy," James said and added in his mind: _It makes me happy, too._ "I just hope it wasn't too uncomfortable for you when ... you know ..."

"No, no, don't worry, it wasn't a problem," Lily said quickly, still staring at her feet.

_If she didn't mind, then I could put my arm around her shoulders now once more_, James thought but he did not do it. Because what if Lily pushed his hand away? Or what if she didn't but expected more from him? It seemed everything he did would be wrong.

So they walked the rest of the way in silence. James liked to imagine that this meant something. That the girl he loved walked next to him, that they understood each other without words, with the stars above them and all that stuff you needed for a good romance. Unfortunately, it felt rather like there was something between them preventing them from perceiving each other's thoughts and feelings. Or maybe it was just that Lily did not want this? Or maybe she thought James was a looser, a coward, a wimp because he had not kissed her when Rita Skeeter had told him to?

In front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, Lily stopped for a moment and looked at him – expectantly? James simply smiled because he could not think of anything to say. She smiled back – a genuine and beautiful smile. If it had not been such a impolite thing to do, James would have been content just looking at her smiling like this for hours.

"When I heard that you had been made Head Boy, I was sure it would be hell," Lily said, laughing softly. "I'm glad things turned out so well."

James nodded fervently. "Yeah, I'm glad we get along better now, too." It felt like the smile was edged onto his face. Lily was still gazing intently at him and that was when he lost his nerve and told the Fat Lady the password.

xxxxx

It was one week before the full moon. Sirius had gone to purchase Polyjuice Potion. When James held Remus back when everyone else was going down to dinner, Remus had the feeling James had been waiting for this opportunity for quite some time now. He was unusually apprehensive.

"Listen, Lupin," he started after clearing his throat demonstratively but then trailed off. He took off his glasses, twisted them in his hands and then added, as if to correct himself, " -- Moony. I need to talk to you."

"Alright." Remus waited for James to address whatever it was that was bothering him (there had to be something that bothered him, otherwise he would not be that uneasy) but nothing came.

"Well," Remus said. "What is it?"

"This is not easy to say," James retorted slightly disgruntled.

"Okay." Remus gestured for him to sit down together on one of the sofas in the deserted common room. James did so but edged away from Remus as far as possible.

"So, what is it?" Remus asked again.

"Swear not to laugh."

Now, this sounded interesting. "I'll try not to but I can't promise anything."

"If you laugh, I'm going to turn you into a flobberworm and then stomp on you and squash you." James sounded rather desperate – almost like he really meant it.

Remus smiled at him. "Alright. Out with it. I'm curious now."

"I was wondering ... ," James spoke to his glasses that he kept bending, "if you could ... sort of tell me how to ... how to ..." His voice became smaller and smaller. "... You know?" He finally finished with a pleading look at Remus.

"Er, no, I'm afraid I don't know."

James took a deep breath, full of frustration. "Well, tell me how to _kiss_ someone, of course!" he exclaimed abruptly. "You know, the first kiss, when you kiss someone, you know, two people who're in love with each other! There has to be a first kiss at some part!"

Remus snorted in amusement. To his defence, it should be said that he tried really hard not to laugh out loud. James threw him a devastating glare.

"I told you _not_ to laugh!" he said accusingly. His face had meanwhile turned a fascinating shade of red.

"I'm not laughing," Remus said quickly.

"But you're grinning," James insisted and leant back against the sofa cushions, one arm draped over his face.

"Sorry." Remus tried to muster his face into a neutral mask – without much success.

"So? Can you tell me?" James said, his voice a bit higher than usual.

"Why're you asking me of all people?" Remus asked curiously once he had gotten over the initial shock.

"Why not?!"

"I mean, why don't you ask Sirius? He's had much more experience than I."

"Exactly," James grumbled. "Has probably already forgotten what it's like to have your first kiss."

"Why don't you try and ask him?"

"Because I'm asking _you_, dammit!"

"Okay, okay," Remus said placatingly. He could not deny that he was somehow touched that James trusted him with something like this, something about which he could – for whatever reasons – not talk to Sirius. "What about Peter? He's at least straight."

"Already asked him. He hasn't had his first kiss yet either," James said glumly.

"Well, isn't that funny?" Remus mused. "I'm gay and yet I've had my first kiss much earlier than you or Peter. Crazy if you consider the odds for that."

"Great, thanks, Lupin, you had to rub it in, didn't you?!" James snapped at him, really angry this time. "You don't wanna help me? Well, fine, then just tell me and don't make a fool of me."

"Okay, okay, calm down." James had been about to jump up from the sofa but Remus grabbed his wrist and pulled him down again. "I'll try to help you even if I don't know how. And I won't tell anyone you asked. I promise."

James scrutinised him sceptically but in the end, he remained sitting. However, he did not say a word.

"So, you and Lily... ?" Remus ventured cautiously. James nodded curtly. "But you haven't kissed yet?" James shook his head. "But you want to kiss her?" James nodded again.

Remus sighed inwardly and leant back into the plush cushions. Was he supposed to give James lectures on kissing techniques now? He was hardly an expert as he had never kissed anyone else but Sirius. So how would he know if the rest of the world liked the same things Sirius and he did?

"Problem is really," James mumbled, "how do you start a kiss? I mean, I can't just walk up to her, grab her face and press my lips against hers. There's supposed to be this special moment, right? When you look at each other and you both know now's the time to kiss and then you both lean forward and get lost in each other's eyes and then your lips touch. The thing is, there hasn't been such a moment or maybe there has been but I just didn't realise it. And sometimes I thought it was such a moment but then she pulled back at the last possible moment. Or I did. I think there just isn't such a special moment between Lily and me, and that's really the problem because I have no idea how to start it. And I think she expects me to do something about it." James took a deep breath after his 'speech', folded his hands and unfolded them again.

"Why would you get that idea?"

"Because there was this time ... well, I told you about that journalist who wanted to know all about our supposed love affair. She actually wanted to take a photo of the two of us kissing. It would've been the perfect opportunity. But I didn't do it."

"Why not?"

"I don't know why!" James sounded close to hysteria. He was fiddling so much with a lose thread from the sofa that Remus feared he would tear the whole furniture apart.

"Maybe you should just wait and next time it'll work." Remus groaned inwardly. It was such a lame thing to say. Just like _'Everything will be fine.'_

"But how do you do that kind of things? I mean, I couldn't possibly just say, _'Hi Lily, can I kiss you?'_"

"Maybe she'd like such a direct and honest approach," Remus tried to encourage James.

"Yes, but maybe she'd think it's totally unromantic."

Remus shrugged. He could not deny James' idea was just as likely as his.

"How did your first kiss happen?" James asked unexpectedly.

"It was Sirius who started it," Remus replied, feeling himself blush slightly.

James sighed audibly and ran a hand over his forehead. "I guess I should have expected that. But still: How did it happen? How did he start it?"

"Well, it was Christmas and there was mistletoe," said Remus and smiled fondly at the memory.

"Mistletoe?" James echoed, slightly disappointed. "Well, that's easy then."

"But it's still two months till Christmas, so that won't help you much."

"That's not a problem. I can wait."

Remus had not expected that. Then the solution was this easy? James would simply wait? Sometimes he was really hard to figure out.

"Good." James sounded almost businesslike now. "Then there's just one more thing I need to know: What should a first kiss be like? Anything important I should keep in mind?"

_What should a first kiss be like?_ Briefly, Remus was tempted to answer: _It should be like an attack with lips, teeth and tongue, and with hands everywhere so that you can't think clearly anymore and are rendered a wonderfully helpless mess. That's a perfect first kiss. _

Instead he said, "I suppose a first kiss should be gentle. Wait for her to deepen the kiss and if not, it's okay as well. You probably shouldn't grope her too much already during the first kiss. That can come later."

"Okay." James listened raptly, taking everything Remus said in.

"You should tell her that you love her before you kiss her."

"Obviously."

"Make sure she knows you're not just kissing her because there's mistletoe above you. I'm sure Lily is clever enough to understand it means more but better tell her to make sure she knows."

"Okay. That's all?"

"That's all."

"Good." James grinned awkwardly. "Thanks for the information."

Remus returned the grin. "You're welcome. Oh, and don't worry if nothing goes according to plan. It'll be special because it's the first kiss, no matter how crappy it is."

"So your first kiss was crappy, eh?" James teased him.

"No, not crappy. Not crappy at all." Once more Remus got lost in the memory. How everything that had been just an abstract thought until then, had suddenly become a real warm mouth and a warm body against his own. Definitely not a 'crappy' kiss. Sirius was a very talented kisser, after all. Not that Remus had any comparison. But ... what would he need comparison for when everything was perfect anyway?

"I'm really glad I'm not a Legilimens," James brought Remus back into the present.

"Hm? Why?"

"Because I really don't want to see what's happening in your mind right now. And I know there's something ... well, going on because you look like a very contented, very well-fed wolf."

Remus laughed – mostly in relief because James seemed to like him now. They were not exactly friends yet but at least the open hostility had gone.

"What are you two laughing about?" Sirius, followed by Peter and Hestia Jones, entered the common room.

"Ah, James just told me about the prank you pulled on Professor Dumbledore in your second year," Remus quickly made something up as he had promised James not to tell anyone about his first-kiss-complex.

Sirius looked contemplative for a moment but then he seemed to remember and burst out laughing. "Yeah, that one was brilliant, one of our best. Remember how his glasses fell from his nose in his shock?" Peter soon joined in Sirius' laughter and so did James, who gave Remus the thumbs up when the others were not looking.

"Top-secret Marauder Meeting," Peter announced once everyone had calmed down.

"There's something we need to discuss," Sirius added. "Let's get into our dormitory."

"Wait a moment," James said when Hestia Jones made to follow him up the spiral staircase. "What's she doing here? She can't be coming here."

"It concerns her, too," Sirius explained.

"But it's a Marauder Meeting – she's _not_ a Marauder," James protested indignantly. "She's not even a Gryffindor. And she's a girl. She can't possibly come into our dormitory!" Hestia looked rather intimidated at that and remained standing indecisively at the base of the stairs.

"James, this is about you-know-what," Sirius said impatiently. "If you want it to work, you'll have to stop acting so childishly."

James made a rather rude hand gesture at Sirius but kept quiet. Hestia followed them in a safe distance. When they were all inside the dormitory and Remus had locked the door securely, Sirius said, "We have a problem," and flopped down on his bed.

"Oh really." James crossed his arms over his chest, leant against the bedpost and made sure everyone saw his disgruntled facial expression and knew how much he disliked the situation with a non-Marauder Ravenclaw girl in their dorm.

"But we already have a solution," said Peter and sat down on his bed. "Jelly puffskein anyone?" He offered a box with the sticky sweets. Remus was the only one who took one. Hestia still hovered uncertainly in front of the door, throwing wary glances at James from time to time.

"Sit down." Sirius patted the place next to him on his bed and smiled reassuringly at her. Remus often thought Sirius had, in a way, adopted Hestia as his little sister to replace Regulus.

Once she had sat down next to him, Sirius continued, "The problem is that it's not enough if you just turn into Remus for the full moon night. You would have to stay 'Remus' for at least three days."

"Because Remus usually has to stay in the hospital wing at least one day to recover," Peter added.

"And then he should stay away from everyone's eyes a little bit longer until he looks completely healthy and his wounds have healed," Hestia continued, "so no one can prove anything."

Remus sighed inwardly and looked at no one in particular. He _hated_ being a werewolf. Not enough that he transformed into a bloodthirsty monster one night each month, no, but he also had to stay uselessly in the hospital wing to _recover_. How pathetic sounded that?!

"Okay, what's the problem?" James said impatiently. "Don't you have enough Polyjuice Potion for a few more days?"

"It's enough Polyjuice Potion for a whole week at least," Sirius said, proudly took a fishy-looking bottle out of his cloak and waved it for everyone to see.

"_But_," Peter looked at James gravely, "you'll have to be back after the full moon night. _You _have to be in the hospital wing, supposedly recovering from your transformation."

There was a silence during which James looked rather clueless and Remus once more cursed his lycanthropy.

"You said you already have found a solution?" Remus asked hopefully.

"Yeah. Someone else needs to take the Polyjuice Potion and turn into you," Hestia said, smiling hesitantly at him. "I could do it."

Remus blinked in surprise. Why would this girl whom he hardly knew – he had helped her with her runes translations once or twice, maybe discussed the latest Quidditch results with her but nothing more – offer her help, just like that? He really hoped Sirius had not forced her into this ...

"Why?" James asked bluntly.

"Because we said it'd be too obvious if Sirius or Peter did it. People would get suspicious if one of them suddenly missed, too." She looked at Sirius and Peter for support.

"And she's the only one apart from us four who knows Remus is the werewolf," Peter said.

"But why -- her?" James asked, his question directed at Sirius and it sounded almost like an accusation. "Couldn't someone else do it?"

"I believe we just told you why she would be the perfect person to do it," Sirius said icily.

James narrowed his eyes and shot a brief glance at Hestia. "But wouldn't people get suspicious, too, if she missed?"

"She thinks ... it won't be as obvious," Sirius said. "At full moon, everyone's attention will be on us – Remus, Peter and me – and no one will be interested whether a Ravenclaw fourth year is missing or not."

"You can stay in the hospital wing," Peter told James, "so everyone can visit you and see for themselves that you obviously need to recover. We smuggle Remus back into our dorm where he can stay until he looks better again."

Remus nodded slowly. It made sense. It could work. "You would really do that?" he asked Hestia , who, so far, had mostly been left out of the conversation.

"Yes, sure."

"That's really ... really nice of you," Remus said, surprised once more that people were willing to do so much for him.

And so it was decided that Hestia would play Remus at full moon and the days after.

"I don't think this is a good idea," James said as soon as Hestia had left.

"Why not?" Peter asked.

"I don't think she's going to betray the secret," Remus said.

"Of course she won't," Sirius said indignantly.

"I don't like this," James said sourly.

"Why, what's your problem?" Sirius snapped. "Did Evans once more say no to one of your ridiculous advances?"

Remus winced. Lily was a touchy subject. Sirius should not have brought it up unless he wanted to get into an argument with James – which probably had been his very purpose when mentioning Lily.

"What has Lily got to do with everything?" James shot back at Sirius. "And just so you know: She didn't turn me down. Maybe your brain has suffered from your gayness but it was actually _she_ who asked _me_ if we should go to Hogsmeade together."

"You call that a date? Wow, you must be really desperate. Let's see: She came with you because you lied to her. She would not even care for you if you didn't lie to her about that whole werewolf thing."

"Will you just shut up? I did _not_ pretend I'm the werewolf to get her to care for me!" James' face had turned red from his anger. Sirius, however, looked smug and completely unaffected by James' insults. "And by the way, we almost kissed!"

"Really?" Peter chimed in curiously. "How --" But he did not get an answer to his question because Sirius and James were too busy arguing.

"Almost? You got an almost-kiss? I'm sure it must've been a really thrilling experience for you. The kissing-virgin James Potter got _almost kissed_. Worth an article in the _Daily Prophet_, don't you think? Oh, and how come you didn't kiss? Did you faint from the sheer closeness of her?"

Remus looked away and took one more jelly puffskein from Peter. He could really understand now why James did not want to ask Sirius for advice on kissing. How could someone be so tactless?

James, however, seemed ready to compete with Sirius for the title of absolute tactlessness. "Well, at least I don't have the reputation of a slut!" he hurled at Sirius. The muscles around Sirius' mouth twitched dangerously.

"Get down!" Without warning, Peter grabbed Remus' arm and pulled him down behind the bed. Not one second too late. Colourful sparks whizzed through the air and spells hissed above them from James and Sirius duelling.

"Shouldn't we, I don't know, disarm them?" Remus whispered at Peter.

"No, that wouldn't really help. It'd only make them angrier."

Remus sighed and crouched down more deeply to be safe behind the bed. "I thought the two of them were supposed to be 'best friends'. But I've never before seen two people who argue that often."

"Oh, they've always been like this," Peter explained matter-of-factly. "I think this daily arguments are the base of their friendship somehow. Besides, didn't you ever wonder why they're such fantastic duellers?"

"I wish they'd at least have their duels outside our dorm. I want to sleep here tonight."

"Don't worry, they'll be back to being best friends by then."

And Peter was right with that: Later that night found James and Sirius pouring over the Marauder's Map, giving it the finishing touches and congratulating themselves for being such brilliant Marauders.


End file.
